The Project Gutenberg eBook, Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152, May 9, 1917, by Various, Edited by Owen Seaman

Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152, May 9, 1917

Author: Various

Release Date: March 11, 2005 [eBook #15330]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL. 152, MAY 9, 1917***

E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, Sandra Brown,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team

PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 152.

May 9, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

According to a Rome paper, HINDENBURG has requested that all the Royal Princes shall be removed from the West Front. The original plan of protecting Their Royal Highnesses by moving the Front further West has been definitely abandoned.

The Vossische Zeitung informs us that the late BISSING was a "veritable angel of mercy." The KAISER is wondering who started this scandal.

"We are back in the days," says Mr. PRETYMAN, "when the Mercantile Marine and the Navy were one." If these are the official figures that the Press has been clamouring for, the bread tickets will come none too soon.

Highland sheep-raisers are said to be feeding their lambs by hand on a mixture of hot milk and whisky. The little patients appear to take kindly to the diet, and one or two have even been understood to suggest that it seems rather a waste of milk.

The Imperial Government, we are informed, repudiates responsibility for the attack by one of its airmen on the Dutch village of Zierikzee, on the ground that, notwithstanding repeated warnings to abandon the unneutral practice, the village persisted in looking like a portion of the Isle of Wight.

Saluting is said to have been abolished in the Russian Army. Our own military authorities, on the other hand, declare that it would be unwise to abolish a practice in which the inventive genius of the young soldier has so much scope.

Many Germans, says Mr. GERARD, have food concealed in their wainscoting. But very few of them have any noticeable quantity behind their dadoes.

To mark the disapproval of a tax on complimentary theatre tickets several lifelong supporters of the British drama have already requested leading managers to take their names off the free list.

We learn from the Press, among the things that matter, that for two years a well-known Wye Valley angler has been trying to catch a certain large trout and at last he has succeeded in securing it. We understand that the trout died with a smile on his face.

We hope it is not due to the distraction of war, but America seems to be losing her dash. At a baseball match in New York the other day only three of the spectators were injured.

At the Shoreditch Tribunal a firm appealing for a man stated that he was "a director, traveller, buyer, manager, acted as cashier and costs clerk, loaded the vans, kept the place clean and made himself generally useful." It is just as well that they added the last item, or people might have thought he was one of those slackers we hear to much about.

News comes from Athens that KING CONSTANTINE is realising his position and contemplates abdication in favour of the CROWN PRINCE GEORGE. It is not yet known in whose favour the CROWN PRINCE GEORGE will abdicate.

Phenomenal prices were again paid at CHRISTIE'S last week for pearls. It is thought that official action will have to be taken to combat the belief, widely held in munition-making circles, that pearls dissolved in champagne are beneficial to the complexion.

"When we go to the Front we become the worst criminals," writes a German soldier taken prisoner at Trescault. We appreciate this generous attempt to shield his superiors, but cling to our belief that the worst criminals are still a good way behind the German lines.

M. TRIEU, the Public Executioner to the Emperor of AUSTRIA, has just been married. The bride has promised to obey him.

It is thought probable that Mexico will very shortly decide to declare peace on America.

Colonel W.F.N. NOEL, of Newent, claims that Gloucestershire cheese is as good as any made in England. He omits, however, to state whether these cheeses make good pets and are fond of children.

Paper-covered books are foreshadowed by the Publishers' Association, and it is rumoured that in order to conserve the paper supply Mr. CHARLES GARVICE has decided that in future he will not write more than two novels per week.

We resent the suggestion that the public is not prepared to accept "substitutes." Only the other day a man rushed into a London café, asked if they had any prussic acid, and, when told that they never kept it, remarked, "Very well. Bring me a pork pie."

Three hundred fishing-rods have been sent to the Mesopotamia Field Force. No request was forwarded for flies.

Dealing with IBSEN'S Ghosts at the Kingsway Theatre, the critic of a halfpenny morning paper refers to it as a "medley of weird psychopathy and symbolism." Just as if he were writing for a penny paper.

A woman at West London Police Court has been sentenced for "masquerading as a man." Several conscientious objectors are now getting very nervous on sighting a policeman.

Only egg-laying hens will be permitted to survive under the new regulations of the Board of Agriculture. Villagers who in the past have made a nice thing out of training hens to get run over by motor cars will be hard hit.

Now that racing has been prohibited it is unlikely that the Slate Club Secretaries' Sprinting Handicaps will be held this year.

"NO, DEAR, I'M AFRAID WE SHAN'T BE AT THE DANCE TO-NIGHT. POOR HERBERT HAS GOT A TOUCH OF ALLOTMENT FEET."

STOMACH FOR THE FIGHT.