so much better for the dose that, upon finishing this thesis you will say, "Why, of course there are no other words possible!"

Let us, therefore, first proceed with a general statement of the theory and then develop some of its corollaries. It is comparatively easy to define the Bromide; let us consider his traits and then classify the Sulphite by a mere process of exclusion.

* * * * *

In this our world the Bromides constitute, alas! by far the larger group. In this, the type resembles the primary bodies or other systems of classification, such as the Philistines, the Conservatives, the Bores and so on, ad nauseam. The Bromide does his thinking by syndicate. He follows the main traveled roads, he goes with the crowd. In a word, they all think and talk alike—one may predicate their opinion upon any given subject. They follow custom and costume, they obey the Law of Averages. They are, intellectually, all peas in the same conventional pod, unenlightened, prosaic, living by rule and rote. They have their hair cut every month and their minds keep regular office hours. Their habits of thought are all ready-made, proper, sober, befitting the Average Man. They worship dogma. The Bromide conforms to everything sanctioned by the majority, and may be depended upon to be trite, banal and arbitrary.

So much has a mere name already done for us that we may say, boldly, and this is our First Theorem: that all Bromides are bromidic in every manifestation of their being. But a better comprehension of the term, and one which will perhaps remove the taint of malediction, will be attained if we examine in detail a few essential bromidic tendencies. The adjective is used more in pity than in anger or disgust. The Bromide can't possibly help being bromidic—though, on the other hand, he wouldn't if he could.

* * * * *

The chief characteristic, then, seems to be a certain reflex psychological action of the bromidic brain. This is evidenced by the accepted bromidic belief that each of the ordinary acts of life is, and necessarily must be, accompanied by its own especial remark or opinion. It is an association of ideas intensified in each generation by the continual correlation of certain groups of brain cells. It has become not only unnecessary for him to think, but almost impossible, so deeply these well-worn paths of thought have become. His intellectual processes are automatic—his train of thought can never get off the track.

* * * * *

A single illustration will suffice for analysis. You have heard it often enough; fie upon you if you have said it!

"If you saw that sunset painted in a picture, you'd never believe it would be possible!"

* * * * *

It must be borne distinctly in mind that it is not merely because this remark is trite that it is bromidic; it is because that, with the Bromide, the remark is inevitable. One expects it from him, and one is never disappointed. And, moreover, it is always offered by the Bromide as a fresh, new, apt and rather clever thing to say. He really believes, no doubt, that it is original—it is, at any rate, neat, as he indicates by his evident expectation of applause. The remark follows upon the physical or mental stimulus as the night the day; he cannot, then, be true to any other impulse. Originality was inhibited in him since his great-grandmother's time. He has "got the habit."

Accepting his irresponsibility, and with all charity to his undeveloped personality, we may note a few other examples of his mental reflexes. The list is long, but it would take a large encyclopaedia to exhaust the subject. The pastime, recently come into vogue, of collecting Bromidioms,[1] is a pursuit by itself, worthy enough of practice if one appreciates the subtleties of the game and does not merely collate hackneyed phrases, irrespective of their true bromidic quality. For our purpose in elucidating the thesis in hand, however, we need cull but a few specimens, leaving the list to be completed by the reader at his leisure.

[Footnote 1: For this apt and cleverly coined word I am indebted to Mr. Frank O'Malley of the New York "Sun," who has been one of the most ardent and discriminating collectors of Bromidioms.]

* * * * *

If you both happen to know Mr. Smith of Des Moines, the Bromide inevitably will say:

"This world is such a small place, after all, isn't it?"

The Bromide never mentions such a vulgar thing as a birth, but

"The Year Baby Came."

The Bromide's euphemisms are the slang of her caste. When she departs from her visit, she says:

"I've had a perfectly charming time."

"It's SO good of you to have asked me!"

"Now, DO come and see us!"

And when her caller leaves, her mind springs with a snap to fasten the time-worn farewell:

"Now you have found the way, do come often!"

And this piece of ancient cynicism has run through a thousand changes:

"Of course if you leave your umbrella at home it's sure to rain!"

But comment, to the Sulphite, is unnecessary. These remarks would all be in his Index Epurgatorius, if one were necessary. Except in jest it would never even occur to him to use any of the following remarks:

* * * * *

I.

"I don't know much about Art, but I know what I like."

II.

"My mother is seventy years old, but she doesn't look a day over fifty."

III.

"That dog understands every word I say."

IV.

"You'll feel differently about these things when you're married!"

V.

"It isn't money, it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing I object to."

VI.

"Why aren't there any good stories in the magazines, nowadays?"

VII.

"I'm afraid I'm not educated up to Japanese prints."

VIII.

"The Japanese are such an interesting little people!"

IX.

"No, I don't play chess. I haven't got that kind of a brain."

X.

"No, I never intend to be married."

XI.

"I thought I loved him at the time, but of course it wasn't really love."

XII.

"Funny how some people can never learn to spell!"

XIII.

"If you'd only come yesterday, this room was in perfect order."

XIV.

"I don't care for money—it's what I can do with it."

XV.

"I really oughtn't to tell this, but I know you understand."

XVI.

"Why, I know you better than you know yourself!"

XVII.

"Now, this thing really happened!"

XVIII.

"It's a great compliment to have a child fond of you."

XIX.

"The Salvation Army reaches a class of people that churches never do."

XX.