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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, April 11, 1891
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, April 11, 1891
a dignified gesture to the "Appointed Enumerator." that our interview was at an end, and then, taking my walking-stick with me, went in earnest and diligent search of "the young chap who does the boots!"
Pump-Handle Court, April 7, 1891.
"UP, GUARDS, AND ACT 'EM!"
The "them" in this adapted quotation must be taken to mean "Burlesques;" and if these gay and lighthearted soldiers continue their histrionics as victoriously as they have done up to now, they will become celebrated as "The Grinny-diers-and-Burlesque-Line-Regiments." Private MCGREEVY, as a cockatoo, capital: his disguise obliterated him, but as Ensign and Lieutenant WAGGIBONE stealthily observed, "What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't MCGREEVY for." The music, by the talented descendant of Israel's wise King SOLOMON, was of course good throughout, and in the Cockatoo Duet better than ever. The ladies were exceptionally good. Mrs. CRUTCHLEY defied the omen of her name, which is not suggestive of dancing, and "Jigged away muchly Did Mrs. CRUTCHLEY." The Misses SAVILE CLARKE,—the Savilians among the Military,—were charming. Lieutenant NUGENT is an old hand at this, and his Paul Prior was not a whit behind his former performances. There's one more Guard O, Major RICARDO. He played Crusoe, And well did he do so! Three cheers for everybody! With the Guards' Burlesque, we fear no foe. Chorus, Gentlemen, if you please, "We fear no foe!"
THE OLD (CRICKETING) 'OSS AND THE YOUNG (GLOUCESTER) COLTS.
Fifty, not out! A good start beyond doubt,
In a Twenty-four field, Doctor W.G.
And may Ninety-one bring us lots of good fun,
With you at the Wickets for Figures of Three,
To see the Old 'Oss stir in good time to foster
The coming-on "Colts," should give courage to Glo'ster!
"Such a Dawg!"
The enclosed was cut from The Field of last week:—
R. —— —— WANTS some friend to give him a small BULLDOG with a smile, for a house pet.—To be sent for inspection to, &c.
It is to be hoped that the advertiser will not get an animal that (to quote from Hamlet) "may smile and smile and be a villain!"
Ignotus.
Prate not about Fame! I've addressed half the world,
In Court and in cottage, in Castle and slum!
I've been warbled, and chorussed, and tootled, and skirled,
Yet, for kudos, I might just as well have been dumb.
Though familiar to all men, I'm wholly unknown;
You're inclined to pooh-pooh, and to say I am wrong?
Nay, listen, and you my correctness will own:
'Tis I wrote the words of a Popular Song!
NEW AND INTERESTING WORK.—As a companion to Dr. WRIGHT's The Ice Ages in North America and its bearing upon the Antiquity of Man, will shortly appear The Penny-Ice Age in London and its bearing on the Youth of the Metropolis.
A Brummagem Bolus.
(By an elate Liberal-Unionist.)
An "ill-starred abortion" WEG christened our party;
At present, as JOE hints, that sounds quite ironic.
True, lately our health did appear far from hearty,
But Aston has acted As-tonic!
NOTE FOR CRITICS.—How can any of us expect the truth from a historian who himself tells us that he merely "transcribes from MSS. lying before him!"
WHAT THE ITALIANS SEEM TO WANT IN LOUISIANA.—An unfair field, or no FAVA!
PICTURE SUNDAY.
(What Our Artist has to put up with.)
Fair Damsel (to Our Artist, who is explaining the beauties of his Picture). "CHARMING! CHARMING! BUT, OH, MR. FITZMADDER, WHAT A DELIGHTFUL ROOM THIS WOULD BE FOR A DANCE,—WITH THE MUSICIANS IN THE GALLERY, AND ALL THE EASELS AND PICTURES AND THINGS CLEARED AWAY!"
A FAIR EXCHANGE.
HOSEA BIGLOW speaks up on the situation:—
Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!
State rights won't be hurried by any one's hoofs;
UMBERTO, old hoss, would you like, I wonder,
To 'pologise first, and then bring up yer proofs?
Uncle SAM is free, and he sez, sez he:—
"The Mafia's no more
Right to come to this shore,
No more'n the Molly Maguires," sez he.
Uncle SAM ain't no kind o' bisness with nothin'
Like stabs in the back,—that may do for slaves.
We ain't none riled by their frettin' an' frothin'
Who shriek, in Hitalian, across the waves.
Uncle SAM is free, but he sez, sez he:—
"He will put down his foot
On the right to shoot
As claimed by the Mafia gang!" sez he.
Freedom's keystone is Law, yes; that there's no doubt on,
It's sutthin that's—wha' d'ye call it?—divine,—
The brutes who break it hain't nutthin' to boast on
On your side or mine o' the seethin' brine.
Uncle Sam is free, and he sez, sez he:—
"If assassins gang 'em
I'm game to hang 'em,
An' so git rid on 'em soon," sez he.
'Tis well for sleek cits for to lounge on their soffies,
And chat about "Law and Order," an' sich.
A formula pleasant for them in office,
Home-stayin' idlers, well-guarded rich.
Uncle SAM is free, but he sez, sez he:—
"Whar life's a fight,
Law, based on right,
May need the 'strong arm' of a Man," sez he.
Now don't go to say I'm the friend of force;
Best keep all your spare breath for coolin' your broth;
And when just Law has a fair clar course,
All talk of "wild justice" is frenzy and froth.
Uncle SAM is free, but he sez, sez he:—
"If he gits within hail
Of the Glan-na-Gael,
Or the Mafia either, he shoots," sez he.
This ain't no matter for sauce or swagger—
Too summary judgment both scout, I hope;
Though ef it's a chice betwixt rope and dagger,
I can't help sayin' I prefer the rope.
Uncle SAM is free, and he sez, sez he:—
"At a pinch I'll not flinch
From a touch of Lynch,—
That is—at a very hard pinch!" sez he.
But Lynch Law, UMBERTO, or Secret Society,
Both are bad, though the latter's wust;
We'll soon get shut of either variety,
You and me, UMBERTO, or so I trust.
Uncle SAM is free, but he sez, sez he:—
"Assassination
Won't build a nation,
Nor yet the unlegalised rope," sez he.
Withdraw your Ambassador! Wal, that air summary!
Italian irons so soon git hot!