pretence and purpose of unkindness: I will look further into't.—But where's my fool? I have not seen him this two days.

Knight. Since my young lady's going into France, sir, the fool hath much pined away.

Lear. No more of that; I have noted it well.—Go you and tell my daughter I would speak with her.—

[Exit Attendant.]

Go you, call hither my fool.

[Exit another Attendant.]

[Re-enter Oswald.]

O, you, sir, you, come you hither, sir: who am I, sir?

Osw.
My lady's father.

Lear. My lady's father! my lord's knave: you whoreson dog! you slave! you cur!

Osw.
I am none of these, my lord; I beseech your pardon.

Lear.
Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?
[Striking him.]

Osw.
I'll not be struck, my lord.

Kent.
Nor tripp'd neither, you base football player.
[Tripping up his heels.]

Lear.
I thank thee, fellow; thou servest me, and I'll love thee.

Kent.
Come, sir, arise, away! I'll teach you differences: away, away!
If you will measure your lubber's length again, tarry; but away!
go to; have you wisdom? so.
[Pushes Oswald out.]

Lear.
Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee: there's earnest of thy
service.
[Giving Kent money.]

[Enter Fool.]

Fool. Let me hire him too; here's my coxcomb.
[Giving Kent his cap.]

Lear.
How now, my pretty knave! how dost thou?

Fool.
Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.

Kent.
Why, fool?

Fool. Why, for taking one's part that's out of favour. Nay, an thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold shortly: there, take my coxcomb: why, this fellow hath banish'd two on's daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will; if thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.—How now, nuncle! Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters!

Lear.
Why, my boy?

Fool.
If I gave them all my living, I'd keep my coxcombs myself.
There's mine; beg another of thy daughters.

Lear.
Take heed, sirrah,—the whip.

Fool. Truth's a dog must to kennel; he must be whipped out, when the lady brach may stand by the fire and stink.

Lear.
A pestilent gall to me!

Fool.
Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.

Lear.
Do.

Fool.
Mark it, nuncle:—
    Have more than thou showest,
    Speak less than thou knowest,
    Lend less than thou owest,
    Ride more than thou goest,
    Learn more than thou trowest,
    Set less than thou throwest;
    Leave thy drink and thy whore,
    And keep in-a-door,
    And thou shalt have more
    Than two tens to a score.

Kent.
This is nothing, fool.

Fool. Then 'tis like the breath of an unfee'd lawyer,—you gave me nothing for't.—Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?

Lear.
Why, no, boy; nothing can be made out of nothing.

Fool. [to Kent] Pr'ythee tell him, so much the rent of his land comes to: he will not believe a fool.

Lear.
A bitter fool!

Fool. Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a bitter fool and a sweet one?

Lear.
No, lad; teach me.

Fool.
   That lord that counsell'd thee
     To give away thy land,
   Come place him here by me,—
     Do thou for him stand:
   The sweet and bitter fool
     Will presently appear;
   The one in motley here,
     The other found out there.

Lear.
Dost thou call me fool, boy?

Fool. All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast born with.

Kent.
This is not altogether fool, my lord.

Fool. No, faith; lords and great men will not let me: if I had a monopoly out, they would have part on't and loads too: they will not let me have all the fool to myself; they'll be snatching.—Nuncle, give me an egg, and I'll give thee two crowns.

Lear.
What two crowns shall they be?

Fool. Why, after I have cut the egg i' the middle and eat up the meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou clovest thy crown i' the middle and gav'st away both parts, thou borest thine ass on thy back o'er the dirt: thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown when thou gavest thy golden one away. If I speak like myself in this, let him be whipped that first finds it so. [Singing.] Fools had ne'er less grace in a year; For wise men are grown foppish, And know not how their wits to wear, Their manners are so apish.

Lear.
When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?

Fool.
I have used it, nuncle, e'er since thou mad'st thy daughters thy
mothers; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and puttest down
thine own breeches,
[Singing.]
   Then they for sudden joy did weep,
     And I for sorrow sung,
   That such a king should play bo-peep
     And go the fools among.

Pr'ythee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool to lie; I would fain learn to lie.

Lear.
An you lie, sirrah, we'll have you whipped.

Fool. I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are: they'll have me whipped for speaking true; thou'lt have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be thee, nuncle: thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides, and left nothing i' the middle:—here comes one o' the parings.

[Enter Goneril.]

Lear. How now, daughter? What makes that frontlet on? Methinks you are too much of late i' the frown.

Fool. Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for her frowning. Now thou art an O without a figure: I am better than thou art; I am a fool, thou art nothing.—Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue. So your face [To Goneril.] bids me, though you say nothing. Mum, mum, He that keeps nor crust nor crum, Weary of all, shall want some.— [Pointing to Lear.] That's a shealed peascod.

Gon.
Not only, sir, this your all-licens'd fool,
But other of your insolent retinue
Do hourly carp and quarrel; breaking forth
In rank and not-to-be-endured riots. Sir,
I had thought, by making this well known unto you,
To have found a safe redress; but now grow fearful,
By what yourself too late have spoke and done,
That you protect this course, and put it on
By your allowance; which if you should, the fault
Would not scape censure, nor the redresses sleep,
Which, in the tender of a wholesome weal,
Might in their working do you that offence
Which else were shame, that then necessity
Will call discreet proceeding.

Fool.
For you know, nuncle,
   The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long
   That it had it head bit off by it young.
So out went the candle, and we were left darkling.

Lear.
Are you our