PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 152.

JUNE 6, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

It is rumoured that the Press campaign against young men of military age engaged in Government offices is causing some of them many sleepless days.

A correspondent writes to an evening paper to say that by his thermometer the recent heat was a record for the year. We suppose it is due to the example of the Censor in the matter of the Folkestone raid that nobody appears to be able to keep a secret.

"A movement is on foot," says a contemporary, "to present the Italian nation with a monument to SHAKSPEARE, to be erected in Rome." The alternative of despatching Mr. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW to become a naturalized Italian does not appear to have been so well received.

Lord COWDRAY recently presided at a lecture on "Flying after the War." Most people will be content to wait till it comes by again.

Mr. KENNEDY JONES has declared that beer is a food. This should have a salutary effect on those who have hitherto mistakenly regarded it as a pigment.

An artist has been arrested under the Defence of the Realm Act for sketching on the East Coast without permission. It is dangerous in these times to be caught mapping.

A contemporary complains that German officers at a South of England Prisoners' Camp are being driven to the dentist in motor cars. We also hold the opinion that these reprisals do more harm than good.

A controversy has recently been raging on the question of whether trousers will survive the War. The better opinion seems to be that a few exceptionally stout pairs at present in their infancy may be still extant when peace is actually declared.

The sudden and dramatic conclusion of the ROMNEY case was a great disappointment to many theatrical experts. They had predicted that it would run for at least as short a period as most of the other recent West-End revues.

The want of co-ordination between our Ministries becomes daily more marked. It is an offence to keep a stray dog more than three days, but, on the other hand, a sausage roll may be kept any length of time provided it is sealed up at both ends.

The report comes from a German source that the resignation of Count TISZA was procured by Marshal VON HINDENBURG. It is a curious commentary on the fickleness of the multitude that the KAISER isn't even mentioned as having taken a hand in the matter.

A branch of the Pan-German League has decided that Germany must not conclude peace until the whole of the British Empire is annexed by the KAISER. It is the sincere hope of the ALL-HIGHEST that the British Empire will understand that in this matter his hand has been forced.

Dealing with the United States Navy, an American journalist says that every recruit must learn to stand squarely on his own feet. The attention of Mr. CHARLES CHAPLIN has already been drawn to this passage.

Sir HERBERT TREE has arrived in England, and, according to The New York Telegraph, Mr. CHARLES CHAPLIN is now demanding a higher price for his work.

A strange case is reported from Northumberland, where a man who was taken ill last weak admitted that he had not been eating rhubarb tops.

With reference to the complaint of an allotment-holder that cats cause more damage than the pea weevil, a correspondent sends the following hint as to the treatment of cats on the allotment: "These should be sprayed with a good shot-gun and planted out in soft soil."

Leading provision-merchants state that there will soon be cheese-queues outside the grocers' shops. One enterprising firm of multiple shop grocers is said to have already engaged a troupe of performing cheeses to keep the customers amused during the long wait.

THE FATAL LURE.

New Combination Head-gear for Troops.

"Service dress caps in wear and those in stock will be used up and worn side by side with the soft caps."—Army Council Instruction No. 824.

"To a school in Battersea to-day the High Commissioner for New Zealand presented an Australian flag sent by the school-children of Dunedin."—Evening News.

The children of Dunedin seem to have accepted in a very excellent spirit the annexation of New Zealand by Australia, of which this is the first news to reach us.

"The Germans wore absolutely dismayed at the promptness of President Wilson's rupture of relations. Then followed an amazing attempt to brow-beat Mr. Gerard into singing a revised version of the Prusso-American Treaty of 1799."—Planters' and Commercial Gazette (Mauritius).

Happily Mr. GERARD refused to oblige.

"The annual report of the Kneckenmueller Lunatic Asylum at Stettin states that a number of lunatics have been called up for military service at the front, adding: 'The asylums are proud that their inmates are allowed to serve the Fatherland.' It appears, however, that the results are not always satisfactory."—The Times.

We have heard of no complaints on our side.

"Meat, particularly mutton, is (says 'The Times') likely to remain dead this week-end."—Lancashire Daily Post.

But if the hot weather continues—

LITTLE WILLIE'S OPINION OF FATHER.

["How long the conflict may last lies in God's hand; it is not our business to ask questions about it.... It is not the Prussian way to praise oneself.... It is now a matter of holding out, however long it lasts."—Extract from Speech by the KAISER, delivered near Arras.]