saying that I would feel much obliged if the Parade were postponed an hour. Adjutant returned his compliments, with a request that I would give in writing my reason for desiring a delay. Explained (by word of mouth) that I wanted to read the newspapers. Parade consequently postponed as requested. Obliging chap the Adjutant!

Wednesday.—Warned for Guard. Sent for the Major of my half-battalion (don't like bothering the Commanding-officer about every trifle), and explained that, although the Surgeon had seen me, and reported me fit, I had a presentiment that the easterly winds would play the very mischief with me if I went "Sentry Go." Major thought, perhaps it would be better if I were struck off duty. Excused Guard in consequence. Good sort Major of my half-battalion!

Thursday.—Sorry to find rations very unsatisfactory. Complained to the Officer of the day, who reported the matter to the Captain. Captain said he would have asked the entire company to dine with him at his Club had he not been engaged. He then passed us on to his Subs. The latter most obligingly gave us some food at a Restaurant. Châteaubriand excellent, Sole à la Normande decent, but Potage à la bisque too rich. Mistake to order the latter, as one can never get it really good, except on the Continent. Wine tol-lol. Pol Royer of '84. However, spent a very pleasant evening. Both Subs, when you know them, not half bad fellows!

Friday.—Rather a head, and felt generally out of sorts. Warned for Kit-inspection. Couldn't stand this, so called upon General Commanding District. Not at home, but was asked would I see his locum tenens? Replied in the negative, as I don't believe in go-betweens. Didn't return to barracks, as I thought I might get a breath of sea-air at Southend.

Saturday.—Arrested and conveyed to the Guard-room. Suppose I shall be released with a caution. At any rate, for the present, diary confiscated.

THE GARDEN OF SLEEP;

OR, "PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!"

Miss India. "EVICT ME? WITH PLEASURE, SAHIB. BUT HOW ABOUT 'COMPENSATION FOR DISTURBANCE?'"

In the heart of fair Ind, which JOHN BULL hopes to keep,

Trade planted a Garden—a Garden of Sleep;

'Neath the hot Eastern sky—in the place of good corn—

It is there that the baneful white Poppy is born,—

Chinese Johnny's desire, lending dreams of delight,

Which are his when the poppy-juice cometh in sight.

Oh! the Mart hath no heart, and Trade laugheth to scorn

The plea of friend PEASE, where the Poppies are born.

In this Garden of Sleep, where white Poppies are spread,

Fair INDIA plucketh the opiate head.

JOHN BULL says. "My dear, PEASE's tales make me creep.

He swears it, fills graves with 'pigtails,' who seek sleep!"

Fair INDIA replies, "That may possibly be;

But they Revenue bring, some Six Millions, you see!

Turn me out if you will, smash the Trade if you must;

But—you'll make up the money somehow, Sir, I trust!"

WANTED—A LOCAL HABITATION.

(Commended by Mr. Punch to the Patrons of British Art.)

English Art (to Sir James L-nt-n, Messrs. T-te and Agn-w), "NOW, GENTLEMEN, THE GOVERNMENT HAS GIVEN THE SITE FOR MY HOUSE,—IT ONLY REMAINS FOR YOU TO BUILD IT."

[The CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER announced that the Government had assigned a site for the new Gallery of Modern Art, as he thought it would be unwise to risk the failure of the gift of £80,000 which had been offered to erect a building.]

SOMEBODY'S LUGGAGE.

In view of the intense public excitement aroused by the statement that Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL, in his expedition to Mashonaland, is only going to take two books with him—SHAKSPEARE and MOLIÈRE—an Inquiring Correspondent has recently written to several eminent persons on this subject, and has received—so he says—the following replies:—

SIR,—You ask me what books I should take if I were contemplating a visit to the Dark Continent, like Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL. The question, in the abstract, and without reference to my own personality, is an interesting one, and no doubt human fallibility would, in the case you suppose, induce me to take several volumes of my own Gleanings with me,—not so much for their intrinsic merits, as because perhaps they might form a new kind of literature for native African potentates. HOMER, too, of course. At my time of life, however, I must be excused from grappling with any new Continents, dark or otherwise. I find that Ireland is quite dark enough for me just now. Excuse a card. Yours, W.E. GL-DST-NE.

SIR,—As I am not "contemplating an expedition to the Dark Continent," and have no sympathy with Hottentots, there seems to be no sufficient reason for my answering your questions, or for your asking them. S-L-SB-RY.

SIR,—Your question is ridiculous. The only books worth taking to Africa, or anywhere else, would be a bound copy of last year's Review of Reviews, GENERAL BOOTH's epoch-making volume, and—this is indispensable—SIR C. D-LKE's invaluable Problems of Greater Britain. When I went to Rome, I naturally took with me the "hundred best books in the world." They were a little heavy, but I thought the POPE would like to see them. However, circumstances prevented my presenting them to His Holiness. Yours, W.T. ST-D.

SIR,—I don't know much about books. I've just written rather a good one on Cricket, and I think if I were going to Africa I should take a supply. From all I've heard of TIPPOO TIB, I should think he would enjoy the game; at any rate TIPPOO ought to be able to master tip and run without much difficulty. W.G. GR-CE.

SIR,—Having consulted my relatives—also CAPTAIN M-L-SW-RTH—as to whether there would be any impropriety in giving a reply to your questions, I am happy to say that they seem to think there would be none, but that on the contrary it might even assist the takings at the Aquarium. I may therefore mention that if I were proceeding to Central Africa there is only one book I should dream of taking with me. That would be a copy of the Proceedings of the London County Council, since the joyful date of its advent on this planet. Yours obediently, Z-o.

SIR,—The one book I should take with me to Africa would be DR. PETERS' recent valuable work—More Light on Dark Africa. I should give it to the Dwarfs. It would make capital poisoned arrows. H.M. ST-NL-Y.

SIR,—The only book worth thinking about for such an expedition as you mention would be STANLEY's In Darkest Africa. Its Maps would be invaluable,—as presents for a rival explorer, whom one might desire to mislead as to his route. CARL P-T-RS.

Mr. Herkomer and Mr. Pennell.

PROFESSOR HERKOMER defends the use of Photography for the engraver's purposes, and clearly thinks that what TENNYSON ought to have written, in Locksley Hall, was—

"And the thoughts of men are widened by a Process of the Sun's."

He also comforts himself with the reflection that being called over the coals in the National