قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, August 15, 1917
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, August 15, 1917
Enabling serious folk, whose brains
Are commonplace and crude,
To soar to unimagined planes
Of sweet ineptitude.
Changed by your magic, common-sense
Nonsensical appears,
And stars of sober influence
Shoot madly from their spheres.
You lure us from the beaten track,
From minding P.'s and Q.'s,
To paths where white is always black
And pies resemble pews.
Strange beasts, more strange than the giraffe,
You conjure up to view,
The flue-box and the forking-calf,
Unknown at any Zoo;
And new vocations you unfold,
Wonder on wonder heaping,
Hell-banging for the over-bold,
And toffee-cavern keeping.
With you we hatch the pasty snipe,
And all undaunted face
Huge fish of unfamiliar type—
Bush-pike and bubble-dace;
Or, fired by hopes of lyric fame,
We deviate from prose,
And make it our especial aim
Bun-sonnets to compose.
I wonder did the ancients prove
Responsive to your spell,
Or, riveted to Reason's groove,
Against your charms rebel.
And yet some senator obese,
In Rome long years ago,
May have misnamed a masterpiece
De Gallo bellico.
We know there were heroic men
Ere AGAMEMNON'S days,
Who passed forgotten from our ken,
Lacking a poet's praise;
But, though great Metaphasiarchs
Have doubtless flourished sooner,
I'm sure their raciest remarks
Have been eclipsed by S*****r.
THE LIMIT.
"The daily cost of the war has shown an alarming tendency to mount, and has gone beyond the 700 millions which some folk thought must be the limit a few months ago."
Sussex Daily News.
"Junior Assistant wanted to Grocery, Spirit and Provision business; send copy references and salary expected."—Irish Paper.
Quite a promising idea for getting more capital into a business.
INVENTIONS.
"Amongst a number of new inventions," says the Frankfischer Tagwacht, "is an imitation of the smell of Limburger cheese." This has caused some alarm and not a little interest in this country, as the following extracts will show:—
"Berlin Resident" states that he has too long been fed up with imitation meals, and for weeks past has had nothing to eat but holes from Limburger.
"Cynic" remarks that it is impossible for the German scientists to defeat the WOLFF wireless at inventions.
Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL is anxious to know whether they have yet discovered a substitute for The Morning Post.
The Times Greenwich correspondent wires: "If they have invented a method whereby a news report will make a noise like 'Passed by Censor' will they wire terms?"
Inscription on a French picture post-card:—
"Une locomotive abandonée devant Thiepval. One locomotive a profligate woman forepart Thiepval."
Smith minor is avenged.
