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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 10, 1891
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 10, 1891
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 101.
October 10, 1891.
THE CYCLIST CENTAUR OF THE FUTURE.
THE DREAM OF A (PNEUMATIC) TYRO.
ATROPOS AND THE ANTHROPOIDS.
(A Dirge at the Zoo.)
["The Anthropoid apes, of which there was recently such a representative series in the Zoo, have dwindled sadly in numbers this year. The lamented decease of 'Sally' was referred to a few weeks ago; we have now to record the death of 'George,' the Orang-Outang."—Daily News.]
Late for the Chimpanzee the requiem rang,
Now the bell tolls for the Orang-Outang.
Well may spasmodic sobs choke childhood's gorge,
Now they who sighed for "Sally" grieve for "George."
A "wilderness of monkeys" can't console,
For Anthropoids defunct. Of Apedom's whole,
One little Chimpanzee, one Gibbon small,
(Who ought to write his race's "Rise and Fall,")
Alone remain to cheer the tearful Zoo,
And mitigate lone boyhood's loud bohoo!
"Sally" adieu! to "George" a long farewell!
Ah! muffle if you please their passing bell!
Only one thought can cheer us in the least;
"No doubt the stock will shortly be increased."
Thanks, Daily News! Wipe, childhood, the wet eye,
And Apedom for dead kin soften the Simian sigh!
CHARITY'S WORD OF COMMAND.—"Present alms!"
OYSTERS (NOT) FOR EVER!
A Native Hoister.He was a gentle Fishmonger, and WILLIAMSON his name,
No doubt you may have heard before his philanthropic game.
The lack of oysters pained him much, for how could people royster
And happy be in r-less months without the luscious oyster?
A look of pain was in his face, a pucker on his brow,
Long time he pondered very hard to try and find out how.
At last he cried, "Eureka! from France I'll go and bring them,
And into beds I've got at home without a murmur fling them."
Then they came across the Channel, and he very sweetly said,
"So glad to see you looking well, would you like to see your bed?
For there, my little dears, you stay; you'll one day know the reason.
I'll rouse you when the month of May makes natives out of season."
The Fishmongers, the Worshipful, sent down a man to see,
He wrung his hands and shook his head, and said, "Oh, miseree!
It pains me very deeply, and it drives me to distraction,
You've done what's wrong, and I shall have to institute an action."
Then WILLIAMSON, he sobbed aloud, and shed a bitter tear,
"Oh, hang it all," he cried, "why must you come and interfere?
I quite admit, however, that I see your point precisely,
So don't let's quarrel, let's be friends, and bring the action nicely."
They brought that friendly action, and the clever counsel tried
To prove to FAUDELL PHILLIPS that the law was on his side.
But the oyster-dealer found the law for him was one too many,
So he had to pay the piper—to be quite exact, a penny.
And you who love your oyster in the latter end of May,
In June, July, and August, too, will sadly rue the day,
For philanthropic folk will find it unremunerative
To introduce in summer-time this Franco-English native.1
Footnote 1: (return)Oysters are to be six shillings a dozen this winter!! How many of the ordinarily careless will now be compelled to go by RULES without going in for Oysters. N.B.—"Action" in these verses is poetic license for "summons."
"SAVE ME FROM MY FRIENDS!"
SCENE—A Place of Meeting. Enter Parliamentary Leader and his Subordinate. They greet one another effusively.
Leader (cordially). And now, my dear fellow, how are my interests?
Sub. (with much heartiness). Getting on capitally! Just been writing to all the papers to say that it is stupid to call you "Old Dot-and-go-one," because it is inapplicable to either your age or your mode of controversy.
Lead. (with a feeble smile). That was kind of you! But who had said it?
Sub. (airily). Oh, someone of about fourth-rate importance! and it had been quite forgotten you know. So I dragged it up again, and put it all right for you.
Lead. (shaking hands). Thanks, so very much. But if persons had forgotten it, why revert to it?
Sub. Oh, don't you see? Why, the point is, you are not a bit like it-not a scrap like it! Next week I shall write and say that it's rubbish to call you a turncoat, because you have always been consistent.
Lead. (anxiously). But is anybody calling me a turncoat?
Sub. Not that I know of, but they might, don't you see. So it's as well to be on the safe side. I shall say that, if any one did call you a turncoat, that the speaker would prove himself a liar! That ought to give you a leg up, oughtn't it?
Lead. (with some hesitation). My dear friend, you are most kind; but if you don't mind, I would be so immensely obliged if you would leave my interests alone.
Sub. (with great cordiality). What, leave your interests alone! Never! You may be always sure of my hearty support!
Lead. (earnestly). But as a personal matter, I must beg of you kindly to leave me alone.
Sub. (reluctantly). Well, of course, if you make it a personal matter, I must consent. But the Party will suffer.
Lead. (dryly). Possibly—from your point of view. [Exeunt.
JAWFUL NEWS!—The Diminution of the Jaw in the Civilised Races is the title of a pamphlet by Mr. F. HOWARD COLLINS. We haven't read it; but if it be in favour of the diminution of "jaw," we heartily recommend its study to all Members of Parliament, actual or intending, and to all post-prandial speechmakers generally.
BUMBLEDOM'S BIG OPENING.
Bumble. "DON'T BOTHER ME ABOUT YOUR DRAINAGE AND SICH! WHY, NOW THE SWELLS IS 'OOKIN' IT, I'M A-GOING TO BE CHAIRMAN OF THE COUNTY COUNCIL!"
Bumble (after