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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 30, 1892
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 30, 1892
warm!)
It gives them the advantages of travel,
(By Jingo! I was nearly over then!
A tumble and the "gravel-rash" would gravel
The nimblest of extremely Grand Old Men)
Which, previous to the Cycle's happy advent,
Were out of almost everybody's reach.
(And to the "spirits" of the cycling-cad vent.
'Arry on Wheels the law must manners teach.)
It's really very much more profitable
Than is the long luxurious rail way journey.
(If in the saddle I feel not more stable,
I'll be "unhorsed," like tilter in a tourney!)
Monotonous the journey from the City,
Along a fixed unalterable route.
(This is an old "bone-shaker." 'Tis a pity!
For over the front wheel one's apt to shoot.)
The traveller's whirled from station unto station,
(I wish there were more stations on this road,)
With hardly half a chance for observation.
(If I know where I am, may I be blowed!),
Without an opportunity to examine
The district. (Wish that I could spot a pub!
For I am overdone with thirst and famine,
And see no chance of tipple or of grub!)
(I must travel many miles o'er clay or cobble,
I fear, before I'll have a real rest,
The big wheel and the little shift and wobble,
I think the low pneumatic Cycle's best.
Eh? "Dangerous to Cyclists!" That's a notice,
I fancy, that suggests a spin down-hill.
How stiff I feel! How very parched my throat is!
Hold up! By Jove, but that was near a spill!)
I emphasise the fact that I consider
That, physically—(Pheugh! that little wheel
Is dangerous as poor old WELLER's "widder,")
Yes, morally, and socially, I feel
The benefits of Cycling are unbounded,
Almost—(Almost I fear a nasty fall!
I wish, with big and little wheel confounded,
That I were on a Safety, after all!)
WHISPER BY AN ILL WIND.—If Alderman KNILL cannot conscientiously attend the Established Church service, whereat it is not essential for a Lord Mayor to be present, the Court of Aldermen ought to be proud of him, and elect him "Willy-Knilly" to be Lord Mayor all the same. Whatever may be the result, of Alderman KNILL nothing but good can be said. "Nil nisi bonum."
BLACK GAME.—"Bother Morocco!" says a Sportsman. "What's the news from the Moors?"
A PROSPECT OF THE TWELFTH.
(By an Impressionist.)
Certainly, I can foresee my adventures. I can tell of my march over the heather, of my delight as the breezy air sweeps over the moors, and helps to bronze my already sunburnt face!
I can fancy the chatter of the keeper as he holds my second gun, and pays me that attention which can only be wiped off by tips! I can hear the sound of the first shot, and decipher the meaning of the initial puff of smoke!
I can see the shadows disappearing as lunchtime comes to hand. I can recognise the cart with its goodly contents, and the girls who will sit beside us as we discuss our modest pies (hot and savoury,) and quaff our '84. And then I can hear the retreating footsteps as the darlings trip away, leaving us to resume our chase after the birds.
And then the shadows will grow longer, and the sun will set behind the hills in a mass of purple, red, and gold; and it will be time for us to turn our faces towards the shooting-box that will shelter us through the long watches of the summer's night.
And lastly I can see the final halt at the poulterer's, as we purchase the grouse to fill our bags before the journeying home.
A GEOGRAPHICAL THEORY.—"Where is Liberia?" inquired one cultured person of another, à propos of Mrs. RICKS's interview with the QUEEN. "I'm sure I don't know," was the answer, "but—judging by the name—I should think it was exactly opposite to Siberia."
WILLIAM THE WHEELMAN.
"'I CAN ONLY EMPHASISE THE FACT THAT I CONSIDER THAT PHYSICALLY, MORALLY, AND SOCIALLY, THE BENEFITS THAT CYCLING CONFERS ON THE MEN OF THE PRESENT DAY ARE ALMOST UNBOUNDED.' (Aside.) WISH I WERE ON A 'SAFETY'!!"
MINOR MISERIES.
No. I.—To a Lady on whose Table-Cloth he had upset the Mustard-Pot.
Dear Lady, in your dining-room
I sat, a melancholy slave.
Your smiles could hardly chase my gloom;
While others jested, I was grave.
And still you saw me sit and sit—
"Enough of this," you said, "come, come,
Be cheerful." While I merely bit
A foolish, irresponsive thumb,
And found no comfort in the act,
And cursed myself, the clumsy Goth,
As void of fingers as of tact,
Who spilt the mustard on the cloth!
That was the cause of all my woe—
Good lack, I blame my thumbs in vain;
Still on the cloth's expanded snow
I seem to see that yellow stain.
And still you sit and speak me fair,
And still your Butler grimly smiles,
The while I paint in mustard there
A sketch-map of the British Isles.
I think it had repaid my guilt
Had you flashed fire like Ashtaroth,
And scorched the clumsy wretch who spilt
That flood of mustard on your cloth.
Beef, pudding, cherry-tart, and cream,
What more could mortal man desire?
I munched them idly in a dream,
My head sang like a village choir.
I fumbled with the silver pot
From which that tawny torrent ran;
I heard you say it mattered not,
To cheer a miserable man.
So here I thank you; may I be
Extinct as is the Behemoth
Rather than spill by Fate's decree
Once more the mustard on your cloth.
THE NEXT AFRICAN MISSION.
(Telegraphic Précis of the Negociations.)
First Day.—Arrived safely at the Sultan's capital. Everything in proper order. Draft Treaty in my trunk with my diplomatic uniform. Escort in marching order. Ammunition in waggon. Quite ready to commence negociations. Only waiting for the conjuring paraphernalia of Herr VON KLEVERMANN to come up with us. Thought that that special morning performance before the King and Queen of the Cannibal Islands would delay matters.
Second Day.—Herr VON KLEVERMANN and his traps have arrived in camp. Looked over the conjuring tricks. Sorry to find that one of the best (the Inexhaustible Bottle) has been stolen by the Queen of the Cannibal Islands. As time is an object, unable to send back to recover it. Might have to fight for it, too, which would possibly lessen the