331
On Dan Jackson's Picture 332
On the Same Picture 332
On the Same 333
On the Same Picture 333
On the Same Picture 333
Dan Jackson's Defence 335
Mr. Rochfort's Reply 336
Dr. Delany's Reply 338
Sheridan's Reply 339
A Rejoinder 340
Another Rejoinder 342
Sheridan's Submission 343
The Pardon 344
The Last Speech and Dying Words of Daniel Jackson 345
To the Rev. Daniel Jackson 347
Sheridan to Swift 349
Sheridan to Swift 350
Swift to Sheridan 350
Mary the Cook Maid's Letter 351
A Portrait from the Life 352
On Stealing a Crown when the Dean was asleep 353
The Dean's Answer 353
A Prologue to a Play 354
The Epilogue 355
The Song 355
A New Year's Gift for the Dean of St. Patrick's 356
To Quilca 358
The Blessings of a Country Life 359
The Plagues of a Country Life 359
A Faithful Inventory 359
Palinodia 361
A Letter to the Dean 362
An Invitation to Dinner 364
On the Five Ladies at Sot's Hole 365
The Five Ladies' Answer to the Beau 367
The Beau's Reply 368
Dr. Sheridan's Ballad on Ballyspellin 368
Answer by Dr. Swift 371
An Epistle to two Friends 373
To Dr. Sheridan 374
Dr. Helsham's Answer 374
A True and Faithful Inventory 376
A New Simile for the Ladies 377
An Answer to a Scandalous Poem 381
Peg Radcliffe the Hostess's Invitation 386
Verses by Sheridan 387

VERSES ADDRESSED TO SWIFT AND TO HIS MEMORY

To Dr. Swift on his Birth-Day 390
On Dr. Swift 390
To the Rev. Dr. Swift, Dean of St. Patrick's,
   a Birth-Day Poem, Nov. 30, 1736 391
Epigrams occasioned by Dr. Swift's intended Hospital
   for Idiots and Lunatics 393
On the Dean of St. Patrick's Birth-Day 394
An Epistle to Robert Nugent, Esq. 396
On the Drapier, by Dr. Dunkin 399
Epitaph proposed for Dr. Swift 400
To the Memory of Dr. Swift 401
A Schoolboy's Theme 403
Verses on the Battle of the Books 404
On Dr. Swift's leaving his Estate to Idiots 404
On several Petty Pieces lately published against Dean Swift 405
On Faulkner's Edition of Swift 405
Epigram on Lord Orrery's Remarks 406
To Dr. Delany, on his Book entitled "Observations
   on Lord Orrery's Remarks" 406
Epigram on Faulkner 407
An Inscription 407
An Epigram occasioned by the above 407
Index 409

POEMS OF JONATHAN SWIFT

POEMS ADDRESSED TO VANESSA AND STELLA

CADENUS AND VANESSA[1] 1713

The shepherds and the nymphs were seen
Pleading before the Cyprian queen.
The counsel for the fair began,
Accusing the false creature Man.
The brief with weighty crimes was charged
On which the pleader much enlarged;
That Cupid now has lost his art,
Or blunts the point of every dart;—
His altar now no longer smokes,
His mother's aid no youth invokes:
This tempts freethinkers to refine,
And bring in doubt their powers divine;
Now love is dwindled to intrigue,
And marriage grown a money league;
Which crimes aforesaid (with her leave)
Were (as he humbly did conceive)
Against our sovereign lady's peace,
Against the statute in that case,
Against her dignity and crown:
Then pray'd an answer, and sat down.
  The nymphs with scorn beheld their foes;
When the defendant's counsel rose,
And, what no lawyer ever lack'd,
With impudence own'd all the fact;
But, what the gentlest heart would vex,
Laid all the fault on t'other sex.
That modern love is no such thing
As what those ancient poets sing:
A fire celestial, chaste, refined,
Conceived and kindled in the mind;
Which, having found an equal flame,
Unites, and both become the same,
In different breasts together burn,
Together both to ashes turn.
But women now feel no such fire,
And only know the gross desire.
Their passions move in lower spheres,
Where'er caprice or folly steers,
A dog, a parrot, or an ape,
Or some worse brute in human shape,
Engross the fancies of the fair,
The few soft moments they can spare,
From visits to receive and pay,
From scandal, politics, and play;
From fans, and flounces, and brocades,
From equipage and park parades,
From all the thousand female toys,
From every trifle that employs
The out or inside of their heads,
Between their toilets and their beds.
  In a dull stream, which moving slow,
You hardly see the current flow;
If a small breeze obstruct the course,
It whirls about, for want of force,
And in its narrow circle gathers
Nothing but chaff, and straws, and feathers.
The current of a female mind
Stops thus, and turns with every wind:
Thus whirling round together draws
Fools, fops, and rakes, for chaff and straws.
Hence we conclude, no women's hearts
Are won by virtue, wit, and parts:
Nor are the men of sense to blame,
For breasts incapable of flame;
The faults must on the nymphs be placed
Grown so corrupted in their taste.
  The pleader having spoke his best,
Had witness ready to attest,
Who fairly could on oath depose,
When questions on the fact arose,
That every article was true;
Nor further those deponents knew:
Therefore he humbly would insist,
The bill might be with costs dismiss'd.
The cause appear'd of so much weight,
That Venus, from her judgment seat,
Desired them not to talk so loud,
Else she must interpose a cloud:
For if the heavenly folks should know
These pleadings in the courts below,
That mortals here disdain to love,
She ne'er could show her face above;
For gods, their betters, are too wise
To value that which men despise.
And then, said she, my son and I
Must stroll in air, 'twixt land and sky;
Or else, shut out from heaven and earth,
Fly to the sea, my place of birth:
There live with daggled mermaids pent,
And keep on fish perpetual Lent.
  But since the case appear'd so nice,
She thought it best to take advice.
The Muses, by the king's permission,
Though foes to love, attend the session,
And on the right hand took their places
In order; on the left, the Graces:
To whom she might her doubts propose
On all emergencies that rose.
The Muses oft were seen to frown;
The Graces half ashamed look'd down;
And 'twas observed, there were but few
Of either sex among the crew,
Whom she or her assessors knew.
The goddess soon began to see,
Things were not ripe for a decree;
And said, she must consult her books,
The lovers' Fletas, Bractons, Cokes.
First to a dapper clerk she beckon'd
To turn to Ovid, book the second:
She then referr'd them to a place
In Virgil, vide Dido's case:
As for Tibullus's reports,
They never pass'd for law in courts:
For Cowley's briefs, and pleas of Waller,
Still their authority was smaller.
  There was on both sides much to say:
She'd hear the cause another day;
And so she did; and then a third;
She heard it—there she kept her word:
But, with rejoinders or replies,
Long bills, and answers stuff'd with lies,
Demur, imparlance, and essoign,
The parties ne'er could issue join:
For sixteen years the cause was spun,
And then stood where it first begun.
  Now, gentle Clio, sing, or say
What Venus meant by this delay?
The goddess much perplex'd in mind
To see her