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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, April 1, 1893
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, April 1, 1893
class="i2">Of this, the latest project of your ever-busy band;
Each journalist, apparently, must pass examination,
Lest any deal with matters which he does not understand.
You're horrified to notice at performances dramatic
A row of so-called critics, knowing nothing of the play;
You mean to make essential an acquaintance with the Attic,
In all allowed to comment on the drama of to-day.
With ample stock of history and other knowledge, clearly,
The man who writes on politics must show himself supplied,
The taste of all reviewers will be criticised severely,
The Sporting Sage must qualify in papers on Ruff's Guide.
No doubt your plan is laudable, but then we find it printed
That novelists to manage all the scheme will be allowed,
And since they love reviewers not, it may, perhaps, be hinted,
That every man alive of us is certain to be ploughed!
Moreover, on reflection, quite excusably one fancies
That, if so great advantage in the system you discern,
Its use should be extended to the weavers of romances,
And you and other novelists should suffer in your turn!
And so, if we may venture on a practical suggestion,
Assuming that your postulate's indubitably true,
And all should be examined—there must yet remain the question,
Custodes quis custodiet?—For who'll examine you?
Wines or Mines?—Mrs. R. has on several occasions heard gentlemen talking of "passing the Rubicon," and she wants to know whether this is a Bill in Parliament about the Ruby Mines, or whether it is a modern expression for what was many years ago, as she was informed by her grandfather, a slang after-dinner phrase—"Pass the Ruby," i.e., the wine?
HOLIDAY TASKS FOR THE RECESS.
The Pr-m-r. To rest and sample (under the personal supervision of Mrs. G.) Home Rule.
The Marquis of S-l-sb-ry. To forget the speeches he had prepared for Loyal Ulster.
Sir W-ll-m H-rc-rt. To practise Local Option in the New Forest.
Lord R-s-b-ry. To make up his mind about Uganda.
Lord R-nd-lph Ch-rch-ll. To follow where he once led.
Mr. Arth-r B-lf-r. To lead where he once followed.
The Duke of D-v-nsh-re. To acquire a taste for "another place."
Sir A-g-st-s Dr-l-n-s. To grapple with the Opera difficulty.
Mr. H-nry Irv-ng. To run along with Becket.
Miss Ell-n T-rry. To continue the same movement.
Mr. J. L. T-le. To prepare to take Walker—London to "Castle, Windsor."
Legal Query Answered Satisfactorily.—In an Article on the Lecture on Cross-examination by Mr. Frank Lockwood, Q.C., a D. T. Leader reminded its readers of the scene in The Village Lawyer, where Defendant is instructed by his Counsel to answer every question by simply saying, in an imbecile manner, "Ba-a-a!" Subsequently, on aforesaid Counsel asking for his fee, his client replied, "Ba-a-a!" "What," asks the D. T., "would Mr. Frank Lockwood, Q.C., M.P., do with such a witness in cross-examination?" Why, 'tis evident that such a case would not arise, as professional etiquette would prevent one Barrister from taking a fee from a brother Barrister, that is as long as the latter stuck to the Ba-a-a!
Very Appropriate.—At Drury Lane, on Easter Monday, will appear The Bohemian Girl, followed by the rivals in Rustic Chivalry. Very flattering to the dear old Bohemian Girl.
Treacherous Weather.—Lord Salisbury has had a bad cold. He has been recommended, however, not to put on, but to put off, his Ulster.
End of the Cotton Strike.—General rejoicings! All join in a reel!
BEHIND THE SCENES.
Acting Manager H-rc-rt. "WELL, SIR, I THINK WE MAY SAY THAT,—IN SPITE OF THE ORGANISED OPPOSITION IN THE HOUSE,—THE FIRST ACT HAS REALLY GONE VERY WELL!"
Mr. G. (Author and Manager). "H'M!—BUT THE RISKY SITUATION COMES IN THE NEXT ACT!"
TO MOLLY—AN APRIL FOOL.
By a Bachelor-in-Love (with Himself.)
You never, Molly, plucked the chances
Last Leap Year brought of wedded rapture,
(Since Flattery wins, where Beauty's glances
Have failed to perpetrate a capture)?
You never wrote to crave my fortune
That February! Bashful, may be,
Or over-fearful to importune
A parti so renowned, you gaby!
Imprudent damsel, to let slip
So much insouciance and money!
I bear no malice now, and dip
This goosequill not in gall, but honey,
I supplicate thee to be mine,
Bewitching Fair, thy lode-star mocking:
To sweetest vengeance I incline.
(Great Scott! the sacrifice is shocking!)
With you to share a gem unique,
My best possession, foolish Molly,
This is the penalty I seek,
Dear fool of Spring, dear spring of Folly!
Yet, ere I give myself away,
And abdicate on foolscap flimsy,
Let me implore you, mark the day—
Time-honoured feast of prank and whimsy.
Of my pet self, I offer half—
To gain it myriads have endeavoured,
So take it, take my photograph
Inclosed, and most adroitly severed.
THE TELEPHONIC LOVE-SONG.
["Lovemaking by telephone has now become quite common."—Daily Paper.]
Love, are you there? Most patiently I've waited
To hear the answering tinkle on my bell;
Have then the central offices belated
Not switched me on as yet to thy hotel?
Or is—oh, bitter thought!—a rival hated
Addressing thee by telephone as well?
Love, are you there? Distracted I repine;
Oh, hear thy humble four-nought-seven-nine!
Never three-five-nine-six have I addressed,
The number registered for Mrs. Jones,
Nor for six-eight-two-one the button pressed
To woo Miss Brown in telephonic tones;
So grant, I pray, my moderate request,
Nor keep me