The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Pleasures of a Single Life, or, The Miseries Of Matrimony, by Anonymous

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Title: The Pleasures of a Single Life, or, The Miseries Of Matrimony

Author: Anonymous

Release Date: October 19, 2004 [eBook #13800]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)

***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PLEASURES OF A SINGLE LIFE, OR, THE MISERIES OF MATRIMONY***

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THE PLEASURES OF A SINGLE LIFE

Or, The Miseries of Matrimony

Occasionally Writ Upon the many DIVORCES lately Granted by Parliament.

WITH THE CHOICE,
OR, THE Pleasures of a Country-LIFE.

Dedicated to the Beaus against the next Vacation.

London: Printed and Sold by H. Hills, in Black-fryars, near the Water-side. 1709. Price One Penny.

Wedlock, oh! Curs'd uncomfortable State,
Cause of my Woes, and Object of my hate.
How bless'd was I? Ah, once how happy me?
When I from those uneasie Bonds were free;
How calm my Joys? How peaceful was my Breast,
Till with thy fatal Cares too soon opprest,
The World seem'd Paradice, so bless'd the Soil
Wherein I liv'd, that Business was no Toil;
Life was a Comfort, which produc'd each day
New Joys, that still preserv'd me from decay,
Thus Heav'n first launch'd me into pacifick Seas,
Where free from Storms I mov'd with gentle Breeze;
My Sails proportion'd, and my Vessell tite, }
Coasting in Pleasures-Bay I steer'd aright, }
Pallac'd with true Content, and fraighted with delight }

Books my Companions were wherein I found
Needful Advice, without a noisy Sound,
But was with friendly pleasing silence taught,
Wisdom's best Rules, to fructify my Thought,
Rais'd up our Sage Fore-fathers from the dead, }
And when I pleas'd, invok'd them to my Aid, }
Who at my Study-Bar without a Fee would plead: }
Whilst I Chief Justice sat, heard all their Sutes,
And gave my Judgment on their learn'd Disputes;
Strove to determine ev'ry Cause aright,
And for my Pains found Profit and Delight,
Free from Partiality; I fear'd no blame,
Desir'd no Brib'ry, and deserv'd no Shame,
But like an upright Judge, grudg'd no Expence
Of time, to fathom Truth with Diligence,
Reading by Day, Contemplating by Night,
Till Conscience told me that I judg'd aright,
Then to my Paper-World I'd have recourse,
And by my Maps run o'er the Universe;
Sail round the Globe, and touch at every Port,
Survey those Shoars where Men untam'd resort,
View the old Regions where the Persian Lord
Taught Wooden Deities first to be Ador'd,
Ensnar'd at last to Sacrifice his Life
To the base Pride of an Adult'rous Wife,
And where the Grecian Youth to Arms inur'd. }
The hungry Soil with Persian Blood manur'd, }
Where bold Busephilus brutal Conduct show'd, }
The force of monstrous Elephants withstood,
And with his Rider waded through a purple Flood.

Then would I next the Roman Field survey,
Where brave Fabricius with his Army lay;
Fam'd for his Valour, from Corruption free,
Made up of Courage and Humility.
That when Encamp'd the good Man lowly bent,
Cook'd his own Cabbage in his homely Tent:
And when the Samaites sent a Golden Sum,
To tempt him to betray his Country Rome,
The Dross he scoffingly return'd untold, }
And answer'd with a Look serenely bold, }
That Roman Sprouts would boil without their Grecian Gold: }
Then eat his Cale-worts for his Meal design'd,
And beat the Grecian Army when he'd din'd.

Thus wou'd I range the World from Pole to Pole;
To encrease my Knowledge, and delight my Soul;
Travel all Nations and inform my Sence;
With ease and safety, at a small Expence:
No Storms to plough, no Passengers Sums to pay,
No Horse to hire, or Guide to show the way,
No Alps to clime, no Desarts here to pass,
No Ambuscades, no Thief to give me chase;
No Bear to dread, or rav'nous Wolf to fight,
No Flies to sting, no Rattle-Snakes to bite;
No Floods to ford, no Hurricans to fear;
No dreadful Thunder to surprize the Ear;
No Winds to freeze, no Sun to scorch or fry,
No Thirst, or Hunger, and Relief not nigh.
All these Fatiegues and Mischiefs could I shun; }
Rest when I pleas'd, and when I please Jog on, }
And travel through both Indies in an Afternoon. }

When the Day thus far pleasingly was spent,
And every Hour admin'stred Content,
Then would I range the Fields, and flow'ry Meads,
Where Nature her exub'rant Bounty spreads,
In whose delightful Products does appear
Inimitable Beauty ev'ry where;
Contemplate on each Plant, and useful Weed,
And how its Form first lay involved in Seed,
How they're preserv'd by Providential Care,
For what design'd, and what their Virtues are.
Thus to my Mind by dint of Reason prove,
That all below is ow'd to Heaven above,
And that no Earthly Temporals can be,
But what must Center in Eternity.
Then gaze aloft, whence all things had their Birth,
And mount my prying Soul 'twixt Heaven and Earth,
Thus the sweet Harmonv o' th' whole admire, }
And by due Search new Learning still aquire, }
So nearer ev'ry day to Truths Divine aspire. }

When tir'd with thought, then from my Pocket pluck
Some friendly dear Companion of a Book,
Whose homely Calves-skin fences did contain
The Verbal Treasure of some Old good Man:
Made by long study and experience wise,
Whose piercing thoughts to Heavenly knowledge rise,
Amongst whose Pious Reliques I would find,
Rules for my Life, Rich Banquets for my mind,
Such pleasing Nectar, such Eternal Food,
That well digested, makes a Man a God;
And for his use at the same time prepares
On Earth a Heav'n in spight of worldly Cares,
The day in these Enjoyments would I spend,
But chuse at Night my Bottle and my Friend,
Took prudent care that neither were abus'd,
But with due Moderation both I us'd.
And in one sober Pint found more delight,
Then the insatiate Sot that swills all Night;
Ne'er drown my Senses, or my Soul debase.
Or drink beyond the relish of my blass
For in Excess good Heav'ns design is Crost,
In all Extreams the true Enjoyments lost,
Wine chears the Heart, and elevates the Soul,
But if we surfeit with too large a Bowl,
Wanting true Aim we th' happy Mark o'er Shoot,
And change the Heavenly Image to a Brute.
So the great Grecian who the World subdu'd,
And drown'd whole Nations in a Sea of Blood;
At last was Conquer'd by the Power of Wine,
And dy'd a Drunken Victime to the Vine.
My Friend, and I, when o'er our Bottle sat,
Mix'd