You are here

قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, January 3, 1891

تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"

‏اللغة: English
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, January 3, 1891

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, January 3, 1891

تقييمك:
0
No votes yet
المؤلف:
دار النشر: Project Gutenberg
الصفحة رقم: 5

"Turkey in Aspic"? It doesn't look well; much better in French. But we dare say it's very good, though, for breakfast or supper, "devilled Turkey" is "hard to beat."

I have been trying to read LEIGH HUNT. His Biography interested me muchly, and I had always heard, in time past, so much of his writings, though I do not remember ever having heard the titles of his works mentioned, that, when a neat-looking volume was sent me by Messrs. PATERSON & Co. of Leigh Hunt's Tales, I anticipated great pleasure from their perusal. Alas! the pleasure was only in anticipation. I have tried, as the song says, "A little bit here, and a little bit there—Here a bit, There a bit, And everywhere a bit,"—but, hang me, says the Baron, if I can tackle any one of them. The matter doesn't interest me, and the style doesn't fascinate me. This may be rank heresy, but I can't help it. I have tried, and failed. Well, better to have tried, and failed, than never to have tried at all. But I shan't try again,—at least, not on this collection of Tales.

BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.


PARS ABOUT PICTURES.—A good collection of pictures and sculpture—including works by Messrs. BURNE-JONES, ONSLOW FORD, ALFRED GILBERT, W.L. WYLLIE, and others—is on view at the Royal Arcade Gallery, Old Bond Street. These are to be sold for the benefit of the family of R.A. LEDWARD, the clever young sculptor, who died only a few weeks ago. Lots more to say, but you won't stand it, and will probably say, "Par! si bête!" So no more at present from yours par-entally, OLD PAR.


LEGAL AND ECCLESIASTICAL DEFINITION.—A Sheriff's Officer: a Writ-ualist.


A FORECAST FOR 1891.

(Being some Extracts from the Gloomy Outlooker's Diary.)

Old Sol. "Happy New Year, Mr. Punch!"

Mr. P. "Hope we shall see something more of you in future!"

January.—Continuation of "good old-fashioned winter." London "snowed up." Locomotion by Hansom drawn by four drayhorses, the fare from Charing Cross to Bayswater being £2 15s. Milk, 10s. the half-pint, meat unprocurable. Riot of Dukes at the Carlton to secure the last mutton chop on the premises, suppressed by calling out the Guards. People in Belgravia burn their banisters for want of coals. The Three per Cents go down to 35.

February.—Railway incursion into the centre of the Metropolis makes progress. Sir EDWARD WATKIN gets his line through Lords, crosses Regent's Park, comes down Bond Street, and secures a large centre terminus in the Green Park, with a frontage of a quarter of a mile in Piccadilly.

March.—Football atrocities on the increase. A match is played at the Oval between the Jaw Splitting Rovers and the Spine Cracking Wanderers, in which nine are left dead on the field, and fifteen are carried on stretchers to the nearest hospital.

April.—Increase of danger from electricity. A couple of large metropolitan hotels catching fire from over-heated wires, nineteen waiters, twenty-three policemen, and fifty-five members of the fire brigade getting entangled in them in their efforts to extinguish the flames, are killed on the spot, much to the satisfaction of the holders of gas shares.

May.—The "Capital and Labour" Question reaches an acute stage. The "Unemployed Other People's Property Rights League" being patted on the back by philanthropists, formulate their programme, and seize the Stock Exchange and the Mansion House.

June.—The "Capital and Labour" Question reaching a still acuter stage, 20,000 unemployed East End Lodgers break into the Bank of England, and give a banquet to the LORD MAYOR and Corporation to celebrate the event, at which Mr. Sheriff AUGUSTUS HARRIS, in returning thanks for the "Arts and Sciences," says he thinks "the takings" of their hosts must have been "enormous."

July.—Results of Gen. BOOTH's "Darkest England" scheme. Triumphant return of the Submerged Tenth, who having enjoyed themselves immensely, have come back to the Slums with a view to having another innings at "the way out."

August.—The Authorities at the Naval Exhibition wishing to stimulate the public taste for the undertaking, fire one of the hundred-ton guns which, "by some oversight" being loaded, sends a shell into the City, which brings down the dome of St. Paul's, but, bursting itself, lays Chelsea in ruins, and causes the appearance of a letter in the Times from Lord GEORGE HAMILTON, saying that the matter will be "the subject of a searching inquiry" by his Department.

September.—A few Dukes in the Highlands, using several Hotchkiss guns with their guests asked down to the shooting, exceed the known figures of any previous battue to such an extent that birds sell in Bond Street at 3d. a brace, with the result that the whole of Scotland is said to be completely cleared of game for the next seven years.

October.—The great strike of everybody commences. Nothing to be got anywhere. Several Noblemen and Members of Parliament meet the "food" crisis by organising an Upper-class Co-operative Society, and bring up their own cattle to London. Being, however, unable to kill them professionally without the aid of a butcher, they blow them up with gunpowder, and divide them with a steam-scythe, for which proceedings they are somewhat maliciously prosecuted by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

November.—The Strike continuing, and times being very bad, several Peers take advantage of the 5th of the month, and make a tour of their immediate neighbourhoods in their own arm-chairs, thereby realising a very handsome sum in halfpence from a not unsympathetic public.

December.—First signs of a probable second edition of a "good old-fashioned Christmas" recognised. General panic in consequence. Attempt to lynch the Clerk of the Weather at Greenwich, only frustrated by the appearance of a strong force of Police. 1891 terminates in gloomy despair.


EDWIN AND ANGELINA.

(One More Version.)

DEAR MR. PUNCH,—I beg of you to hear my tale of woe,

My case is really one of those I'm sure you'd like to know;

How EDWIN and myself, at last, have quarrelled and have parted,

And I am left to shed a tear—alone, and broken-hearted.

We were engaged for eighteen months—he often said that life

Would not be worth the living, if I would not be his wife.

My eyes, though brown, were "blue" to him, my hair a "silken tangle,"

He'd given me his photograph, and such a lovely bangle!

I had called upon his mother, and had often stayed to tea—

She said that EDWIN had, indeed, a lucky catch in me.

I thought him quite a model youth—hard-working, loyal, steady,

A thrill of pleasure filled me when he wrote, "Your own, own EDDY.",

Oh! a brighter and a gladder day is surely never known

Than when EDWIN calls his darling ANGELINA his "own own."

It warmed me with the glow of love, it cheered me up when lonely,

Yet I didn't feel so happy, when it came to be, "Yours only."

The extra syllable indeed did not increase the charm,

I tried, however, to believe it didn't mean much harm;

So confident was I that

Pages