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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, January 22, 1919
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, January 22, 1919
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"Wanted to purchase elephants, sound and without vice, and to sell a variety of pigeons at reasonable prices."—Pioneer (Allahabad).
But we doubt if the advertiser will be able to get all the elephants, however free from vice, into the old pigeon-house.
THE FINANCIER.
He had sat at the same table in the same restaurant for years—more years than he cared to count. He was not as young as be used to be.
Always when he could he sat on the comfortable sofa-like seat on the wall side of the table. When that was fully occupied he sat on the other side on an ordinary upright chair, in which he could not lounge at ease.
He sat there now discontentedly, keeping a watchful eye for vacancies in the opposite party.
Half-way through his meal a vacancy occurred. He pushed his plate across the table and went round, sinking with a sigh into the cushioned seat.
The departing customer had left the usual gratuity under the saucer of his coffee-cup. In a minute or two the waitress would collect the cup and saucer and the coins.
But the waitress was busy. The room was full and there was the usual deficient service.
He finished eating, lighted a cigarette and called for a cup of coffee. It was then, I think, the thought came to him.
The other man's cup, saucer and money were still there.
His hand fluttered uncertainly over the cloth among the crockery. There seemed to be nobody looking. His fingers slid under the other man's saucer and in a moment the money was under his own.
He rose, took his hat and bill and went.
We left soon after.
"How mean!" said my wife. "Did you see? He made the other man's tip do. Even a woman wouldn't have done that."
It seemed severe, I thought, but that is what she said.
"The rats were chased out of camp and their skins tanned and made into dainty purses and handbags."—Manchester Guardian.
The rats having in their hurry left their skins behind them.
"The front door of the Lord Mayor's coachman opens on to a long, narrow staircase."—Weekly Dispatch.
Very interesting, no doubt; but the general public would have preferred to learn something about his bow-window.
IN WINTER.
Boreas blows on his high wood whistle,
Over the coppice and down the lane
Where the goldfinch chirps from the haulm of the thistle
And mangolds gleam in the farmer's wain.
Last year's dead and the new year sleeping
Under its mantle of leaves and snow;
Earth holds beauty fast in her keeping
But Life invincible stirs below.
Runs the sap in each root and rhizome,
Primrose yellow and snowdrop cold,
Windyflowers when the chiffchaff flies home,
Lenten lilies with crowns of gold.
Soon the woods will be blithe with bracken,
April whisper of lambs at play;
Spring will triumph—and our old black hen
(Thank the Lord!) will begin to lay.
ALGOL.
A "Dry" State.
"On the declaration of the armistice with Bulgaria this Balkan-Jug stopped running."—Observer.
THE NEW NAVY.
["The New Navy of small craft, created by the special needs of the War ... has every reason to be proud of its share in bringing the War to a victorious conclusion. The good wishes of the Board of Admiralty and the Royal Navy will follow the armed yachts, trawlers, drifters and motor-boats after they have hauled down the colours they flew as His Majesty's Auxiliary Patrol Vessels."
Admiralty Message to the Auxiliary Patrol Service.]
The Old Navy wakened and got under way
And hurried to Scapa in battle array,
While the drifters and trawlers looked on from afar
At the cruisers and battleships off to the War;
Having sped their departure with ev'ry good wish,
The drifters and trawlers returned to their fish.
Do you know the sensation, so hard to explain,
Of living a former existence again,
With never a clue to the why or the when?
Well, the drifters and trawlers were feeling it then,
And the sea chuckled deep as it washed to and fro
On the hulls of the battleships up in the Flow.
The Old Navy waited, the Old Navy swore,
While battleships costing two millions and more
Reviewed the position from starboard to port:
"It's small craft again, but we're terribly short;
Let us pray for the Empire whose sun never sets;"
Then the fishing fleet pensively hauled in its nets.
And rolling with laughter, at varying speeds
The New Navy sped to the Old Navy's needs;
Unblushingly paintless, by units or lots,
Came drifters and trawlers and whalers and yachts;
And, heedless of Discipline Acts, I've been told,
The New Navy cheerfully winked at the Old.
Without any pride but the pride of its race,
The New Navy took its historical place
In warfare on quite unconventional lines
As hunting sea vermin or sweeping for mines,
Till the sea would agree when a battleship swore
That surely they'd helped an Old Navy before.
Through Summer and Autumn, through Winter and Spring
The Old Navy patiently guarded the ring.
The while the Auxiliaries out on the blue
Were making the most of the flag that they flew,
And a cruiser would call to her sister, astern,
"Precocious as ever, they've nothing to learn!"
The Old Navy stretched as they got under way
To take the Surrender that fell on a Day,
And the drifters and trawlers looked on from afar
At the cruisers and battleships winning the War,
And, cheering the conquest with ev'ry good wish,
Prepared to go back to their nets and their fish.
But scarce had the fishing fleet time to turn round
When there fell on their ears a remarkable sound,
And some who were present have given their word
That the roll of DRAKE'S drum through the squadrons was heard;
Resulted a sequel as strange as it's true,
The Old Navy solemnly winked at the New.
The moral is simple but worthy of note
Whenever the spirit of DRAKE is afloat,
There's only one Navy when foes come to grips,
And nobody knows it so well as the ships,
And so when the small craft are blessed by the Board,
Demurely they murmur: "New Navy? Oh, Lord!"
OUR BEAUTY COLUMN.
(Latest Style.)
We four are such friends, Estelle, Rosalie, Beryl and I. If we weren't could we sit round and say the things to each other that we do? I ask you.
It's quite a small flat we have, just the one room, but it's so convenient. There's a chemist's next door, so it's no walk to