قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, January 17, 1891
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, January 17, 1891
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A—Takes delayed pig-iron and third-class passengers. B—Half of train stops here through breaking an axle-pin. C—Passengers, for protection, get under seats of carriages. D—Stops for repairs. E—Having had a collision at the junction for Aberfeldy, will come on, if there are any passengers equal to finishing the journey.
F—Starts under the management of a Director, and, owing to a misunderstanding, dashes off to Aberdeen, without stopping. G—Doesn't stop, but knocks over a station-master. H—Is pelted as it tears through the station by ex-employés. I—Knocks over another station-master. J—Meets a pilot-engine, which it splits in half. K—Goes at full speed through the end of the terminus, depositing the passengers in a heap in the middle of the town.
L—Train starts, made up of horse-boxes and luggage-vans full of three weeks' arrears of parcels, first-class carriages, Post-office van, fifty coal-trucks, and a wild beast show, the Directors wishing to make up for lost time. M—Train breaking down here, mail and passengers only forwarded. N—Train attacked by rioters. Pitched battle with the passengers. O—Telegram from Motherwell saying, that owing to police intervention, train starts the day after to-morrow.
ARBITRATION.
THE SEAL. "BELAY, YOU TWO JOHNNIES!—AVAST QUARRELLING! GIVE ME A 'CLOSE-TIME,' AND LEAVE THE 'SEA' AN OPEN QUESTION."
SHOCKING!
Fair New-Englander (spending the Winter in the Old Country). "OH, WHAT A LOVE! AND IS IT THE FIRST YOU HAVE SHOT THIS YEAR, CAPTAIN RASPER?"
TOO CIVIL BY HALF; OR, PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE.
(A Drama Founded—more or less—upon Facts.)
ACT I.—"PAST."—Interior of the Savings Bank Department of the G.P.O. Employés engaged upon their work. The hour for customary cessation of labour strikes.
Official of a Higher Grade. Officers and Gentlemen, the exigencies of the Public Service require your presence for some time longer. I beg you to continue your work.
A Hundred Employés. Never! (Aside.) Ha! ha! the employment of Female Clerks is avenged!
Off. (almost in tears). Reconsider your decision, I beg—I implore!
Another Hundred Employés. Never! (Aside.) Seven hours a day and no longer—shall be secured at one fell swoop!
Off. (with indescribable emotion). Oh, my country! Oh, my Savings Bank Depositors! Oh, my dignity of the Civil Service!
[Faints in the arms of faithful Employés, whilst the other Clerks defiantly depart. Tableau.
ACT II.—"PRESENT."—Magnificent apartments of the P.-M.-Gen. in the G.P.O. Deputation of contrite Employés listening to the eloquent speech of their Official Chief.
P.M.G. (in effect). I am delighted that you are such good fellows. Your conduct in owning that you were wrong in refusing to work after regular official hours, almost effaces a painful page in the history of St. Martin's-le-Grand. Let it be clearly understood that extra work is not compulsory, but, if not undertaken, may lead (as in the present instance) to immediate suspension, if not dismissal. Surely no one can object to that? (Contrite Officials express mournful approval.) And now good-bye, and A Happy New Year. As for the future—hope, my good friends, hope!
[Exeunt the contrite Employés, leaving the Officials of a Higher Grade agitating the nerves controlling their eyelids spasmodically.
ACT III.—"FUTURE."—Same Scene as Act I. Venerable Employés discovered, after twenty years' further service.
First Venerable Employé. Remember the words spoken a score of winters ago—Hope, brother, hope!
Second Venerable Employé. Yes—Hope, brother, hope!
[As the Scene closes, the entire Establishment are left continuing the self-sustaining, but rather profitless employment, indefinitely. Curtain.
A Son of the Pool. By the Author of A Daughter of the Pyramids.
Charles Keene
BORN AUGUST 10, 1823. DIED JANUARY 4, 1891.
