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THE BLIZZARD.

MRS. SELDOM-FESTIVE "AT HOME" (AND THE BEST PLACE TOO!), MARCH 9, 1891.

(10 to 1 Nobody turns up.)

A DIARY OF DOVER.

March, 1891.—Fearful storm in the Channel, when the Victoria is all but lost. Proposals in all the newspapers for the immediate commencement of an adequate harbour.

April, 1892.—Hurricane in the Channel, when seventeen ships are lost, and the Club Train Boat (without passengers) is carried, high and dry, as far as Amiens, by the force of the weather. Renewed suggestions for the immediate building of an adequate harbour.

May, 1893.—Cyclone in the Channel, in which the British Fleet disappears. The newspapers once more urge the immediate commencement of the proposed adequate harbour.

June, 1894.—Disaster in the Channel. Every single vessel swamped, owing to the terrific weather. Again the Press invites commencement of an adequate harbour.

July, 1895.—Members of both Houses of Parliament, invited to take part in a State function at Calais, having been put to considerable inconvenience, immediate orders are given for the prompt commencement of the much-needed adequate harbour at Dover.

August, 19—.—Proposed adequate harbour having employed the hands, night and day, of thousands of workmen, at enormous expense (owing to urgent pressure), is at length opened to the public, amidst universal rejoicing.

MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN.

(Condensed and Revised Version by Mr. P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenite.)

No. I.—ROSMERSHÖLM.

ACT I.

Sitting-room at Rosmershölm, with a stove, flower-stand, windows, ancient and modern ancestors, doors, and everything handsome about it, REBECCA WEST is sitting knitting a large antimacassar which is nearly finished. Now and then she looks out of a window, and smiles and nods expectantly to someone outside. Madam HELSETH is laying the table for supper.

Rebecca (folding up her work slowly). But tell me precisely, what about this White Horse? [Smiling quietly.

Madam Helseth. Lord forgive you, Miss!—(fetching cruet-stand, and placing it on table)—but you're making fun of me!

Rebecca (gravely). No, indeed. Nobody makes fun at Rosmershölm. Mr. ROSMER would not understand it. (Shutting window.) Ah, here is Rector KROLL. (Opening door.) You will stay to supper, will you not, Rector, and I will tell them to give us some little extra dish.

Kroll (hanging up his hat in the hall). Many thanks. (Wipes his boots.) May I come in? (Comes in, puts down his stick, sits down, and looks about him.) And how do you and ROSMER get on together, eh?

Reb. Ever since your sister, BEATA, went mad and jumped into the mill-race, we have been as happy as two little birds together. (After a pause, sitting down in arm-chair.) So you don't really mind my living here all alone with ROSMER? We were afraid you might, perhaps.

Kroll. Why, how on earth—on the contrary, I shouldn't object at all if you—(looks at her meaningly)—h'm!

Reb. (interrupting, gravely). For shame, Rector; how can you make such jokes!

Kroll (as if surprised). Jokes? We do not joke in these parts—but here is ROSMER.

"Taking off his gloves meaningly."

[Enter ROSMER, gently and softly.

Rosmer. So, my dear old friend, you have come again, after a year's absence. (Sits down.) We almost thought that—

Kroll (nods). So Miss WEST was saying—but you are quite mistaken. I merely thought I might remind you, if I came, of our poor BEATA's suicide, so I kept away. We Norwegians are not without our simple tact.

Rosmer. It was considerate—but unnecessary. REB—I mean, Miss WEST and I often allude to the incident, do we not?

Reb. (strikes Tändstickor). Oh, yes, indeed. (Lighting lamp.) Whenever we feel a little more cheerful than usual.

Kroll. You dear good people! (Wanders up the room.) I came because the Spirit of Revolt has crept into my School. A Secret Society has existed for weeks in the Lower Third! To-day it has come to my knowledge that a booby-trap was prepared for me by the hand of my own son, LAURITS, and I then discovered that a hair has been inserted in my cane by my daughter HILDA! The only way in which a right-minded Schoolmaster can combat this anarchic and subversive spirit is to start a newspaper, and I thought that you, as a weak, credulous, inexperienced and impressionable kind of man, were the very person to be the Editor.

[REB. laughs softly, as if to herself. ROSMER jumps up and sits down again.

Reb. (with a look at Rosmer). Tell him now!

Rosmer (returning the look). I can't—some other evening. Well, perhaps— (To KROLL.) I can't be your Editor—because (in a low voice) I—I am on the side of LAURITS and HILDA!

Kroll (looks from one to the other, gloomily). H'm!

Rosmer. Yes. Since we last met, I have changed my views. I am going to create a new democracy, and awaken it to its true task of making all the people of this country noblemen, by freeing their wills, and purifying their minds!

Kroll. What do you mean? [Takes up his hat.

Rosmer (bowing his head). I don't quite know, my dear friend; it was REB—I should say. Miss WEST's scheme.

Kroll. H'm! (A suspicion appears in his face.) Now I begin to believe that what BEATA said about schemes—no matter. But, under the circumstances, I will not stay to supper.

[Takes up his stick, and walks out.

Rosmer. I told you he would be annoyed, I shall go to bed now. I don't want any supper. [He lights a candle, and goes out; presently his footsteps are heard overhead, as he undresses. REBECCA pulls a bell-rope.

Reb. (to Madam HELSETH, who enters with dishes). No, Mr. ROSMER will not have supper to-night. (In a lighter tone.) Perhaps he is afraid of the nightmare. There are so many sorts of White Horses in this world!

Mad. H. (shaking). Lord! lord! that Miss WEST—the things she does say! [REB. goes out through door, knitting antimacassar thoughtfully, as Curtain falls.

ACT II.

ROSMER's study. Doors and windows, bookshelves, a writing-table. Door, with curtain, leading to ROSMER's bedroom. ROSMER discovered in a smoking-jacket cutting a pamphlet with a paper-knife. There is a knock at the door. ROSMER says, "Come in." REBECCA enters in a morning wrapper and curl-papers. She sits on a chair close to ROSMER, and looks over his shoulder as he cuts the leaves. Rector KROLL is shown up.

Kroll (lays his hat on the table and looks at REB. from head to foot). I am really afraid that I am in the way.

Reb. (surprised). Because I am in my morning wrapper and curl-papers? You forget that I am emancipated, Rector KROLL.