You are here
قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, December 26, 1891
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, December 26, 1891
know
That ARRIUS—or 'ARRY—romps in while CAT ULLUS is stopping to blow.
As to ARRIUS, I wish I'd 'ave knowed 'im, no doubt we'd 'ave palled up to-rights,
And 'ave chivied CAT ULLUS together, like one o' them broken-nosed frights
Saps call elassick busts; stone Aunt Sallies fit only for cockshies, dear boy,
Wich to chip out my name on their cheeks is a barney I always enjoy.
Your Cockney eternal? No doubt! And a jolly good job, I should say;
It's much more than yer conkey old Classicks, for they 'ave about 'ad their day.
You may stuff college ganders with all the compulsory cram as they'll carry,
And then it's yer fly bird as scores off 'em, whether that's ARRIUS or
DRAWING THE LINE.
Judge. "REMOVE THOSE BARRISTERS. THEY'RE DRAWING!"
Chorus of Juniors. "MAY IT PLEASE YOUR LUDSHIP, WE'RE ONLY DRAWING—PLEADINGS."
["Mr. Justice DENMAN said that he saw a thing going on in Court that he could not sanction. He saw Gentlemen of the Bar making pictures of the witness. Let it be understood that he would turn out any Gentleman of the Bar who did so in future."—Daily Paper, Thursday, December 17.]
A Diplomatic On Dit.
Where LYTTON lately ruled supreme,
A Marquis will direct affairs.
Congratulations, then, to him
And to ourselves in equal shares.
But stranger paradox than this
Most surely there has never been,—
We send a most distinguished man,
Yet only put a Duffer in!
THE BISHOP AND THE SEA-SERPENT.
["The Bishop of Adelaide, in writing to a colonial friend, states that while riding along the sea-beach he came across a dead sea-serpent, about 60 feet in length.... The Bishop describes his 'find' as the most peculiar animal he has ever seen."—Daily Paper.]
The Bishop saw the Serpent
A lying very near—
"Now, in the name of truth," says he,
"We'll have no lying here."
It was the Great Sea-Serpent,
Stretched out upon the shore—
It measured—well, no matter what,
It was all that, and more.
"He's dead! the Great Sea-Serpent!"
The Bishop cried, with glee,
"And now there is no Serpent
Within my present See."
'Tis scotched, not killed; for, sure as fate,
We'll fifty bet to five,
That, when the Season's dead, The Great
Sea-Serpent will revive.
HIS GREATEST PLEASURE.
["My greatest pleasure will be to think of you, Mr. ROGERS."—Grossly unfair extract from the Newspaper Report of Mr. Goschen's Speech on Girls' Education.]
In gilded halls some take their ease,
In song and dance they find delight;
And there are those whom banquets please,
And masques and revelry by night.
Such gauds are wearisome to me;
And wilder lures of dice or drink
Attract me not; my maddest glee
Is to sit still and think.
I think and think; the world grows less,
And Budgets seem but worthless toys;
For I am lost in happiness,
In my ecstatic joy of joys.
Ah, Mr. ROGERS, blessed name,
Let me think on till all is blue,
For pow'r is naught, nor wealth, nor fame,
Compared with thoughts of you.
THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS.
No. XX.
SCENE—The interior of a covered gondola, which is conveying CULCHARD and PODBURY from the Railway Station to the Hotel Dandolo, Venice. The gondola is gliding with a gentle sidelong heave under shadowy bridges of stone and cast-iron, round sharp corners, and past mysterious blank walls, and old scroll-work gateways, which look ghostly in the moonlight.
Culch. (looking out of the felze window, and quoting conscientiously).
"I saw from out the wave her structures rise,
As from the stroke of the enchanter's wand.";
Podb. For rest, see guide-books, passim, eh? Hanged if I can see; any structures with this thing on, though! Let's have it off, eh? (He crawls out and addresses Gondolier across the top.) Hi! Otez-moi ceci, entendez-vous? (Drums on roof of felze with fists; the Gondolier replies in a torrent of Italian.) Now a London cabby would see what I wanted at once. This chap's a fool!
"Hi! Otez-moi ceci!"Culch. He probably imagines you are merely expressing your satisfaction with Venice. And I don't see how you expect him to remove the entire cabin here! (PODBURY crawls in again, knocking his head.) I think we did well to let the—the others travel on first. More dignified, you know!
Podb. Um—don't see any particular dignity in missing the train, myself!
Culch. They won't know it was not intentional. And I think, PODBURY, we should go on—er—asserting ourselves a little while by holding rather aloof. It will show them that we don't mean to put up with—
Podb. Don't see that either. Not going to let that beast, VAN BOODELER have it all his own way!
Culch. Surely you know he decided suddenly to stay at Vicenza? He said so at breakfast. But I will not have your friend BOB perpetually—
Podb. At breakfast? Oh, I came down late. Vicenza, eh? Then he's out of it! Hooray! But as for BOB, he's all right too. Oh, I forgot you cut déjeuner. HYPATIA had another squabble with Miss TROTTER, and poor old BOB got dragged into it as usual, and now they ain't on speaking terms.
Culch. (overjoyed). You don't say so! Then all I can say, PODBURY, is that if we two can't manage, in a place like this, to recover all the ground we have lost—
Podb. More water than ground in a place like this, eh? But I know what you mean—we must be duffers if we don't leave Venice engaged men—which we're not as yet, worse luck!
Culch. No—but we shall be, if we only insist upon being treated seriously.
Podb. She treats me a devilish deal too seriously, my boy. But there, never mind—things will go better now!
SCENE—A double-bedded room in the