PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 158.

January 21st, 1920.

CHARIVARIA.

We understand that the Frenchman who lost his temper so completely during a duel with pistols that he threatened to shoot his opponent will be suspended from taking part in similar encounters for the next six months.

A man who had half a ton of coal delivered to him without warning has been removed to an asylum, where he is being treated for coal-shock.

Wrexham Education Committee has decided not to have Welsh taught in the elementary schools. Doubts have recently arisen, it appears, as to whether it will ever be the chosen medium of communication in the League of Nations.

"There is a movement on foot," says The Daily Mail, "to brighten the dress of boys." Smith Tertius writes to say that, according to the best opinion in his set, the waist should be worn fuller and less attention paid to the "sit" of the shirt.

A man recently arrested in Dublin was found to have in his possession a loaded revolver, three sticks of gelignite, four lengths of fuse, a number of detonators and a jemmy. It is thought that he may have been dabbling in politics.

"Demobilised men are doing such execution at the London World's Fair Shooting Galleries," says a news item, "that the supply of bottles is running short." Nothing, however, can be done about it till the Prime Minister returns from Paris.

"There is a proper time for the last meal of the day," says a medical writer. We have always been of the opinion that supper should not be taken between meals.

After addressing a meeting for two hours, says a contemporary, Trotsky fainted. A more humane man would have fainted first.

We feel very jealous of the suburban gentleman who wrote last week asking what an O.B.E. was, and whether, if it was a bird, it should be fed on hemp-seed or ants' eggs.

With reference to the wooden house which fell down last week, the builder is of the opinion that a sparrow must have accidentally stepped on it.

Lord Birkenhead describes the Coalition as an "invertebrate and undefined body." Meaning that they have rather more wishbone than backbone.

An Indian native was recently sentenced to write a poem. In other countries of course you commit a poem first and are sentenced afterwards.

Mr. F.H. Rose, M.P., writing in The Sunday Pictorial, refers to the Ministry of Munitions as "a veritable monument of superfluous futility." For ourselves we don't mind futility so long as it isn't superfluous.

Will the lady who, during the Winter Sales' scramble, inadvertently went off with two husbands please return the other one to his rightful owner?

Mr. J.H. Symons, the Weymouth draper novelist, has told a Star reporter that he only writes novels for a hobby. This sets him apart from the many who do it with malicious intent.

A referee has lodged a complaint against the Football Club on whose ground he was assaulted by several spectators who disagreed with his decisions. Although sympathising with him we fear his attempt to rob our national game of its most sporting element will not meet with general approval.

It is generally expected that, owing to the number of deaths from whisky poisoning which have occurred of late, America may decide to go dry again.

It is reported on good authority that Mr. C.B. Cochran will visit America daily until the signature of Dempsey's manager is obtained.

Lenin, says a contemporary, has completed his plans for the overthrow of civilisation. It seems that all our efforts to conceal from him its presence in our midst are doomed to failure.

"A search for combined beauty and brains," says The Daily Mail, "has been instituted by The Weekly Dispatch." We gather, however, that a good circulation will also be taken into consideration.

According to the Technical Secretary of the Civil Aviation Committee a vehicle has been designed which is equally at home in the air, on land, on the water and under it. It is said to be distinguishable from Mr. Winston Churchill only by the latter's eloquence.

We understand that certain members of the betting classes have demanded that the starting price for coal should be published each day in the early evening papers.

Scene.—Miles from anywhere.

Tammas. "Could ye oblige me wi' a match, Sir?"

Stranger. "I'm afraid I've only got one."

Tammas. "Ay—she'll do."

A Triumph of Realism.

From a publisher's advertisement:—

"'Falling Waters.' 'Not a dry page in it.'"

The New Polygamy.

"The bride... carried a handsome bouquet of harem lilies."—Local Paper.

THE BENEFITS OF PEACE

(as they appear to be viewed by certain unofficial guardians of public morality).