and purpose of unkindness. I will look further into't. But
     where's my fool? I have not seen him this two days.
  Knight. Since my young lady's going into France, sir, the fool
     hath much pined away.
  Lear. No more of that; I have noted it well. Go you and tell my
     daughter I would speak with her. [Exit Knight.] Go you, call
     hither my fool.
                                            [Exit an Attendant.]

Enter [Oswald the] Steward.

     O, you, sir, you! Come you hither, sir. Who am I, sir?
  Osw. My lady's father.
  Lear. 'My lady's father'? My lord's knave! You whoreson dog!
you
     slave! you cur!
  Osw. I am none of these, my lord; I beseech your pardon.
  Lear. Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?
                                                  [Strikes him.]
  Osw. I'll not be strucken, my lord.
  Kent. Nor tripp'd neither, you base football player?
                                            [Trips up his heels.
  Lear. I thank thee, fellow. Thou serv'st me, and I'll love
thee.
  Kent. Come, sir, arise, away! I'll teach you differences. Away,
     away! If you will measure your lubber's length again, tarry;
but
     away! Go to! Have you wisdom? So.
                                               [Pushes him out.]
  Lear. Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee. There's earnest of
thy
     service. [Gives money.]

Enter Fool.

  Fool. Let me hire him too. Here's my coxcomb.
                                          [Offers Kent his cap.]
  Lear. How now, my pretty knave? How dost thou?
  Fool. Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.
  Kent. Why, fool?
  Fool. Why? For taking one's part that's out of favour. Nay, an
thou
     canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold
shortly.
     There, take my coxcomb! Why, this fellow hath banish'd two
on's
     daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will. If
     thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.- How now,
     nuncle? Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters!
  Lear. Why, my boy?
  Fool. If I gave them all my living, I'ld keep my coxcombs
myself.
     There's mine! beg another of thy daughters.
  Lear. Take heed, sirrah- the whip.
  Fool. Truth's a dog must to kennel; he must be whipp'd out,
when
     Lady the brach may stand by th' fire and stink.
  Lear. A pestilent gall to me!
  Fool. Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.
  Lear. Do.
  Fool. Mark it, nuncle.
          Have more than thou showest,
          Speak less than thou knowest,
          Lend less than thou owest,
          Ride more than thou goest,
          Learn more than thou trowest,
          Set less than thou throwest;
          Leave thy drink and thy whore,
          And keep in-a-door,
          And thou shalt have more
          Than two tens to a score.
  Kent. This is nothing, fool.
  Fool. Then 'tis like the breath of an unfeed lawyer- you gave
me
     nothing for't. Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?
  Lear. Why, no, boy. Nothing can be made out of nothing.
  Fool. [to Kent] Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his land
     comes to. He will not believe a fool.
  Lear. A bitter fool!
  Fool. Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a bitter
     fool and a sweet fool?
  Lear. No, lad; teach me.
  Fool. That lord that counsell'd thee
            To give away thy land,
          Come place him here by me-
            Do thou for him stand.
          The sweet and bitter fool
            Will presently appear;
          The one in motley here,
            The other found out there.
  Lear. Dost thou call me fool, boy?
  Fool. All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast
     born with.
  Kent. This is not altogether fool, my lord.
  Fool. No, faith; lords and great men will not let me. If I had
a
     monopoly out, they would have part on't. And ladies too,
they
     will not let me have all the fool to myself; they'll be
     snatching. Give me an egg, nuncle, and I'll give thee two
     crowns.
  Lear. What two crowns shall they be?
  Fool. Why, after I have cut the egg i' th' middle and eat up
the
     meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou clovest thy crown
i'
     th' middle and gav'st away both parts, thou bor'st thine ass
on
     thy back o'er the dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald
crown
     when thou gav'st thy golden one away. If I speak like myself
in
     this, let him be whipp'd that first finds it so.

     [Sings] Fools had ne'er less grace in a year,
                  For wise men are grown foppish;
                They know not how their wits to wear,
                  Their manners are so apish.

  Lear. When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?
  Fool. I have us'd it, nuncle, ever since thou mad'st thy
daughters
     thy mother; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and put'st
down
     thine own breeches,

     [Sings] Then they for sudden joy did weep,
                  And I for sorrow sung,
                That such a king should play bo-peep
                  And go the fools among.

     Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool
to
     lie. I would fain learn to lie.
  Lear. An you lie, sirrah, we'll have you whipp'd.
  Fool. I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are. They'll
have me
     whipp'd for speaking true; thou'lt have me whipp'd for
lying;
     and sometimes I am whipp'd for holding my peace. I had
rather be
     any kind o' thing than a fool! And yet I would not be thee,
     nuncle. Thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides and left
nothing
     i' th' middle. Here comes one o' the parings.

Enter Goneril.

  Lear. How now, daughter? What makes that frontlet on? Methinks
you
     are too much o' late i' th' frown.
  Fool. Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care
for
     her frowning. Now thou art an O without a figure. I am
better
     than thou art now: I am a fool, thou art nothing.
     [To Goneril] Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue. So your
face
     bids me, though you say nothing. Mum, mum!

            He that keeps nor crust nor crum,
            Weary of all, shall want some.-