times must be many when sense will be winner

By chatting of trifles, which nations have riled,

As freely as though vis-à-vis at a dinner,

And carefully "tiled."

ANOTHER TELEPHONIC SUGGESTION.—Connect the Theatres and Opera Houses by Telephone with all the Clubs. On payment of a fixed charge, any member should be able to hear just as much of the piece or Opera as he might require. Something above the price of a Stall to be the maximum charge for one person to hear entire Opera. For half the Opera, say six shillings; for a quarter of it, three-and-six. For hearing one song in it, eighteen-pence; and, if certain songs be in great demand, the prices could be raised.

EPIGRAMMATIC DEFINITION OF MOST PUBLIC BANQUETS WITH POSTPRANDIAL ORATORY.—"Stuff and Nonsense."

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.

LORD SALISBURY. "HALLO!"

M. LE PRÉSIDENT. "HALLO!"

LORD SALISBURY. "YOU THERE?"

M. LE PRÉSIDENT. "ALL THERE!"

LORD SALISBURY. "CAN YOU SUGGEST AN ENTRÉE FOR DINNER?"

M. LE PRÉSIDENT. "HOMARD AU GRATIN,—AND, BY THE WAY, HOW ABOUT NEWFOUNDLAND AND LOBSTER QUESTION?"

LORD SALISBURY. "NOT BY TELEPHONE, THANK YOU!!!"

[Telephone between London and Paris opened, Monday, March 23rd.]

SUFFERING ON THE "SILVER STREAK."

THESE GENTLEMEN (AFTER A FEW HOURS' REST) DECLARED UNANIMOUSLY IN FAVOUR OF THE PROPOSED CHANNEL TUBULAR RAILWAY.

HANDS AS THEY ARE SHOOK.

(New Style.)