swallowing my egg, miserably yet with a certain gusto, and I dry my eyes hastily as I hear him bounding up the stairs.

"Hullo," he calls out before he is well through the door, "how are we to-day, eh? Beginning to sit up and take notice? I think we'll change your medicine."

"I think," I remark resignedly, "that it will be best for someone to dig a hole and bury me."

"Jolly good idea," he agrees heartily. "In fact why not do it to all of us? Please the Germans so too. But it can't be done, you know—there's a shortage of grave-diggers."

Heartless brute!

Regimental Sergeant-Major (to lady driver of motor ambulance). "I SEE YOU'VE GOT STRIPES. HAVE YOU GOT A SERGEANT-MAJOR?"

Corporal Maud Evans. "HAVE WE GOT A SERGEANT-MAJOR? I SHOULD THINK WE HAVE—THE CAT!"

"By fixing five potatoless days hope is entertained that supplies, which are scent, will be left to poor people who most require them."—Daily Chronicle.

This explains the remark of the Irishman who protested that it was weeks since he had tasted even "the smell of a potato."

"It will take years to cleanse the Ægean stables."—Civil and Military Gazette.

Still, M. VENEZELOS has made a good beginning with Samos, Lemnos and several other 'osses.

From the report of a prohibition meeting at Peebles:—

"A pleasant and most enjoyable addendum was a series of lantern slides depicting the havoc wrought by the Huns in Belgium."—Peebleshire Advertiser.

It is still "Peebles for pleasure" at any cost.

TRIALS OF A HEAVYWEIGHT.

"I HOPE YOU WON'T MIND, UNCLE, BUT I'VE LENT YOU TO MRS. ROBINSON FOR HALF-AN-HOUR AFTER LUNCH. SHE'S GOT AN AWFULLY STIFF BIT OF GROUND TO GET THROUGH."

THE HINDENBURG LINE.

In our earnest endeavour to discover exactly where this impregnable barrier is likely to be encountered we have collected the following references to it in the German Press of the next few months:—

... Our troops, according to plan, are now operating to the east of the Vimy Ridge where the fighting is taking the direction intended by us. We have succeeded in restoring a condition of voluntary elasticity, preparatory to the occupation of the famous Hindenburg Line, which covers Douai, St. Quentin and La Fère.

... Our rearguard actions to the east of St. Quentin are developing in accordance with our wildest dreams, our troops, after their brief respite in the so-called Wotan Line, displaying their ability in a war of rapid movement. The hesitating British are disconcerted by the recrudescence of fluidity on the front. We learn with satisfaction that our Northern divisions are now safely established in the Hindenburg Line—to the east of Douai.

... We learn to-day with the very keenest emotion of the complete and brilliant evacuation of the Siegfried Line, to the east of Douai, and the re-establishment of a new measure of liquidity. British aeroplanes (of which 133 have been brought down according to plan) have been making long flights over our territory with a view to observation of the Hindenburg Line—on the left bank of the Meuse. It is said that two of our machines are missing, but a recount has been ordered. There must be some mistake.

... A shrewd blow has been dealt to the British by our abandonment, in agreement with the prospectus, of the Beckmesser Line. All has gone according to our hopes, our longings and our prayers. We have crossed the Meuse.

... The secret is out at last. The Hindenburg Line, about which there has been so much speculation, is now known to run through Liége, Luxemburg and Metz. According to schedule we are now approaching this position, which has only been attained by an amazing display of spontaneous volatility on our part. The fighting of the last few weeks, in the neighbourhood of the Pogner, Sieglinda, Kurvenal and Lohengrin Lines, fell out as had been prognosticated by us.

... The importance of Cologne, as the main bastion of the impregnable Hindenburg Line, cannot be over-rated. Our strategical, voluntary and gratuitous crossing of the Rhine was carried out according to agenda....

THE IMPERFECT ECONOMIST.

"SWOOPING FROM THE WEST."

[It is the intention of our new Ally to assist us in the patrolling of the Atlantic.]

ON AN OUTLYING FORT.

Orderly Officer. "ANYTHING SERIOUS TO REPORT, SERGEANT?"

Sergeant. "GUNNER JONES FEELS 'OMESICK, SIR, AND MAY HE SEND FOR 'IS PARROT?"

THE GENERAL.