Mr. T. Why, land sakes! ain't that Mr. PODBURY and Mr. CULCHARD? Hi! You ain't ever going away? There's my darter and Miss HYPATIA around somewhere.—They'll be dreadful disappointed to have missed you!

Podb. (with an heroic attempt at cheeriness). We—we're awfully disappointed to have missed them, Mr. TROTTER. Afraid we can't stop now! Goodbye!

[CULCHARD pulls his hat-brim over his eyes and makes a sign to the gondoliers to get on quickly; Mr. TROTTER comments with audible astonishment on their departure to BOB, who preserves a discreet silence.

A PALMY DAY AT ST. RAPHAEL.

Villa Magali.—Delicious climate! STUART-RENDEL says it "reminds him of Devonshire, without the damp." Mention of Devonshire reminds me of the DUKE. Try to point out to my friends that the Rossendale Election shows conclusively—Curious! Friends all get up and go out! Seems that ANDREW CLARKE specially told them I was to "avoid all excitement, over-exertion, and talk about politics!" Wish CLARKE would not be so unreasonable. Must talk about Rossendale to somebody.

Off to Hyères—to see CHILDERS. Find CHILDERS tolerably chatty. Doesn't seem to care so much about Rossendale result as I should have expected. STUART-RENDEL comes to fetch me. Ahem! Off.

At Monte Carlo.—Feel so well, have looked in here. Meet WELLS, the "Champion Plunger." Asks me if I've got a system; he's "been losing heavily, and would be glad of any hint." Suggest his putting on the numbers of Rossendale Majority. WELLS seems pleased at idea. Does so at once, and loses 10,000 francs straight off. Meet him in grounds afterwards, and try to explain real significance of Rossendale election. WELLS disappears. Curious! Can ANDREW CLARKE have got at WELLS?

Golfe San Juan.—French war-ships in Bay. Admiral might like to know my views on Rossendale and politics generally. Taken on board. Admiral much interested in MADEN's victory. Admiral asks if it was the "Grand Prix" that MADEN won? Find he thinks MADEN is a horse. Disappointing. [Query—ANDREW CLARKE again?] Sent on shore in boat, amid cheers from sailors. Gratifying.

Back to St. Raphael.—Tired, but on the whole gratified with my day. Friends pained to hear what I've done, and threaten to telegraph for Sir ANDREW! Shall pack up and return. Letter from MORLEY begging me to stay where I am. Odd! Can Sir ANDREW have got at JOHN MORLEY? Bed, and think it over.

BROTHER BRUSH, A.R.A.—Stan' up, STANHOPE FORBES! and receive our congratulations on your election. STAN-HOPE deferred maketh the painter's 'art sick of waiting, and now A FORBES, not The FORBES (which his name is JAMES STAATS, C.L.C. & D.R., &c., &c.), but the STANHOPE A-foresaid, has obtained his first grade. With what pleasure will the Art-loving Chairman see his STANHOPE "on the line!" In Burlington House, of course we mean, as elsewhere, the situation would be one of no slight danger.

"PLEASED AS PUNCH."—A paragraph in the D.T. informed Mr. P. and the public generally, that "Dr. ROBSON ROOSE and Mr. ALLINGHAM are contented with Mr. EDWARD LAWSON's progress." "If Box"—"And Cox"—"are satisfied," then of all Mr. E.L.'s friends in front none will be more delighted to hear of his complete recovery than his neighbour, Mr. Punch, of 85, Fleet Street.

SOMETHING NEW IN SOAP.—The Soap Trade is still booming. Almost every week appears a fresh candidate for public favour, its claim based upon some alluring speciality. We hear of a newcomer likely to take the cake (of soap). On all the walls, and in most of the advertisement columns, will presently blaze forth its proud legend:—"The Satisfactory Soap—Won't Wash Anything."

LEGAL IMPROVEMENTS.

IN ORDER TO HUSBAND OUR JUDICIAL STAFF, IN FUTURE A JUDGE WILL BE EXPECTED TO HEAR TWO CASES AT THE SAME TIME.

PORTRAIT OF A JUDGE TRYING A THEATRICAL "CAUSE CÉLÈBRE," AND A NICE QUESTION AS TO A "REMAINDER-MAN" AND A "TENANT IN TAIL MALE."

HIGH (BEERBOHM) TREESON!

DEAR MR. PUNCH,—I see that Mr. BEERBOHM TREE in his recent production of Hamlet has introduced a novelty into the tragedy by inventing fresh business. Unauthorised by the text, he has included Ophelia amongst the Court "attendants," and, finding her on the stage, has indulged in a dignified flirtation (in dumb show), worthy of the hero of L'Enfant Prodigue himself. Now I think this a great improvement, and were the masterpiece to be "written up" throughout on the same lines, I am sure the representation would be received with enthusiasm. It might be that the performance would be a little longer, but think of the enormous gain in interest. To show you what I mean, I take the first five lines of the opening Act:—

SHAKSPEARE'S VERSION.

SCENE I.—Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. FRANCISCO on his post. Enter to him BERNARDO.

This passage, furnished with proper business, might be rendered the means of showing the sort of life led by Laertes, justifying the advice subsequently given to him by Polonius more appropriate to the conditions of the case as now (for the first time) fully divulged, Thus—I give my view of the matter:—

AMENDED VERSION.

SCENE I.—Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. As the Curtain rises, shouts and laughs are heard without. A Village Maiden rushes in, as if pursued. She hides herself behind the sentry-box, and then escapes. FRANCISCO, who is on his post, looks about, and is surrounded by Danish Gallants, who have come in pursuit of the Maiden. He threatens them with his arms, and only one remains, who seems overcome by wine. The intoxicated Gallant is masked, and evidently very much the worse for liquor. He clumsily draws his sword. FRANCISCO is about to despatch him, when the mask falls, and in the dissipated reveller the Sentry recognises the bloated features of LAERTES. He immediately presents arms, as LAERTES is his superior officer. LAERTES, half-sobered by this suggestion of discipline, wishes to retire unseen, and gives largesse to FRANCISCO. The Sentry is greatly gratified, when to them enters BERNARDO.

Ber. Who's there?

Fran. (sheltering LAERTES, who stealthily retires by a rope-ladder which falls from the battlements to the moat below). Nay, answer me. Stand and unfold yourself!

By my version I really introduce a most interesting underplot, which, in my opinion, is equally pleasing and quite as defensible as Mr. BEERBOHM TREE's business with Ophelia.

Yours,
A STICKLER.