Tuesday, May 3. 1720.

I find by a long Conversation with the World, and from Remarks I have made on different Times and Sexes, that there is a Desire, or rather an Ambition, implanted in all humane Creatures of being thought agreeable; but 'tis no unpleasant Study to observe what different Methods are taken of obtaining this one universal End. The Ladies seem to have laid it up as a Maxim on their Side, that their Beauty is to be the greatest Merit; for which Reason no Art, or Industry, is wanting to cultivate that Jewel; and there is so great an Adoration paid to it by all Mankind, that 'tis no Wonder they should neglect the Qualifications of the Mind, Things merely speculative, for those Graces and Ornaments which command Respect, and whose Dominion is owned as soon as seen. Upon the Foot of this Observation, some of our Sex, who are of the Order of the Beau Garcons, being equal to the Ladies in their Understandings, employ all their Care and Capacity in decorating the Outside; and have a Notion that he's the most ingenious Man, who makes the cleanest Figure, and is best dress'd for the Assembly or Drawing-Room. Among these pretty Triflers, a good Embroidery on their Clothes, or a Sword Knot of a new Invention, raises more Emulation than a Piece of new Wit does among the bad Poets; in their View of Things, a Man of Sense is a very insignificant Creature; and if, with the Eclat of their Dress, or Equipage, they can draw the Eyes of the Vulgar, they are in That arrived at the Top of their Glory; since all they wish for is to be taken Notice of.

There is another Order of fine Gentlemen among Us, who study other Accomplishments than That of Dress, by which they labour to recommend themselves to Company. The prevailing Artifice of their Conduct is, in every Stage of Action, to appear Great, and insinuate themselves to be thought the Favourites only of the Great. These nice Oeconomists, being equipped with one Thread-bare Suit, a German Wig, guilty of few or no Curls, and happy in a single Change of Linnen, seem to despise all superfluous Ornaments of Garniture, and have no Time on their Hands, but what is spent in devising how to get rid, as they would have you suppose, of a Multitude of Engagements. There is a certain veteran Beau of my Acquaintance, who is highly caressed upon the Credit of his Intimacy with Persons of Quality whom he never spoke to; he has a Knot of vain young Fellows attendant upon him, whom he is to introduce into great Company; and he has dropt some Hints, as if he would use his Interest to recommend some of them to Employments at Court. These are, for the most part, young Men stept into suddain great Fortunes, whose Rank and Conversation being at a such a Distance from Title, they fancy that Men of Quality are not made of the same Materials with other Men. This industrious merry old Gentleman has a peculiar Happiness in telling, and making, a Story; and, in the winding up or Catastrophe of it, never fails to surprize and please you, therefore he diverts, as well as amuses his Company. It is to these Talents that he chiefly owes his Subsistance, for he is very little beholding to Fortune, or his Family. I am pleased to hear him relate the Adventures, that his very good Friend King Charles the Second and He have met with together; the Sword he wears (which, it must be confessed, looks something antique) was given to him on the Day of the Battle at Worcester by that Monarch. This Weapon being reverenced by the Youths his Followers, one of them sollicited hard to purchase it. For ten Guineas, and to oblige a Friend, our Humorist was prevailed upon to part with it. Next Day he purchas'd exactly such another Peice of Antiquity for Eighteen Pence in Monmouth Street, and has been so obliging, from Time to Time, to sell at least ten of these Weapons to young Fellows well affected to the Royal Family, and all presented to him by the same Monarch with whom he was so conversant. The Furniture of his Apartment is not very costly, as may be judged by his Circumstances; a Gentleman visiting him one Morning, sat down upon a Stool, which being decrepit and crazy, he was apprehensive of a Fall; and therefore throwing it aside with so much Negligence that its whole Frame had like to have been dissolved, the old Gentleman begged him to use it with more Respect, for he valued it above all he was worth beside, it being made out of a Piece of the Royal Oak. His Visitant, who was a Man of Fortune, immediately had a Desire to be in Possession of such a Treasure: Over a Bottle he let him know his Inclination, and the good-natur'd old Gentleman, who could refuse nothing to so dear a Friend, was prevailed upon to accept of a Gold Watch in Exchange for his Stool. It was immediately sent down to the Mansion-house in the Country, where it is to be seen finely incased, and is shewn to all Strangers as the most valuable Rarity of the Family. Tom Varnish, who is a Pupil of our old Humourists, is a good Proficient in his Way of Conversation: Whenever you see him, he's just come from visiting some great Person of Quality. If a Game at Hombre be proposed, and you are settling your Way of Play, he says, We never play it so at the Dutchess's. If you ask him to take a Glass of Wine at a Tavern with you, he is always engaged in a Parti quarre; and then he speaks all the French he is Master of. If he has an Amour, it is with a Woman of Quality. He sits in the Side Box the first Act of the Play, and stays no longer, for some Reasons best known to himself. It happened once, that a Person sat next to him, who, by his Star and Garter, he knew to be of the first Rank: Tom, seeing some of his Acquaintance in the middle Gallery, thought it would be for his Reputation to be seen to talk with this Gentleman; therefore, observing when the Eyes of his Acquaintance were upon him, he drew his Lips near my Lord's Ear, and asked him what a Clock it was; my Lord answered him; then Tom look'd up again, and smiled; and when he talked with his Friends next, told them, that his Lordship had informed him of some Changes designed at Court, not yet made publick; and therefore they must pardon him if he did not communicate. He did not come off so well upon another Occasion; for having boasted of a great Intimacy with a certain Foreign Minister, Tom was asked by some Gentlemen to go one Evening to his Assembly: He willingly accepted the Party, thinking by their Means to get Admittance: They, on the contrary, expected to be introduced by him; when they came into his Excellency's House, the Porter, who had dress'd himself in his great Coat, which was richly laced, and having a good Wig, well powder'd, was coming down to take his Post; Tom seeing the Richness of the Habit, fancied it was a Robe worn by Foreigners, mistook the Porter for the Embassador, and, making several low Bows, began to address him with, May it please your Excellency. The Fellow answered, Sir, if you'd speak with my Lord, I'll call one of his Gentlemen to you; this raised a Laugh against him by his Companions, and Tom walked off defeated in his Vanity, tho' he would fain have laid the Mistake on a sudden Absence of Thought, and asserted, that he had frequently conversed with the Ambassador.

My old Friend, the Humourist, who is liberal of Talk in his Wine, I must confess, sometimes lets his Vain-Glory bring his Discourse under some Suspitions; especially, when upon the Strain of his Intimacy with King Charles. He tells how that Prince, seeing him one Morning in the Park, obliged him to take a Breakfast with him at Whitehall: As soon as they were got into the Lodgings, the King called for Kate, meaning the Queen, made her salute his Friend, and asked her how she could entertain them. The Queen, he says, seeing a Stranger, made some little Hesitations: But at last, My Dear, says she,