قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, April 8, 1914

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, April 8, 1914

Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, April 8, 1914

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دار النشر: Project Gutenberg
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sort of right over you except that he has employment to offer and you want it badly.

Therefore converse with him as if he were an equal, though possibly he may be your inferior.

He may not answer your kind enquiries, but look you up and down from the welt of your boot to your scarf-pin. All employers have learnt this method of scrutiny. They have learnt it from their wives.

Should he examine you in this manner, smile agreeably and walk a few yards to display your profile. Then change the angle and afford him a back view. Say easily, "This collar fits neatly, does it not?" or something like that.

Turning, you can show yourself pleased with his own style of dress.

"Excuse my mentioning it," you remark, "but your taste in neck-gear is exquisite. I have similar ties myself."

This will flatter him, and those men are very susceptible to flattery. Also he will be led to speculate favourably upon the stylishness and extent of your wardrobe.

After this interval of mutual admiration you draw a chair to the centre of the room and say, "I believe you have a vacancy in the office? What is it you want me to be? I presume you think of still managing the business yourself? I will gladly listen to your terms and we will discuss my prospects."

It is now his move. Lean back in your chair and light a cigarette, regarding him with a reassuring smile.

You will find that he will have listened to you attentively, looking hard at your face. As you finish he will push his chair back, rise and strut across the room.

Now is your chance to decide your fate one way or the other.

When he has gone a few steps produce your watch and exclaim in a mildly vexed tone, "How annoying! I had almost forgotten. I have another appointment at eleven. In the short time remaining at our disposal it is impossible to deal adequately with any offer you may make. May I propose an adjournment?"

The suggestion of independence thus delicately conveyed will usually have the desired effect and result in an immediate engagement.

Should the employer fail to be impressed he simply pushes the bell and you are shown off the premises with great promptitude.


"Wanted, strong Willing Girl, age 18, to wait on trained nurses and assist third housemaid upstairs."

Advt. in "Morning Post."

We should give the third housemaid one more chance and then, if she still can't get upstairs without assistance, dismiss her.


IN A GOOD CAUSE.

IN A GOOD CAUSE.

To Every Reader of "Punch".

Dear Reader,—H.R.H. Prince Arthur of Connaught has consented to take the chair at the Centenary dinner of the Artists' General Benevolent Institution on May 6th. This Institution devotes itself to the help of artists who are in need through poverty, sickness or other ill-chance. As a lover of Art—and, of men—I am in close sympathy with this good work, and am to be represented at the dinner in the person of my Art Editor, Mr. F.H. townsend, who will act as one of the Stewards. I am appealing to my readers of their kindness to send something to swell his list, and so to help in making this Centenary a memorable year in the history of the Artists' General Benevolent Institution. Contributions addressed to Mr. F.H. Townsend, "Punch" Office, 10, Bouverie Street, E.C., will be very gratefully acknowledged.

Your faithful Servant,
Punch.


Unrest in India.

"The handwriting appeared to be that of a young school student and the word 'Prosecutor' had been spelt 'Prosecutor.' The matter is under enquiry."

"Statesman" (Calcutta).

It is our earnest hope that this grave business will be sifted to the bottom.


AN EASTER EGG.

AN EASTER EGG.

The Grey Fowl. "A LITTLE SUGGESTION THAT I HAVE LAID ON THE TABLE—SO TO SPEAK."



Servant (rebuked for bringing in a dirty cup)

Servant (rebuked for bringing in a dirty cup). "Funny thing, Mum, I always seem to hit upon this one when you have company."


THE MANLY PART.

(Reflections at the moment of "Moving in.")

The house has burst a-bloom like Ceres' daughter;
The painters bicker and the plumbers flee;
The H. tap in the bathroom gives cold water
Endlessly, like the C.
All arts are being used to gild the tarnished,
And exorcise old ghosts and spirits fled,
And treacherous quags abound where boards are varnished
And no man's boot may tread.
And none can tell me where my spats were taken,
And decorators' coats adorn the pegs,
And savour of new paint surrounds the bacon,
New paint is in the eggs.
And huge men meet me and remark, "This dresser,
Where shall we put it?" And of course I say,
"Up in the bedroom;" and they answer, "Yessir,"
But Marion bids them stay.
All right—I'll sit (the sole place where one can sit)
And gaze upon these walls with wild surmise,
And muse on all the things we've lost in transit,
The socks, the gloves, the ties.
Here, where in time to come the firebeams ruddy,
Falling on cosy chairs and bookshelves straight,
Shall show to me my own familiar study,
And Maud shall do the grate,
Here in this narrow carpet's sacred border,
Girt by the wet distemper's weltering foam,
I'll do my bit to set the house in order
And make it seem like home.
Mere hackwork, doubtless, is the stuff for women,
But mine to dissipate the dark has-been,
Mine to remove what shades are clustered dim in
Corners and coigns unseen;
To start the holiest rite of installation,

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