Old Lady (buying records to send to France—to assistant in Gramophone Department).

"IF THAT ONE IS THE SONG CALLED, 'THERE'S A SHIP THAT'S BOUND FOR BLIGHTY,' I'LL TAKE IT. BUT WILL YOU FIRST LET ME KNOW IF IT CONTAINS ANY INFORMATION WHICH COULD BE OF ADVANTAGE TO THE ENEMY?"

A Prophet of Evil.

"SIR EDWARD CARSON ON THE ADMIRALTY'S NEW FIGHTING POLICY.

'IT CAN AND WILL BE DEFEATED.'"—Headlines in "The Daily Chronicle."

From an official circular relating to the British Industries Fair:—

"Information regarding the best means of reaching the Fair from all parts of London will be obtainable at the Fair, but will not be available before the opening day."

You must get there first, if you want to be told how to get there.

The Vicar (to Mrs. Bloggs, who has been describing the insulting behaviour of the lady next door). "WELL, WELL, IT MUST BE MOST UNPLEASANT BEING SHOUTED AT OVER THE WALL, BUT I SUPPOSE THE BEST THING IS TO TAKE NO NOTICE."

Mrs. Bloggs. "THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD LIKE TO DO, SIR. BUT O' COURSE I 'AS TO GIVE 'ER A ANSWER BACK NOW AND AGAIN—JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE, LIKE."

THE ACTING BOMBARDIER.

WHO FOLLOWS?

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

OPPOSITION APPROVAL OF THE NEW BOYS.

MR. WINSTON CHURCHILL (patting Sir EDWARD CARSON on the back)	} "HE'S BEEN TALKING SENSE."
MR. HERBERT SAMUEL (patting Mr. BONAR LAW on the back)

Monday, February 19th.—The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER announced that the "new money" subscribed for the War Loan amounted to at least seven hundred millions. Being a modest man he refrained from saying, "A loan, I did it," though it was largely due to his faith in the generosity and good sense of his fellow-citizens that the rate of interest was not more onerous to the State.

Mr. LYNCH thinks it would be a good idea if Ireland were specially represented at the Peace Conference, in order that her delegates might assert her right to self-government. I dare say, if pressed, he would be prepared to nominate at least one of her representatives. Having regard to the Nationalist attitude towards military service Mr. BALFOUR might have retorted that only belligerents would be represented at the Peace Conference, but he contented himself with a simple negative.

There is an erroneous impression that Mr. LLOYD GEORGE sits in his private room scheming out new Departments and murmuring like the gentleman in the advertisement of the elastic bookcase, "How beautifully it grows!" Up to the present, however, there are only thirty-three actual Ministers of the Crown, not counting such small fry as Under-Secretaries, and their salaries merely amount to the trifle of £133,500. It is pleasant to learn that a branch of the Shipping Controller's department is appropriately housed in the Lake Dwellings in St. James's Park; and, in view of Mr. KING'S objection that the members of the Secret Service with whom he has come into contact make no sort of secret about their business (one pictures them confiding in this gentleman), it is expected that the Board of Works will shortly commandeer a strip of Tube Railway to conceal them in.

Tuesday, February 20th.—In one respect the two representatives of the War Office in the House of Commons are singularly alike. When answering their daily catechism both wear spectacles—Mr. FORSTER an ordinary gold-rimmed pair, Mr. MACPHERSON the fearsome tortoise-shell variety which gives an air of antiquity to the most youthful countenance; and each, when he has to answer an awkward "supplementary," begins by carefully taking off his glasses and so giving himself an extra moment or two to frame a telling reply.

This afternoon Mr. MACPHERSON'S spectacles were on and off half-a-dozen times as he withstood an assault directed from various quarters against the refusal of the War Office to admit the profession of "manipulative surgery" to the Army Medical Service. In vain he was informed of wonderful cures effected by this means on generals and admirals, and even members of