قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, June 4, 1892
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, June 4, 1892
hardly confide his purple and fine linen to me like this. Go to bed gorgeous, and dream that my portmanteau, bag, and self-respect are all restored to me by the afternoon boat.... There must be something in dreams, for, oddly enough, this is exactly what does happen.
Next morning, at breakfast, I am handed a mysterious and, at first sight, rather alarming telegram from the Station-master at Dover. "Your bones will be sent on next boat." Suspect the word in the original was "boxes." But they may call them what they like, so long as I get them back again.
"The Campaign against the Jebus. Gallant Advance of the British." Dear old Mrs. RAM wants to know "who is commanding the British forces in the campaign against the Jebus" (which she spells "Gibus")? Mr. Punch is glad to inform his estimable correspondent that the principal officers commanding in the Gibus Campaign are Generals WIDE-AWAKE, BILLICOCK, JIMCROW, POTT, and BELTOPPER. Their strategical movements are worthy of the First Nap.
CONSIDERATE.—Arrangements are to be made for all Standing Committees in future to sit at certain hours. "For this relief, much thanks," as WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE, M.P., observed.
RECIPROCAL.
Sporting Gentleman. "WELL, SIR, I'M VERY PLEASED TO HAVE MADE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, AND HAD THE OPPORTUNITY OF HEARING A CHURCHMAN'S VIEWS ON THE QUESTION OF TITHES. OF COURSE, AS A COUNTRY LANDOWNER, I'M INTERESTED IN CHURCH MATTERS, AND—"
The Parson. "QUITE SO—DELIGHTED, I'M SURE. ER—BY THE BYE, COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WON TO-DAY?"
THE BURIAL OF THE "BROAD-GAUGE."
MAY 23, 1892.
["Drivers of Broad-Gauge Engines wandering disconsolately about with their engine-lamps in their hands; followed by their firemen with pick and shovel over their shoulder, waiting in anxious expectation of the time when that new-fangled machine, a narrow-gauge engine, should come down a day or two after."—Times' Special at Plymouth on Death of Broad Gauge.]
Not a whistle was heard, not a brass bell-note,
As his corse o'er the sleepers we hurried;
Not a fog-signal wailed from a husky throat
O'er the grave where our "Broad-Gauge" we buried.
We buried him darkly, at dead of night,
The sod with our pickaxes turning,
By the danger-signal's ruddy light,
And our oil-lamps dimly burning.
No useless tears, though we loved him well!
Long years to his fire-box had bound us.
We fancied we glimpsed the great shade of BRUNEL,
In sad sympathy hovering round us.
Few and gruff were the words we said,
But we thought, with a natural sorrow,
Of the Narrow-Gauge foe of the Loco. just dead,
We should have to attend on the morrow.
We thought, as we hollowed his big broad bed,
And piled the brown earth o'er his funnel,
How his foe o'er the Great-Western metals would tread,
Shrieking triumph through cutting and tunnel.
Lightly they'll talk of him now he is gone,
For the cheap "Narrow Gauge" has outstayed him,
Yet BULL might have found, had he let it go on,
That BRUNEL's Big Idea would have paid him!
But the battle is ended, our task is done;
After forty years' fight he's retiring.1
This hour sees thy triumph, O STEPHENSON;
Old "Broad Gauge" no more will need firing.
The "Dutchman" must now be "divided in two"!—
Well, well, they shan't mangle or mess you!
Accept the last words of friends faithful, if few:—
"Good-bye, poor old Broad-Gauge, God bless you!"2
Slowly and sadly we laid him down.
He has filled a great chapter in story.
We sang not a dirge—we raised not a stone,
But we left the "Broad Gauge" to his glory!
Footnote 1: (return)The Royal Commission appointed to inquire into the uniformity of railway gauges, presented their report to Parliament on May 30, 1846.
TO A DEAR YOUNG FEMININE FRIEND, WHO SPELT "WAGON" AS "WAGGON."
Bad spelling? Oh dear no! So tender, she
Wished that the cart should have an extra "gee."
KILLING NO MURDER.
(To the Editor of "Punch.")
MY DEAR SIR,—I have just been reading with a great deal of surprise "The Life and Letters of Charles Samuel Keene, by GEORGE SOMES LAYARD." Seeing the name of one of your colleagues as the first line of the "Index," I turned to page 74 and looked him out. I found him mentioned in an account given by Mr. M.H. SPIELMANN of the Punch Dinner, which Mr. GEORGE SOMES LAYARD had extracted from Black and White, no doubt to assist in making up his book. The following is the quotation:—"The Editor, as I have said, presides; should he be unavoidably absent, another writer—usually, nowadays, Mr. ARTHUR A'BECKETT—takes his place, the duty never falling to an artist." Then, to show how thoroughly Mr. GEORGE SOMES LAYARD is up to date, he adds to the name of Mr. ARTHUR A'BECKETT (after the fashion of Mr. Punch in the drama disposing of the clown or the beadle), "since dead." Now Mr. ARTHUR A'BECKETT is not dead, but very much alive. Do you not think, Sir, it would be better were gentlemen who write about yourself and your colleagues, to verify their facts before they attempt to give obituary notices, even if they be as brief as the one in question?
NEW AND APPROPRIATE NAME FOR MODERN PUGILISM.—The "Nobble" Art.
THE BURIAL OF THE "BROAD-GAUGE."
STUDIES IN THE NEW POETRY.
The world is of course aware by this time that a New Poetry has