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قراءة كتاب Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, March 19, 1892
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Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, March 19, 1892
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 102.
March 19, 1892.
"ARE YOU HANSARD NOW?"
Merchant of Venice.
["The entire stock of Hansard's Parliamentary Debates ... was offered for sale. The vast collection, nearly 100,000 volumes, scarcely fetched the price of waste paper."—Daily Paper.]
The Auctioneer exclaimed,—"These Vols.
Have neither fault nor blot.
I think that I, without demur,
May call them quite 'a lot.'
"Speeches by RUSSELL, PAM, and BRIGHT,
Good for the heart and head.
Take them as spoken; if you like,
Pray take them, too, as read."
But when the Auction did begin,
Bidders, alack! were lacking;
Back numbers hove in sight in shoals,
Yet seemed to have no backing.
"Then this," quoth he, "appears to be
The dismal situation;
Though from these speeches statesmen quote,
For them there's no quotation.
"The eye has 'heavenly rhetoric,'
Hear WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE cry;
But heavenly rhetoric now, 'tis plain,
Itself is all my eye.
"A penny! Really such a bid
I can't allow to pass;
A man who'd offer coppers here
Must be composed of brass.
"'Progress' I cannot well 'report,'
Unless this lot is bought in;
The only progress seems to be,
When there'll be no reportin'.
"Such priceless gems, such wretched bids!"
The hammer-man did shout;
"If you desire, I knock them down—
You first must knock me out!
"No higher offer? Then I'm forced,
Pray pardon the suggestion—
To take a hint from Parliament,
And 'move the Previous Question.'"
ANOTHER SHAKSPEARE!
Mysterious!The last play by M. BLAGUE VAN DER BOSCH has just been translated into English. It is called The Blackbeetle, and is a purely domestic drama. The following Scene from the last Act will give some idea of the exquisite simplicity and pathos of this great work. M. VAN DER BOSCH's admirers freely assert that SHAKSPEARE never wrote anything like this. It will be noticed that M. VAN DER BOSCH, like M. MAETERLINCK, does not always name his characters, but only mentions their relation to each other.
SCENE XXV.—The Great Grandmother, the Mother-in-law, the Female First Cousin one remove, and the Brother-in-law's Aunt are discovered standing on the table, and the Half-sister's Nephew by marriage on a chair.
The Mother-in-law. Eh? eh? eh?
The Female First Cousin one remove (pointing to Half-sister's Nephew by marriage). He! he! he!
The Great Grandmother. Ay! ay! ay!
The Half-sister's Nephew by marriage (shuddering). Oh! oh! oh!
The Brother-in-law's Aunt (to him). You! you! you! [The Half-sister's Nephew by marriage descends and resolutely steps upon the Blackbeetle. Curtain.
ENTÊTEMENT BRITANNIQUE.
RONDEAU.
Mal à la tête, ennui, migraine,
We risk in trying to explain
Why, though the Income-tax is high,
This country never can supply
Such galleries as line the Seine.
Yet gifts are treated with disdain,
Which gives the would-be donors pain,—
We've now a name to call that by,
"Mal à la TATE."
Next time an offer's made in vain
MACNEILL, or someone, will obtain,
Or ask, at least, the reason why,
And even dumber folks will cry,
"By Jove! they've made a mull again,
MULL à la TATE!"
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Brer Rabbit.Everybody who took delight in our old friend Uncle Remus will thoroughly enjoy A Plantation Printer, by JOEL CHANDLER HARRIS. The Baron doesn't recommend it to be taken at one sitting, the dialect being rather difficult, but a chapter at a time will be found refreshing. The like advice may be acted upon by anyone who has invested in the latest volume of the Library of Wit and Humour, entitled Faces and Places. By H.W. LUCY. The "Faces" are represented by a portrait of Ride-to-Khiva BURNABY, and one of the Author of these entertaining papers. The first brief narrative, which ought to have been called "How I met BURNABY," is specially interesting; and the only disappointing thing in the book is the omission of "An Evening with Witches," as a companion picture to "A Night at Watts's."
By the way, in my copy of A Plantation Printer, the English printer has made one slip, a sin of omission, at p. 153, where, Miss CARTER, a charming young lady, is watching a Georgian Fox-hunt. She sees "a group of shadows, with musical voices, sweep across the Bermuda fields."
"'O ow beautiful!' exclaimed Miss CARTER, clapping her little hands," and, we may add, dropping her little "h" in her excitement. "I can put up with the loss of an 'h,' but not for a wilderness of aspirates would I have lost this healthy, cheery chapter," says
TO A RAILWAY FOOT-WARMER.
At first I loved thee—thou wast warm,—
The porter called thee "'ot," nay, "bilin.'"
I tipped him as thy welcome form
He carried, with a grateful smile, in.
Alas! thou art a faithless friend,
Thy warmth was but dissimulation;
Thy tepid glow is at an end,
And I am nowhere near my station!
I shiver, cold in feet and hands,
It is a legal form of slaughter,
They don't warm(!) trains in other lands
With half a pint of tepid water.
I spurn thy coldness with a kick,
And pile on rugs as my protectors.
I'd send—to warm them—to Old Nick,
Thy parsimonious Directors!
RICH V. POOR.
(A Note kindly contributed by Our Own Graphic Reporter.)
Nothing could have been more impressive than the closing scene of a trial that was one of the features of the present Sessions. The Counsel for the Prisoner made no pretence of hiding his emotion, and freely used his pocket-handkerchief. Many ladies who had until now been occupied in using opera-glasses, at this point relinquished those