life.  We have all our burdens to bear.  But hark!  I hear the cock-crow, and snuff the morning air.”  And with this the royal ghost vanishes up the chimney—if there be a chimney in that dismal harem, where poor old Twoshoes and her companions pass their nights—their dreary nights, their restless nights, their cold long nights, shared in what glum companionship, illumined by what a feeble taper!

“Did I understand you, my good Twoshoes, to say that your mother was seven-and-twenty years old when you were born, and that she married your esteemed father when she herself was twenty-five? 1745, then, was the date of your dear mother’s birth.  I daresay her father was absent in the Low Countries, with his Royal Highness the Duke of Cumberland, under whom he had the honour of carrying a halberd at the famous engagement of Fontenoy—or if not there, he may have been at Preston Pans, under General Sir John Cope, when the wild Highlanders broke through all the laws of discipline and the English lines; and, being on the spot, did he see the famous ghost which didn’t appear to Colonel Gardner of the Dragoons?  My good creature, is it possible you don’t remember that Doctor Swift, Sir Robert Walpole (my Lord Orford, as you justly say), old Sarah Marlborough, and little Mr Pope, of Twitnam, died in the year of your birth?  What a wretched memory you have!  What? haven’t they a library, and the commonest books of reference at the old convent of Saint Lazarus, where you dwell?”

“Convent of Saint Lazarus, Prince William, Dr Swift, Atossa, and Mr Pope, of Twitnam!  What is the gentleman talking about?” says old goody, with a “Ho! ho!” and a laugh like a old parrot—you know they live to be as old as Methuselah, parrots do, and a parrot of a hundred is comparatively young (ho! ho! ho!).  Yes, and likewise carps live to an immense old age.  Some which Frederick the Great fed at Sans Souci are there now, with great humps of blue mould on their old backs; and they could tell all sorts of queer stories, if they chose to speak—but they are very silent, carps are—of their nature peu communicatives.  Oh! what has been thy long life, old goody, but a dole of bread and water and a perch on a cage; a dreary swim round and round a Lethe of a pond?  What are Rossbach or Jena to those mouldy ones, and do they know it is a grandchild of England who brings bread to feed them?

No!  Those Sans Souci carps may live to be a thousand years old and have nothing to tell but that one day is like another; and the history of friend Goody Twoshoes has not much more variety than theirs.  Hard labour, hard fare, hard bed, numbing cold all night, and gnawing hunger most days.  That is her lot.  Is it lawful in my prayers to say, “Thank heaven, I am not as one of these”?  If I were eighty, would I like to feel the hunger always gnawing, gnawing? to have to get up and make a bow when Mr Bumble the beadle entered the common room? to have to listen to Miss Prim, who came to give me her ideas of the next world?  If I were eighty, I own I should not like to have to sleep with another gentleman of my own age, gouty, a bad sleeper, kicking in his old dreams, and snoring; to march down my vale of years at word of command, accommodating my tottering old steps to those of the other prisoners in my dingy, hopeless old gang; to hold out a trembling hand for a sickly pittance of gruel, and say, “Thank you, ma’am,” to Miss Prim, when she has done reading her sermon.  John! when Goody Twoshoes comes next Friday, I desire she may not be disturbed by theological controversies.  You have a fair voice, and I heard you and the maids singing a hymn very sweetly the other night, and was thankful that our humble household should be in such harmony.  Poor old Twoshoes is so old and toothless and quaky, that she can’t sing a bit; but don’t be giving yourself airs over her, because she can’t sing and you can.  Make her comfortable at our kitchen hearth.  Set that old kettle to sing by our hob.  Warm her old stomach with nut-brown ale and a toast laid in the fire.  Be kind to the poor old school-girl of ninety, who has had leave to come out for a day of Christmas holiday.  Shall there be many more Christmases for thee?  Think of the ninety she has seen already; the four-score and ten cold, cheerless, nipping New Years!

If you were in her place, would you like to have a remembrance of better early days, when you were young and happy, and loving, perhaps; or would you prefer to have no past on which your mind could rest?  About the year 1788, Goody, were your cheeks rosy, and your eyes bright, and did some young fellow in powder and a pigtail look in them?  We may grow old, but to us some stories never are old.  On a sudden they rise up, not dead, but living—not forgotten, but freshly remembered.  The eyes gleam on us as they used to do.  The dear voice thrills in our hearts.  The rapture of the meeting, the terrible, terrible parting, again and again the tragedy is acted over.  Yesterday, in the street, I saw a pair of eyes so like two which used to brighten at my coming once, that the whole past came back as I walked lonely, in the rush of the Strand, and I was young again in the midst of joys and sorrows, alike sweet and sad, alike sacred and fondly remembered.

If I tell a tale out of school, will any harm come to my old school-girl?  Once, a lady gave her a half-sovereign, which was a source of great pain and anxiety to Goody Twoshoes.  She sewed it away in her old stays somewhere, thinking here at least was a safe investment—(vestis—a vest—an investment,—pardon me, thou poor old thing, but I cannot help the pleasantry).  And what do you think?  Another pensionnaire of the establishment cut the coin out of Goody’s stays—an old woman who went upon two crutches!  Faugh, the old witch!  What?  Violence amongst these toothless, tottering, trembling, feeble ones?  Robbery amongst the penniless?  Dogs coming and snatching Lazarus’s crumbs out of his lap?  Ah, how indignant Goody was as she told the story!  To that pond at Potsdam where the carps live for hundreds of hundreds of years, with hunches of blue mould on their back, I daresay the little Prince and Princess of Preussen-Britannien come sometimes with crumbs and cakes to feed the mouldy ones.  Those eyes may have goggled from beneath the weeds at Napoleon’s jack-boots: they have seen Frederick’s lean shanks reflected in their pool; and perhaps Monsieur de Voltaire has fed them, and now for a crumb of biscuit they will fight, push, hustle, rob, squabble, gobble, relapsing into their tranquillity when the ignoble struggle is over.  Sans souci, indeed!  It is mighty well writing “Sans souci” over the gate; but where is the gate through which Care has not slipped?  She perches on the shoulders of the sentry in the sentry-box: she whispers the porter sleeping in his arm-chair: she glides up the staircase, and lies down between the king and queen in their bed-royal: this very night I daresay she will perch upon poor old Goody Twoshoes’ meagre bolster, and whisper, “Will the gentleman and those ladies ask me again!  No, no; they will forget poor old Twoshoes.” Goody!  For shame of yourself!  Do not be cynical.  Do not mistrust your fellow-creatures.  What?  Has the Christmas morning dawned upon thee ninety times?  For four-score and ten years has it been thy lot to totter on this earth, hungry and obscure? Peace and goodwill to thee, let us say at this Christmas season.  Come, drink, eat, rest awhile at our hearth, thou poor old pilgrim!  And of the bread which God’s bounty gives us, I pray, brother reader, we may not forget to set aside a part for those noble and silent poor, from whose innocent hands war has torn the means of labour.  Enough!  As I hope for beef at Christmas, I vow a note shall be sent to Saint Lazarus Union House, in which Mr Roundabout requests the honour of Mrs Twoshoes’ company on Friday, 26th December.

DE JUVENTUTE