قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, August 6, 1892
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, August 6, 1892
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"June and July have passed away,
Like a tide.
Doors are open, windows wide.
Why in stuffy London stay?"
Sing the Sirens (slyboots they!)
With a Tennysonian twang,
To the Tourist,
(Not the poorest
You may bet your bottom dollar,
Which those Sirens aim to "collar."
Demoiselles, excuse the slang!)
"All within is dark as night,
In Town's windows is no light,
And no caller at your door,
Swell or beggar, chum or bore!
Close the door, the shutters close,
Or thro' windows folks will see,
The nakedness and vacancy,
Of the dark deserted house!"
"Come away! no more of mirth
Is here, or merry-making sound.
The house is shut, and o'er the earth
Man roves upon the Regular Round
Come away! Life, Love, Trade, Thought,
Here no longer dwell;
Shopkeepers censorious
Sigh, "What swells would buy, they've bought.
They are off! No more we'll sell.
Would they could have stayed with us!"
"Come away!" So Sirens sing—
Sly, seducious, and skittish—
To the Tourist, wealthy, British,
When Society's on the wing,
Or should be, for "Foreign Parts."
British BULL mistrusts their arts.
"Come away!"
(One doth say),
"Our Emperor is quiet to-day!"
Cries another,
"Come, my brother,
"Avalanches down again!"
Sings a third, with beckoning fingers,
"Come, come, where the Cholera lingers."
While a fourth—is it her fun?—
With the wide blue eyes of Hope
(As though advertising Soap),
Shouts, with glee,
"Come with me,
Unto Norroway, o'er the foam,
Far from home,
Wait there to see
Our (invisible) Midnight Sun!"
BULL, the tweed-clad British Tourist,
Muses—"Home seems the securest,
On the whole. Why widely ramble,
Tramp, and climb, and spend, and gamble,
Face infection, dulness, danger,
All the woe that waits "the Stranger,"
And the Tourist (rich) environs,
At the call of foreign Sirens,
When home charmers, bright-eyed, active,
Offer "metal more attractive?"
Four such darlings who'll discover
O'er the seas? Shall I, their lover,
Still discard them for yon minxes,
Harpies with the eyes of "lynxes"?
ALBION dear, and CAMBRIA mild,
CALEDONIA stern and wild,
As your poet said, but pretty;
HIBEBNIA mavourneen, jetty-
Hair'd, and azure-eyed, I greet ye!
Darlings, I am charmed to meet ye.
Why go wandering o'er the foam,
Like a latter-day ULYSSES,
When warm charms and wooing-kisses
Of such Sirens Four wait me at home?"
UNLUCKY COMPLIMENT.
Shoeblack (wishing to please liberal and important Customer). "SHOULDN'T LIKE TO GET A KICK FROM You, Sin!" [Gets one on the spot.
"L'HOMME PROPOSE—."
[Gentlemen are now coached "How to Propose."]
They sat it out upon the stairs,
Those dear old stairs! Ah me; how many
A time they've cost, all unawares,
A pretty penny!
Why they were fools enough to go
To sit on stairs, and miss the fun,
Quite baffles me; but still, you know,
It has been done.
The lights were low—lights often are—
I deem the fact though worth the noting,
And strains of music from afar
Came softly floating.
So whilst she pondered what Mamma
Would think, the band commenced to play
The epidemical "Ta-ra-
ra-boom-de-ay!"
He gazed into her eyes (of blue),
Sighed once as if it hurt him badly,
Then told her how 'twas but too true
He loved her madly.
With highly creditable skill
He turned the well-worn platitude—
His own unworthiness until
You really could
Not but admire each word, each look.
His speech was quite unrivalled in its
Intensity—in fact it took
At least ten minutes.
A peroration full of flowers,
A moisture in his other eye,
And then a pause—it seemed of hours—
For her reply.
Her answer came. He thought of it,
It haunted him for long years after,
She simply burst into a fit
Of ribald laughter.
And certainly it was absurd,
She laughed till she could laugh no more;
She'd heard the same thing, to a word,
The day before.
Two tyros in the Art of Love,
Each ARABELLA's ardent suitor,
Unluckily were pupils of
The self-same tutor!
So, should you fail to understand
A maiden's answer, this may show
Why sometimes Man proposes and
The Girl says "No!"
SKIRTS AND FIGURES.—M. JACOBI, of the Alhambra, has composed a "Skirt-dance," which has recently appeared in the Figaro. That the skirts for which the Composer has written are brand-new, and require no mending, is evident from the fact that, from first to last, there is no "Skirt-sew"—in Italian, Scherzo—movement.
A ROLLICKING SHOW.
In the International Horticultural Exhibition is, as advertised, "the Kiosk of the Australian Irrigation Colonies (CHAFFEY Bros.)." What fun the CHAFFEY Brothers must make of everything in the Exhibition! As long as the other exhibitors don't mind the chaff of the CHAFFEY Brothers, all will be harmonious. No doubt, round their Kiosk there are crowds all day, in roars of laughter, at the chaffing perpetually going on. The travelling Cheap Jack, were he in the building, would have some difficulty to hold his own against even one of the CHAFFEY Brothers, but pitted against an unlimited number of CHAFFEY Brothers, for their number is not stated in the advertisement, the unfortunate Cheap Jack would not be let, off cheaply. Apart from BUFFALO BILL, whose Show with a variety of novelties, is still a very big attraction, and the other amusements, this exhibit of CHAFFEY Brothers engaged in chaff-cutting, must be about one of the most attractive things in the Horticultural. By the way, in this same advertisement, there is a mysterious announcement "Stand 48." Of course,