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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, June 13, 1917
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, June 13, 1917
Jigginstown she'd dhrop down dead wid the pleasure wid'in her, an' that's the thrue word," says he, presenting the chestnut lady with a grimy army biscuit. "Och musha, the poor foolish cratures," he says and sighs.
However, Summer has arrived, and by the sound of his cheery whistle at early stables shrilling "Flannigan's Wedding," I understand that the horses are settling down once more and we can proceed with the battle.
If my groom and countryman is not an advocate of war as a winter sport our Mr. MacTavish, on the other hand, is of the directly opposite opinion. "War," he murmured dreamily to me yesterday as we lay on our backs beneath a spreading parasol of apple-blossom and watched our troop-horses making pigs of themselves in the young clover—"war! don't mention the word to me. Maidenhead, Canader, cushions, cigarettes, only girl in the world doing all the heavy paddle-work—that's the game in the good ole summertime. Call round again about October and I'll attend to your old war." It is fortunate that these gentlemen do not adorn any higher positions than those of private soldier and second-lieutenant, else, between them, they would stop the War altogether and we should all be out of jobs.
Commercial Candour.
"—— & Co.
The Leading Jewellery House.
Grand Assortment of Cut Glass."
THE ROAD TO RUIN.
SIDELIGHTS ON THE GREAT FOOD PROBLEM.
The Society for the Discovery of New War Foods test their latest dish.
PICCADILLY.
Gay shops, stately palaces, bustle and breeze,
The whirring of wheels and the murmur of trees;
By night or by day, whether noisy or stilly,
Whatever my mood is—I love Piccadilly.
Thus carolled Fred Locker, just sixty years back,
In a year ('57) when the outlook was black,
And even to-day the war-weariest Willie
Recovers his spirits in dear Piccadilly.
We haven't the belles with their Gainsborough hats,
Or the Regency bucks with their wondrous cravats,
But now that the weather no longer is chilly;
There's much to enchant us in New Piccadilly.
As I sit in my club and partake of my "ration"
No longer I'm vexed by the follies of fashion;
The dandified Johnnies so precious and silly—
You seek them in vain in the New Piccadilly.
The men are alert and upstanding and fit,
They've most of them done or they're doing their bit;
With the eye of a hawk and the stride of a gillie
They add a new lustre to Old Piccadilly.
And the crippled but gay-hearted heroes in blue
Are a far finer product than wicked "old Q,"
Who ought to have lived in a prison on skilly
Instead of a palace in mid Piccadilly.
The women are splendid, so quiet and strong,
As with resolute purpose they hurry along—
Excepting the flappers, who chatter as shrilly
As parrots let loose to distract Piccadilly.
Thus I muse as I watch with a reverent eye
The New Generation sweep steadily by,
And judge him an ass or a born Silly Billy
Who'd barter the New for the Old Piccadilly.
A Clearance.
"Wanted.—Lady shortly leaving the Colony is desirous of recommending her baby and wash Amahs, also Houseboy."—South China Morning Post.
"Though the King's birthday was officially celebrated yesterday, there were no official celebrations."—Daily Express.
It seems to have been a case of unconscious celebration.
"We shall want a name for the American 'Tommies' when they come; but do not call them 'Yankees.' They none of them like it."—Daily News.
As a term of distinction and endearment Mr. Punch suggests "Sammies"—after their uncle.
The local Committee of the Soldiers' and Workmen's Delegates announces that it will take into its hands effective power at Cronstadt. and that it will not recognise the Provisional Government, and will remove all Government representatives.
This fateful decision was adopted by 21 votes to 40, with eight abstentions."—Provincial Paper.
The trouble in Russia just now is the tyranny of the minority.
A WORD OF ILL OMEN.
Crown Prince (to KAISER, drafting his next speech). "FOR GOTT'S SAKE, FATHER, BE CAREFUL THIS TIME, AND DON'T CALL THE AMERICAN ARMY 'CONTEMPTIBLE.'"
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Tuesday, June 5th.—In listless and dejected mood the House of Commons reassembled after its all-too-brief recess. Members collectively missed their Mark, for Colonel Lockwood, the only popular Food Controller in history, had been summoned upstairs and left the Kitchen Committee to its fate. The shower of Privy Councillorships, baronetcies and knighthoods which had simultaneously descended upon the faithful Commons afforded little compensation for this irreparable loss; and even the sight of the Attorney-General's immaculate spats appearing over the edge of the Table was insufficient to dispel the prevailing gloom.
Colonel Lockwood's Farewell to the Kitchen on his elevation to the Upper House.
Mr. Pemberton-Billing made a gallant effort to galvanize his colleagues into life. Remembering that it was an air-raid that got him into the House—some people will never forgive the Germans for this—he seldom allows a similar incident to pass without endeavouring to improve the occasion. As his policy of "two bombs to one" failed to intrigue Mr. Bonar Law he sought to move the adjournment, but when the Question was put only five Members, instead of the necessary forty, rose in its support.
If Sir H. Dalziel