The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Noble Lord, by Percival Wilde

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Title: The Noble Lord A Comedy in One Act

Author: Percival Wilde

Release Date: November 23, 2006 [EBook #19904]

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NOBLE LORD ***

Produced by William Coon

THE NOBLE LORD
A Comedy In One Act

By
PERCIVAL WILDE

The Noble Lord

CHARACTERS HE. SHE. PETERS.

THE NOBLE LORD

A secluded spot in the Maine woods in the neighborhood of a summer hotel. It is the middle of July. The trees are covered with foliage, a hot sun casts dancing shadows upon the mossy ground, and the air is full of the twittering of birds and the rustle of leaves. A winding path crosses from one side to the other, and near the center is a little clearing: the stump of a felled tree, with the lichen-covered trunk itself near it, and a patch of grassy turf. The eye cannot penetrate far through the riotously growing underbrush, but as one looks upwards, to the left, a thinning of foliage, allowing a glimpse of the sky, gives evidence of the near proximity of some small body of water.

As the curtain rises the scene is empty. There is only the song of birds, and the whisper of a gentle breeze. For a few seconds nothing else is heard. Then, suddenly, not far away, there is the sound of a splash, followed by the scream of a drowning woman, "Help! Help! Help!" There is a tremendous crashing through the underbrush, and another voice, very masculine, very English, shouts, "Where are you? Where are you?" Rather indefinitely the first speaker answers, "Here! Help! Help!" Another crashing through the underbrush, followed by a second splash, and presently, after a short pause, there enters upon the stage a tall, much bedraggled Englishman, bearing in his arms the motionless body of an extremely good-looking girl. Both of them are very wet, and a trail of water marks their progress across the scene. Reaching the clearing, the Englishman methodically deposits the girl on the ground, backs away a foot or so, and notices that his hands are wet. He reaches into a hip pocket and draws forth a handkerchief: the handkerchief is wetter than his hands. With a gesture of vexation he throws it away, and gives his attention to the girl. He looks at her quizzically; then, rather timidly, he kneels at her side, and lays his ear over her heart. He rises promptly with a satisfied nod, carefully removes his dripping coat, folds it neatly, and places it on the log. Again he kneels, this time with his knees on either side of the girl's head, and laboriously begins to apply the Sylvester method, counting audibly as he does so. At "ten" he stops wearily, pauses, and again applies his ear to her heart. The result is evidently pleasing, and after a few more Sylvester movements, he begins to vary the procedure by removing her shoes and alternately chafing her hands and feet. Presently she sighs deeply. For the third time he pauses to listen to her heart. Slowly and deliberately her left arm rises, to encircle his neck in a confiding clasp. He sits back on his haunches, politely surprised.

SHE. (Faintly) Mother! Mother, dear!

HE. Eh?

SHE. Mother, dear, I'm so glad——

HE. (Interrupting energetically) Really, I beg your pardon.

SHE. (Continuing without a break) I'm so glad you've come.

HE. Ah, yes. . . . Quite so.

SHE. Kiss me, mother.

HE. (Trying to rise) Eh?

(She does not release him.)

SHE. Kiss me, mother.

HE. But I'm not your mother.

SHE. (Plaintively) Won't you kiss me, mother?

HE. (Looks around furtively. Then he obliges her.)

SHE. Ah! That's so nice. (She pauses. Shudders.) Hold me close, mother, hold me close. I've had such a terrible dream!

HE. Good Heavens! You're not dreaming now. . . .

SHE. I dreamt—I dreamt— (He has raised her to a sitting position. She stops abruptly. Looks about.) Where—where am I?

HE. (Surprised) Don't you know?

SHE. No.

HE. (In a matter-of-fact tone) We are about half a mile away from the Poland Springs Hotel, Poland Springs, Maine.

SHE. (Vaguely) Oh! (She pauses.) And you, how do you come here?

HE. Strolling.

SHE. Strolling?

HE. I reached the hotel this morning. It was hot—beastly hot. I went for a walk in the woods.

SHE. And then?

HE. I beg your pardon?

SHE. What happened then? How did we meet?

HE. Don't you know?

SHE. I remember nothing—I'm confused. (She tries to get up, but sits on the log with a little exclamation.) My shoes—where are my shoes?

HE. (Fetching them) Here they are.

SHE. Thank you. . . . (She looks at them.) Those aren't my shoes!

HE. (Politely) No?

SHE. They're wet.

HE. (Nodding) They would be.

SHE. But they're not mine.

HE. (Shrugging his shoulders) I found them on your feet.

SHE. (Confused) On my feet?

HE. Yes. . . . (An afterthought) One on each.

SHE. Oh! . . . (She tries to put them on.) I can't get them on.

HE. No?

SHE. Will you help me? (He assists her; she feels her clothes and exclaims): Oh!

HE. Did I hurt you?

SHE. (Astonished) My clothes are wet!

HE. (Thoughtfully) Yes.

SHE. How funny! (Noticing him.) And you—you're wet also!

HE. (Nodding) Soaked.

SHE. What a coincidence! How curious! How did it happen? (She pauses.) Oh, if I could only think! Think! (He rises, and waits politely.) Tell me: you must know.

HE. Well, I was strolling through the woods. I heard a splash

SHE. (Interrupting) A splash! Oh, don't say any more: I remember! That horrible lake! Horrible! It was so warm at the hotel: I had gone off to the woods. I was sitting at the edge of the lake—on a rock—reading. I must have been sleepy. I fell in.

HE. Then you screamed.

SHE. Yes: I was drowning! Drowning! I called for help!

HE. I heard you.

SHE. I sank—I sank, oh, miles and miles! It felt as if hands were trying to pull me down to the bottom! I screamed again—and then—then—I felt a strong arm around my waist—I was dizzy— there was a roaring in my ears—I knew no more.

HE. (Sympathetically) Too bad, too bad.

SHE. And you—(rising to her feet enthusiastically)—you were the man who jumped in!

HE. (Apologetically) I was passing by.

SHE. You saved my