I've the right. But I won't. You shall pay for it, my fine fellow—you are going to pay—now.

[BETTY brings a pen and an inkstand; she places them on the table; HECTOR seizes them and pushes them in front of WALTER. BETTY slinks to the other side of the room, and stands by the sofa.

HECTOR. [To WALTER.] Now you write. You hear? You write what I dictate.
Word for word. What's the old brute's name?

WALTER. Whose?

HECTOR. Whose! Her father, the sealing-wax man, old Gillingham?

WALTER. [Staring.] Gillingham?

HECTOR. Gillingham. Yes. What is it?

WALTER. You want me to write to him?

HECTOR. [Nodding.] To him. Who else? A confession? I've had that. His name?

WALTER. [Dropping the pen and half rising.] I won't—

HECTOR. [Springing upon him in a mad fury, and forcing him back into the chair.] You won't, you dog! You dare say that—to me! By Heaven, you will! You'll lick the dust off this floor, if I tell you! You'll go on your hands and knees, and crawl! Sit down, you! Sit down and take up your filthy pen. So. [Thoroughly cowed, WALTER has taken up the pen again.] And now—his name. Don't make me ask you again, I tell you, don't. What is it?

WALTER. Richard.

HECTOR. Very well, Richard. So write that down. To Richard Gillingham. I have to-day proposed to your daughter, and she has accepted me. Got that? She has accepted me. But I can't marry her—can't marry her—because I have seduced the wife of my friend Hector Allen—

WALTER. [Appealingly, dropping his pen.] Hector!

HECTOR. [Frantically gripping WALTER by the throat, till he takes up his pen again.] The wife of my friend Hector Allen—write it—and plainly, you hound, plainly—so—and because I am taking the woman away with me to-night.

BETTY. [With a loud cry.] Hector!

HECTOR. [Over his shoulder, watching WALTER write.] Silence, over there, you! Hold your tongue! Go into your room and put on your things—we've done with you here! Take what you want—I don't care—you don't show your face here again. And you—[he taps his clenched hand against WALTER'S arm] write. What are you stopping for? How far have you got? [He peers over WALTER'S shoulder.] Because—I—am—taking— the—woman—away—with—me—to-night.

BETTY. [Beside herself, wringing her hands.] Hector, Hector—

HECTOR. [Savagely, as he makes a half-turn towards her.] You still there? Wait a bit. I'll come to you, when I've finished with him. If you haven't gone and put on your things, you shall go off without them. Into the street. You'll find other women there like you. [He turns back to WALTER.] Here, you, have you written? [He looks over WALTER'S shoulder.] Go on—I'm getting impatient. Go on, I tell you. I—am—taking—the—

[WALTER is slowly writing down the words, HECTOR standing over him; BETTY suddenly bursts into a peal of wild, uproarious laughter, and lets herself fall into a chair to the left of the card-table.

HECTOR. [Madly.] You!

[He leaves WALTER, and almost springs at her.

BETTY. [Brimming with merriment.] Oh, you old donkey! How we have pulled your leg!

HECTOR. [Staring at her, stopping dead short.] You—

BETTY. [Through her laughter, choking.] Hector, Hector! Conventional situations! The usual stodge! The lover and husband! You goose, you wonderful old goose!

[WALTER, with a mighty effort, has pulled himself together, and roars with laughter too. He jumps up. HECTOR is standing there blinking, paralysed.

WALTER. [Merrily, to BETTY.] Oh really, you shouldn't. You've given it away too soon!

BETTY. Too soon! He'd have strangled us. Did you ever see such a tiger?

WALTER. [Chuckling hugely.] He didn't give the lover much chance to stand up to him, did he?

BETTY. And wasn't he original! Dog, hound, villain, traitor!

WALTER. To say nothing of Jezebel! Though, between ourselves, I think he meant Messalina!

BETTY. And I was to go into the street. But he did let me fill my bag!

WALTER. I think the playwrights come out on top, I do indeed. [He goes to HECTOR, and stands to left of him.] Hector, old chap, here's the letter!

BETTY. [Going to the other side of HECTOR, and dropping a low curtsey.] And please, Mr. Husband, was it to be a big bag, or a small bag, and might I have taken the silver teapot?

[HECTOR has been standing there stupid, dazed, dumbfounded, too bewildered for his mind to act or thoughts to come to him; he suddenly bursts into a roar of Titanic, overwhelming laughter. He laughs, and laughs, staggers to the sofa, falls on it, rocks and roars till the tears roll down his cheeks. He sways from side to side, unable to control himself—his laughter is so colossal that the infection catches the others; theirs becomes genuine too.

BETTY. [With difficulty, trying to control herself.] The letter! Old
Gillingham! "His name, scoundrel, his name!"

WALTER. [Gurgling.] With his hand at my throat! Sit there, villain, and write!

BETTY. "I'll deal with you presently! Wait till I've finished with him!"

WALTER. "Into the street!" At least, they do usually say "into the night!"

HECTOR. [Rubbing his eyes and panting for breath.] Oh, you pair of blackguards! Too bad—no, really too bad! It was! I fell in, I did! Oh, Lord, oh, Lord, what a nightmare! But it wasn't right, really it wasn't—no really! My Lord, how I floundered—head and shoulders— swallowed it all! Comes of reading that muck every day—never stopped to think! I didn't! Walter, old chap! [He holds out his hand.] Betty! My poor Betty! [He draws her towards him.] The things I said to you!

BETTY. [Carelessly eluding the caress.] At least admit that you're rather hard on the playwriting people!

HECTOR. [Getting up and shaking himself.] Oh, they be blowed! Well, you have had a game with me! [He shakes himself again.] Brrrrr! Oh, my Lord! What I went through!

BETTY. It was a lark! you should have seen yourself! Your eyes starting out of your head! You looked like a murderer!

HECTOR. By Jove, and I felt it! For two pins I'd have—

BETTY. And Mary Gillingham! That's the funniest part! That you could have thought he was engaged—to her!

[Involuntarily the smile dies away on WALTER'S face; he turns and stares at her; she goes on calmly.

BETTY. When she happens to be the one girl in this world he can't stand!

WALTER. [With a movement that he can't control.] Betty!

BETTY. [Turning smilingly to him.] No harm in my telling Hector—he scarcely knows her! [She swings round