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قراءة كتاب Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, March 5, 1892
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Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, March 5, 1892
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 102.
March 5th, 1892.
POPULAR SONGS RE-SUNG.
Great is the might of the Meaningless! Especially in a rattling refrain or a rousing chorus. Big drum effects are always popular. What wonder clever Miss LOTTIE COLLINS'S "Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay!" is all the rage? "Her greatest creation" (vide advertisements), "sung and danced with the utmost verve," has taken the town. Will it "mar its use" to attach a meaning to it? Let us try:—
No. VI.—THAT'S HOW WE BOOM TO-DAY!
I.
A SMART "mug-lumberer" one must be
To-day, to "fetch" Sassiety;
Not too strict, of swagger free,
And as "fly" as "fly" can be.
Ever pushing, ever bold,
(Else one's left "out in the cold")
Thus Success you grasp, and hold.
And may sing, though Pecksniffs scold,—
Chorus.
Tra-la! We "boom" to-day!
That's how we "boom" to-day!
Bra-va! We "boom" to-day!
Hoo-rah! We "boom" to-day!
[And so on, six times or more.
II.
All want to "Boom." But don't be shy,
For modesty is all my eye.
Shun all reserve, if you would try
For "paying" notoriety.
If you would "make your pile" in haste,
You must not bother about "taste."
Every chance must be embraced,
If you would sing when fairly "placed,"
Chorus—Tra-la! We "boom" to-day!
[Over and over again.
III.
Art's a good game. 'Tis easier far
Than 'twas of old to be a Star.
Hit on some trick crepuscular,
Like smudge or smoke, and there you are!
They'll mouth, and call you "Master." So
You're sure—in time—to be a go.
You will catch on, and sell, although
Your meaning not a soul may know,—
Chorus—Tra-la-la! "Boom" to-day!
[Ad libitum.
IV.
If Humour is your little line,
Coherent sense you must resign,
Cry, "Paradox alone's divine!
LAMB had his manner, this is Mine!"
Try strain and twist; gnaw the dry bone
Of mirth till all the marrow's gone;
And crowds, who first stared like a stone,
Your "subtle genius" soon will own.
Chorus—Tra-la! We "boom" to-day!
[Ad nauseam.
V.
Is the Dramatic "biz" preferred?
There you may "boom" it like a bird.
Turn on the Absolute-Absurd;
By that strange tap the mob is stirred.
Be dismal, deathly, dirty, dim;
Grovelling, ghastly, gruesome, grim,
Anything meaning morbid whim;
Quidnuncs will cry, "What treuth! what vim!"
Chorus—Tra-la-la! "Boom" to-day!
[As long as you like!
VI.
Or would you even higher fly,
And found a "Cult"? You've but to try.
That blend fools follow in full cry,
Meaninglessness plus Mystery!
A witch astride upon a broom,
A bogie in a darkened room,
Nonsense and nubibustic gloom,—
Mix them like witch-broth; they will "boom"!
Chorus—Tra-la! We "boom" to-day!
[Till you are tired of it.
VII.
Boom! Boom! 'Twill bring in cent. per cent.,
With that Big Drum, Advertisement.
Nonsense, with nous discreetly blent,
Finds the world cheated—and content.
But "make your game" while yet there's room,
For novel shapes of quackery. Doom
Awaits us in the outer gloom:
A day may come when Bosh won't "Boom"!
Chorus.
That's how we "boom" to-day!
Tra-la! We "boom" to-day!
Ha-ha! We "boom" to-day!
Tra-la! We "boom" to-day!
[And so on till further orders.
"ASSISTED EDUCATION."OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.—Quoth one of the Baron's Assistants to his Chief, "Sir, those who love the personality, and venerate the memory of CHARLES DICKENS, will thank Miss HOGARTH who has selected, Mr. LAWRENCE HUTTON who has edited, and OSGOOD, MCILVAINE & CO. who publish, a series of letters addressed by BOZ to WILKIE COLLINS. They bear date between the years 1851 and 1870, were found among COLLINS'S papers after his death, and prove not the least precious of his possessions. Foster's Life of Dickens will undoubtedly remain the medium through which the outer world shall know the great novelist." "True," interposes the Baron, "that certainly is one way in which admiration for the works of the great novelist will be foster'd among us. You agree? Of course you do. Proceed, sweet warbler, your observations interest me much." Whereupon the warbler thus addressed continued. "But, Sir, we are all conscious of a certain unpleasant taste those volumes leave in the mouth. Some of the incidents recorded, and many of the letters, present DICKENS with undue prominence in a possible phase of his character, as a ruthless tradesman in literature and lecturing, with some tendency to be overbearing in his social relations. In this little volume of letters to his old familiar friend we find him at his best, whether as a worker in literature or as a critic of other people's work."
BARON DE BOOKWORMS & CO.
"JOINT OCCUPATION."
(Suggested by Cook's Tourist in Egypt.)
THE MODERN ALEXANDER'S FEAST; OR, THE POWER OF SOUND.
"WITH RAVISHED EARS,
THE MONARCH HEARS,
ASSUMES THE GOD,
AFFECTS TO NOD,
AND SEEMS TO SHAKE THE SPHERES!"
