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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 15, 1892
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 15, 1892
time, I've no doubt, when I once got the 'ang of their style.
There's a gal at the Montpellier Baths. Scissoree! 'ow I've tried for a smile,
When she tips me my tannersworth! Shucks! she's as orty and stiff as yer please.
Primrose Dames isn't in it for snubs with these arrygant 'Arrygatese!
But I reckon my "Douche" is now due. Doctor BLACK's that pertikler, old man.
These 'Arrygate doctors 'ave progrums—you've got to pan out to their plan.
Up early, two swigs afore breakfust, and tubs when they tell yer's the rule.
Well, the feller as flies to a Sawbones, and don't toe the line is a fool.
Reglar Doctor-Shop, 'Arrygate is; see their photos all over the town.
Mine is doing me dollups of good; I'm quite peckish, and jest a bit brown.
I'm making the most of my time, and a-laying in all I can carry.
So 'ere ends this budget of brimstone and baths from your sulphur-soaked
A FROG HE WOULD A-ROWING GO!
A Sad Song of the International Boat Race.
(With Mr. Punch's cordial Compliments to the victorious French Eight.) AIR—"A Frog he would a-Wooing go."
A FROGGIE would a-rowing go,
Heigho for Rowing!
To see if Big BULLIE could lick him or no;
With his boating form that's all gammon and spinach.
Heigho for British Rowing!
So off he set with his boating-cap,
Heigho for Rowing!
And swore at Big BULL he would just have a slap!
Which BULL declared was all gammon and spinach!
Heigho for British Rowing!
"Pray, Mr. BULL, will you race with me?"
Heigho for Rowing!
Says BULL, "If you like, but 'tis fiddle-de-dee!
For FROG against BULL is all gammon and spinach."
Heigho for British Rowing!
When they came to Andresy upon the Seine,
Heigho for Rowing!
Big BULL pulled his hardest, but pulled in vain,
For he found his boasts were all gammon and spinach.
Heigho for British Rowing!
For in spite of the brag, and the bounce, and the chaff,
Heigho for Rowing!
The FROG beat the BULL by a length and a half,
With your MOSSOP and JAMES, licked by BOUDIN and CUZIN,
Heigho, says R.C. LEHMANN!
"Pray, Mr. BULL, do you relish the spin?"
Heigho for Rowing!
(Said FROGGIE.) "And were you cocksure you would win,
With your forty-one strokes all sheer gammon and spinach?"
Heigho for British Rowing!
"Humph! Regular take-down!" said Big Mr. BULL—
Heigho for Rowing!
"But, FROGGIE or not, by the lord you can pull,
With your much-decried 'hang,'—'twas all gammon and spinach!
Heigho for British Rowing!"
"Ha! Ha!" cried the FROG, "the old fable, thought true"—
Heigho for Rowing!
"Is out of date now. I'm as big, BULL, as you,
As an oarsman, which is not all gammon and spinach!"
Heigho for British Rowing.
So that in the end (for the present), you see,
Heigho for Rowing!
Of the race between Big BULL and Little FROGGIE.
BULL's fame, in a boat, seems all gammon and spinach.
Heigho for British Rowing!
LOOKING AHEAD.
Miss Golightly (the Friend of the Family, and to whom Sir Percy (the elder) has proposed). "OF COURSE I'M AWFULLY OBLIGED, SIR PERCY—BUT, SAY NOW, DON'T YOU THINK THERE WOULD BE SOME DANGER OF MY FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR ELDEST SON?"
MR. CHAUNCEY DEPEW, the well-known American lawyer, wonders why on earth the British Government has not long ago given Home Rule to Ireland. He encourages Mr. G.'s Ministry to do their best in this direction, and chaunce-y it. We're always delighted to welcome Mr. CHAUNCEY DEPEW in England, so let him come over with a Depewtation to Mr. G. on the subject.
EQUESTRIAN FRUIT.—At the Horticultural Show the Baroness BURDETT-COUTTS exhibited a "Cob of ADAM's Early Maize." No particulars are given. Was it 14'1 and a weight-carrier? Being ADAM's, it must be about the oldest in the world. "Maize" may be a misprint for "Mews." Next time the Baroness must send a pear.
PROBABLE DEDUCTION.—A pertinacious Salvation Army Captain was worrying a Scotch farmer, whom he had met in the train, with perpetual inquiries as to whether "he had been born again of Water and the Spirit?" At last, McSANDY replied, "Aweel, I dinna reetly ken how that may be, but my good old feyther and mither took their toddy releegiously every nicht, the noo."
THE AUSTRO-GERMAN OFFICER'S VADE-MECUM.
Q. You have heard of the Ride from Berlin to Vienna, and vice versâ?
A. Yes; and of the mishaps that befell many of the competitors.
Q. You mean their horses?
A. What applies to the one applies to the other.
Q. Some of the poor steeds died on the journey?
A. I daresay—of course, it was hard work.
Q. And you have read that, even when the poor horses were fainting and refusing food, the riders still went on?
A. Of course. The riders had magnificent pluck and nerve.
Q. What, to observe the anguish of their chargers without emotion?
A. No! The idea! I mean they had pluck and nerve in spite of all discouragement to push on to the winning-post.
Q. And what do you think this breaking down of the horses proved?
A. That, after all, the creatures were brutes—only brutes!
Q. Does not the suffering of these brutes suggest—
A. That the riders were brutes too?—Ah!
[No further question put, the Answerer having mastered the subject.
IN EXCELSIS.—No better example of the methods employed by Vivisectionists could be given than was presented at the Church Congress last week, where in debate on this subject they were all engaged in cutting up one another. The Bishop of EDINBURGH, denouncing the morality of the Bishop of MANCHESTER and of Bishop BARRY, was a rare sight. His Lordship said that the morality of these two Bishops was "up in a balloon." Well, surely this is morality of the most elevated description. These Bishops are not "in partibus," but in nubibus.
IN WATER COLOURS.—The East London Waterworks Company had a very successful meeting the other day. Inter alia the Chairman said, that "the Waltham Well is a complete success." Ergo let Well alone. That from this source they still supplied "36 gallons per head." The heads must be uncommonly hard to stand all