قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 31, 1891
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 31, 1891
position to state that just prior to the General Election of 1880, Mr. CHAMBERLAIN was observed standing before a cheval glass, alternatively fixing his eyeglass in the right eye and in the left. Asked why he should thus quaintly occupy his leisure moments, he replied: "It is in view of the General Election. If on the platform any person in the crowd poses you with an awkward question, should you be able rapidly to transfer your eyeglass from your right eye to your left, and fix the obtruder with a stony stare, he is so much engaged in wondering whether you can keep the glass in position, that he forgets what he asked you, and you can pass on to less dangerous topics."
When Mr. SCHOMBERG McDONNELL informed his chief that Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL had "come upon eight lions," Lord SALISBURY sighed and remained for a moment in deep thought. Then he said, "How different had the eight lions come upon him!"
Mr. GLADSTONE has backed himself to walk a mile, talk a mile, write a mile, review a mile, disestablish a mile, chop a mile and hop a mile in one hour. Sporting circles are much interested in the veteran statesman's undertaking, and little else is talked about at the chief West End resorts. The general opinion of those who ought to know seems to be in favour of the scythe-bearer, but not a few have invested a pound or two on the Mid-Lothian Marvel.
TRUE LITERARY EXCLUSIVENESS.
"WHAT, MY DEAR REGINALD! YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY YOU DON'T ADMIRE BYRON AS A POET?"
"CERTAINLY NOT. INDEED I HAVE A QUITE SPECIAL LOATHING AND CONTEMPT FOR HIM IN THAT PARTICULAR CHARACTAH!"
"DEAR ME! WHY, WHAT PARTICULAR POEMS OF HIS DO YOU OBJECT TO SO STRONGLY?"
"MY DEAH GRANDMOTHAH, I NEVAH READ A LINE OF BYRON IN MY LIFE,—AND I CERTAINLY NEVAH MEAN TO!"
TRYING IT ON.
["The natural result of a rapprochement between Russia and Italy, even if avowedly platonic in its character, would be to weaken the prestige and moral force of the Triple Alliance."—The Times.]
Pst! Hang it, quite au mieux! Now what am I to do?
I must draw her attention, if I'm going to have a chance.
She seems so satisfied with those gallants at her side
That just now in my direction she will hardly deign a glance.
Pst! Darling, just a word!
No! Deaf as any post! It is perfectly absurd!
Pst! Heeds me not the least, just as though I were the Beast,
And she the sovereign Beauty that she deems she is, no doubt.
Since she won those burly beaux, it appears to be no go,
But Bruin's an old Masher, and he knows what he's about.
Pst! Darling, look this way!
In your pretty little ear I've a word or two to say!
The coy Gallic girl I've won. It is really awful fun,
For her prejudice was strong as was that of Lady ANNE
To the ugly crookback, DICK. But my wooing there was quick.
Platonic? Oh! of course. That is always Bruin's plan.
A flirtation means no harm,
When you wish not to corrupt or betray, but simply charm.
Fancy Italian girl won by the swagger twirl
Of an Austrian moustache! It is monstrous, nothing less.
What would GARIBALDI say? Well, he doesn't live to-day,
Or he'd tear her from the arm of her ancient foe, I guess.
And that stalwart Teuton too!
Do you really think, my girl, he can really care for you?
Ah! you always were a flirt, Miss ITALIA. You have hurt
France's feelings very much. Why, she stood your faithful friend
When the hated Austrian yoke bowed your neck. Did you invoke
The pompous Prussian then your captivity to end?
Pst! Just a moment, dear.
I've a word or two to say it were worth your while to hear.
Ah! A hasty glance she throws o'er her shoulder. But for those
Big, blonde, burly bullies twain, I could win her, I am sure;
For my manners all girls praise, and I have such winning ways,
And my lips, for kisses made, are for love a lasting lure.
Pst! How those two stride on,
Without a glance at me! Do they think the game is won?
Hrumph! The Bear, although polite, is as pertinacious, quite,
As the tactless Teuton pig. I'll yet spoil their little game.
Triple Alliance? Fudge! If that girl is a good judge,
She will make a third with Me and my latest Gallic "flame."
Pst! Come along with me,
My dark Italian belle! We shall make a lovely Three!
ACCI-DENTAL QUERY.—Let me ask the Patres Conscripti of our Academy Royal, why Dentists are not admitted A.R.A. ex officio. We have all for ever so long, since the memory of the oldest JOE MILLER, which runneth not to the contrary, known that Dentists drew teeth. But they nowadays add to their accomplishments by painting gums. The other day a friend of ours had a gum beautifully painted by a Dentist-artist in a certain Welbeck Street studio. It was a wonderful gathering; our friend in the chair.
The Old Joe and the New.
To the humorous mind of a cynical cast,
Party change many matters for mirth affords;
But of all the big jokes, we've the biggest at last,
In CHAMBERLAIN's backing the House of Lords!
They toil not, nor spin? That's a very old jeer!
Won't the Lilies take back seats when JOE is a Peer?
TRYING IT ON!
RUSSIA. "SS—S—T! (Whispers.) I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU, MY DEAR!"
"LISTEN TO MY TALE OF WOA!"
(Not much Gaiety about it.)
TO MY LORD ADDINGTON.
[Lord ADDINGTON, speaking recently at a Harvest Festival, said, "If he were a labourer, and saw a rabbit nibbling his cabbages, he would go for that rabbit with the first thing at hand." (Enthusiastic cheers.)—Daily News.]
Lord ADDINGTON, most wonderful
Of people-pleasing peers,
You certainly