simplicity of man to hearken after the
flesh.
  KING. [Reads] 'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and sole
    dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's god and body's
fost'ring
    patron'-
  COSTARD. Not a word of Costard yet.
  KING. [Reads] 'So it is'-
  COSTARD. It may be so; but if he say it is so, he is, in
telling
    true, but so.
  KING. Peace!
  COSTARD. Be to me, and every man that dares not fight!
  KING. No words!
  COSTARD. Of other men's secrets, I beseech you.
  KING. [Reads] 'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured
melancholy, I
    did commend the black oppressing humour to the most wholesome
    physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman,
betook
    myself to walk. The time When? About the sixth hour; when
beasts
    most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that
nourishment
    which is called supper. So much for the time When. Now for
the
    ground Which? which, I mean, I upon; it is ycleped thy park.
Then
    for the place Where? where, I mean, I did encounter that
obscene
    and most prepost'rous event that draweth from my snow-white
pen
    the ebon-coloured ink which here thou viewest, beholdest,
    surveyest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth
    north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy
    curious-knotted garden. There did I see that low-spirited
swain,
    that base minnow of thy mirth,'
  COSTARD. Me?
  KING. 'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'
  COSTARD. Me?
  KING. 'that shallow vassal,'
  COSTARD. Still me?
  KING. 'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'
  COSTARD. O, me!
  KING. 'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established
proclaimed
    edict and continent canon; which, with, O, with- but with
this I
    passion to say wherewith-'
  COSTARD. With a wench.
    King. 'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for
thy
    more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed
    duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to receive the meed of
    punishment, by thy sweet Grace's officer, Antony Dull, a man
of
    good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.'
  DULL. Me, an't shall please you; I am Antony Dull.
  KING. 'For Jaquenetta- so is the weaker vessel called, which I
    apprehended with the aforesaid swain- I keep her as a vessel
of
    thy law's fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice,
    bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and
    heart-burning heat of duty,
                                         DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'

  BEROWNE. This is not so well as I look'd for, but the best that
    ever I heard.
  KING. Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to
    this?
  COSTARD. Sir, I confess the wench.
  KING. Did you hear the proclamation?
  COSTARD. I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the
    marking of it.
  KING. It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment to be taken with
a
    wench.
  COSTARD. I was taken with none, sir; I was taken with a damsel.
  KING. Well, it was proclaimed damsel.
  COSTARD. This was no damsel neither, sir; she was a virgin.
  KING. It is so varied too, for it was proclaimed virgin.
  COSTARD. If it were, I deny her virginity; I was taken with a
maid.
  KING. This 'maid' not serve your turn, sir.
  COSTARD. This maid will serve my turn, sir.
  KING. Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a
week
    with bran and water.
  COSTARD. I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.
  KING. And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
    My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o'er;
    And go we, lords, to put in practice that
    Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
                             Exeunt KING, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN
  BEROWNE. I'll lay my head to any good man's hat
    These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
    Sirrah, come on.
  COSTARD. I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is I was
taken
    with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore
    welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day
smile
    again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow.
                                                          Exeunt

SCENE II. The park

Enter ARMADO and MOTH, his page

  ARMADO. Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows
    melancholy?
  MOTH. A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
  ARMADO. Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
  MOTH. No, no; O Lord, sir, no!
  ARMADO. How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender
    juvenal?
  MOTH. By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough
signior.
  ARMADO. Why tough signior? Why tough signior?
  MOTH. Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?
  ARMADO. I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
    appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
  MOTH. And I, tough signior, as an appertinent title to your old
    time, which we may name tough.
  ARMADO. Pretty and apt.
  MOTH. How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt,
and
    my saying pretty?
  ARMADO. Thou pretty, because little.
  MOTH. Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
  ARMADO. And therefore apt, because quick.
  MOTH. Speak you this in my praise, master?
  ARMADO. In thy condign praise.
  MOTH. I will praise an eel with the same praise.
  ARMADO. that an eel is ingenious?
  MOTH. That an eel is quick.
  ARMADO. I do say thou art quick in answers; thou heat'st my
blood.
  MOTH. I am answer'd, sir.
  ARMADO. I love not to be cross'd.
  MOTH. [Aside] He speaks the mere contrary: crosses love not
him.
  ARMADO. I have promised to study three years with the Duke.
  MOTH. You may do it in an hour, sir.
  ARMADO. Impossible.
  MOTH. How many is one thrice told?
  ARMADO. I am ill at reck'ning; it fitteth the spirit of a
tapster.
  MOTH. You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
  ARMADO. I confess both; they are both the varnish of a complete
    man.
  MOTH. Then I am sure you know how much the gross sum of
deuce-ace
    amounts to.
  ARMADO. It doth amount to one more than two.
  MOTH. Which the base vulgar do call three.
  ARMADO. True.
  MOTH. Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is
three
    studied ere ye'll thrice wink; and how easy it is to put
'years'
    to the word 'three,' and study three years in two words, the
    dancing horse will tell you.
  ARMADO. A most fine figure!
  MOTH. [Aside] To prove you a cipher.
  ARMADO. I will hereupon confess I am in love. And as it is base
for
    a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If
drawing
    my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me