PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 153.

November 14, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

People are asking, "Can there be a hidden brain in the Foreign Office?"

A German posing as a Swiss, and stated by the police to be "a spy and a dangerous character," has been sentenced to six months' imprisonment. The matter will be further investigated pending his escape.

Three men were charged at Old Street last week with attempting the "pot of tea" trick. The trick apparently consists in finding a man with a pot of tea and giving him a sovereign to go round the corner and buy a ham sandwich, the thief meanwhile offering to hold the pot of tea. When the owner returns the tea has, of course, vanished.

The increased consumption of bread, says Sir ARTHUR YAPP, is due to the 9d. loaf. It would just serve us right if bread cost 2s. 6d. a pound and there wasn't any, like everything else.

"It is all a matter of taste," says a correspondent of The Daily Mail, "but I think parsnips are now at their best." They may be looking their best, but the taste remains the same.

Seventy tons of blackberries for the soldiers have been gathered by school-children in Buckinghamshire. Arrangements have been made for converting this fruit into plum-and-apple jam.

"Home Ruler" was the occupation given by a Chertsey woman on her sugar-card application. The FOOD CONTROLLER states that although this form of intimidation may work with the Government it has no terrors for him.

The Russian Minister of Finance anticipates getting a revenue of forty million pounds from a monopoly of tea. It is thought that he must have once been a grocer.

The Law Courts are to be made available as an air-raid shelter by day and night, and some of our revue proprietors are already complaining of unfair competition.

Two survivors of the battle of Inkerman have been discovered at Brighton. Their inactivity in the present crisis is most unfavourably commented on by many of the week-end visitors.

A dolphin nearly eight feet in length has been landed by a boy who was fishing at Southwold. Its last words were that it hoped the public would understand that it had only heard of the food shortage that morning.

Captain OTTO SVERDRUP, the Arctic explorer, has returned his German decorations. Upon hearing this the KAISER at once gave orders for the North Pole to be folded up and put away.

A certain number of cold storage eggs at sixpence each are being released in Berlin and buyers are urged to "fetch them promptly." In this connection several Iron Crosses have already been awarded for acts of distinguished bravery by civilians.

One of the new toys for Christmas is a cat which will swim about in a bath. If only the household cat could learn to swim it might be the means of saving several of its lives.

A correspondent would like to know whether the naval surgeon who recently described in The Lancet how he raised "hypnotic blisters" by suggestion received his tuition from one of our University riverside coaches.

We are asked to deny the rumour that Mr. JUSTICE DARLING, who last week cracked a joke which was not understood by some American soldiers, has decided to do it all over again.

The power of music! An enterprising firm of manufacturers offers pensions to women who become widows after the purchase of a piano on the instalment plan.

We understand that a Member of Parliament will shortly ask for a day to be set aside to inquire into the conduct of Mr. PHILIP SNOWDEN, who is reported to have recently shown marked pro-British tendencies.

In view of the attitude taken up by The Daily Express against Sir ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, on the question of "spooks," we understand that the celebrated author, who has long contemplated the final death of Sherlock Holmes, has arranged that the famous detective shall one day be found dead with a copy of The Daily Express in his hand.

A customer, we are told, may take his own buns into a public eating-house, but the proprietor must register them. In view of the growing habit of pinching food, the pre-war custom of chaining them to the umbrella-stand is no longer regarded as safe.

THE QUESTION OF THE HOUR.

INDIA MOVES.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,—The following is taken from a letter from the Quartermaster-General in India to the General Officers Commanding Divisions and Independent Brigades:—

"I am directed to point out that at present there appears to be considerable diversity of opinion regarding the number of buttons, and the method of placing the same on mattresses in use in hospitals.

"I am therefore to request that in future all hospital mattresses should be made up with fifty-three buttons placed in fifteen rows of four and three alternately."

This should convince your readers that even India has at last grasped the idea of the War and is getting a move on.

"Mr. H. A. Barker, the bonesetter, performed a bloodless and successful operation yesterday upon Mr. Will Thorne's knee, which he fractured six years ago."—Sunday Paper.

If the case is correctly reported—which we doubt—it was very confiding of Mr. THORNE to go to him again.

MORE SORROWS OF THE SULTAN.