bimeby Uncle Pete he got up from his front corner seat and turned round toward th' people and hollered, 'I'll give another hunderd dollars t' th' Lord, and yuh all know I kin pay it!' he says.

"Turn over."

"That's Uncle Jerry Sparks, ma's brother. He was a lieutenant of artil'ry. Pa says ef he was a rebel and seen Uncle Jerry comin' weth that 'spression onto his mug he wouldn't only hit th' high places."

"That's Evans Billhorn, a cousin of ma's by his first wife. He ust t' keep a butcher shop down t' Peory and he was so strong he could throw down a steer. Onct pa made a mistake talkin' t' Evans. Evans was a-braggin' 'bout how he could rassle, and pa ups and says, 'Huh! you couldn't throw nothin' but a fit,' he says. Say! it never took less 'n two doctors t' fix all th' things about pa that was broke."

"Still, Evans is most awful clumsy, too. One time when he was t' our house he knocked off a real cluny vase of ma's and broke it and his wife says, 'Evans Billhorn, th' next time I take you anywheres I'll crate yuh!' she says. Pa kep' a piece of that vase fer a long time. 'Pore feller suff'rer,' he called it.

"Turn over."

"That's Perfessor Tweedie. He teaches penmanship and he knows Shakespeare better 'n, old Mahomet knowed th' Koran, pa says. Ain't he a hairy feller, though? Onct him 'n Frank Mendenhall was a-doin' Brutus and Cassius wrapped up in sheets in Liberty Hall and when Prof says, 'Here is muh dagger and here muh naked breast,' pa hollers out, 'Git a shave, Prof!' Well, sir, it purty nigh busted up th' show."

"That's Cousin Flora Burgstresser. She's th' belle of Beardstown. Her hair's so long she kin set on it. Onct a hair tonic company offered her a pile of money—most a hunderd dollars—fer her pitchure fer their adver-tise-ment, but she wouldn't.

"Them society ladies don't like notority."

"That's Winfield Scott Zachary Taylor Peebles, ma's cousin. He was named fer two heroes of th' rev-lutionary war, I think it was; anyway, he could allus think of th' noblest things t' say! Onct when he was in th' war an officer died and they put Cousin Win in his place, so that's how he got t' be a corporal. First thing he says was, after th' president or whoever it was give him th' place, 'Boys,' he says, 'if I fall in this day's battle, march over muh dead corpse as you would that of a common private!' he says.

"Turn over."

"Uncle Adoniram Burgstresser, ma's uncle. He was a farmer and hardshell preacher. Onct when ma says, 'Uncle Ad was a power!' pa says, 'Git out! You