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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, February 25, 1914
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, February 25, 1914
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 146.
FEBRUARY 25, 1914.
CLOSE OF THE COURSING SEASON.
CHARIVARIA.
The German Crown Prince has the mumps. It seems that his Imperial Father was not consulted in the matter beforehand, and further domestic differences are anticipated.
King Sisovath of Cambodia, we learn from Le Petit Journal, was so pleased with a white elephant sent him by the Governor-General of French Indo-China that he has raised the animal—a fine female—to the dignity of a Princess. The news soon got about, and considerable jealousy is felt at our Zoo, where there is not so much as even a baronet among the inmates.
General von Plettenburgh, commanding the Prussian Guards Corps, has issued a decree against the wearing of the so-called "tooth-brush" moustache, pointing out that such an appendage is unsuitable for a Prussian soldier and "not consonant with the German national character." The implication is very unpleasant.
"It is generally reported," says a contemporary, "that Sir Edward Grey speaks no German, and French very badly. M. Venizelos, the Greek Prime Minister, declared that he had the greatest difficulty in understanding Sir Edward's French." As a matter of fact a little bird tells us that on this occasion our Foreign Secretary was speaking Greek.
"Mr. Asquith," said The Times, "in a massage to the Liberal candidate for South Bucks, emphasizes the prime importance of the Irish issue." There is, of course, nothing like massage for rubbing things in.
Herr Ballin, head of the Hamburg-American Line, and Herr Heineken, head of the rival North-German Lloyd Company, came to London last week, and are said to have concluded peace in the Atlantic rate war. We understand that the arrangement is to be known as the Pool of London.
The authorities at Barotse, The Globe tells us, have put a price on the heads of all lions there. One can picture the mean sportsman, with a pair of field-glasses, picking out the cheapest before firing.
"61,000 Territorials Short."
Daily Mail.
Still, it is pretty generally recognised now that a small man may make every bit as good a soldier as a big one, and, besides, there is always less of him to hit.
Among the temporary teachers appointed to carry on schools in Herefordshire during the teachers' strike was an asylum attendant. This confirms the report that many of the children were mad at finding that the schools did not close in consequence of the strike.
It is denied that the name of the Philharmonic Hall, where Mr. Ponting's moving pictures of the Antarctic Expedition are being shown, is to be changed to the Philmharmonic Hall.
Richard Strauss's new work, dealing with the story, of Joseph and Potiphar's wife, is to be produced shortly in Paris. A musical play version of it, entitled "After the Man," may be looked for here.
From Rome comes the news that a young man who was being examined in a hospital there has been found to have two separate stomachs. This announcement that the ideal man has at last been evolved has caused the greatest excitement here in Corporation circles.
"LYCEUM CLUB.
100 years of peace."Daily Telegraph.
Surely a record for a lady's club?
"Change of Name.
from
Jacob Galba Iwushuku-Bright
to
Galba Iwuchuku Olukotun."Sierra Leone Weekly News.
We notice no improvement.
Commercial Candour.
Notice in a shop window at Reading:
"Try ——'s Sausages: none like 'em."
CIVIL WAR ESTIMATES.
(A Ministerial Apology.)
Your talk is vanity, you who lightly vouch
That we, indifferent to the country's call, shun
A crisis under which the People crouch
Like Damocles beneath the pendent falchion;
That from our minds, incredibly deluded,
Ulster is still excluded.
It is not so. All day (between our meals)
We find this topic really most attractive;
In watches of the night it often steals
Into our waking dreams, and keeps us active,
Like sportsmen whom the rude mosquito chases,
Trying to save our faces.
But we have other tasks, and "Duty First"
Must be our cry before we yield to Pleasure;
Our Annual Estimates must be rehearsed
Ere more alluring themes engage our leisure;
The Budget's claims are urgent; Ulster's fate
Can obviously wait.
Besides, no Government should go to war
Without the wherewithal to pay for forage,
For ammunition and a Flying Corps
And cannéd meats to stimulate the courage;
And this applies, as far as we can tell,
To civil wars as well.
For, though our foes confine us to a sphere
Of relatively narrow operations,
We are advised that they may cost us dear,
And therefore, in our coming calculations,
As Trustees of the Race we dare not miss
To estimate for this.
Hence these delays—all carefully thought out.
But when from hibernation we emerge on
The vernal prime and things begin to sprout,
Our Ulster policy shall also burgeon;
With sap of April coursing through our blood
We too shall burst in bud.
O. S.
THE GREAT RESIGNER.
(A Forecast.)
March, 1914.
Mr. William O'Brien describes Mr. John Redmond as "brother to the middle-aged sea-serpent from the County Clare."
Mr. John Redmond denies that he is a sea-serpent.
Mr. William O'Brien, having denounced this denial as "the last effort of a defeated dastard," resigns his seat for Cork City.
Mr. O'Brien is re-elected without a contest.
April, 1914.
Mr. William O'Brien in an impassioned speech advocates conciliation all round in Ireland, and refers to Mr. John Redmond as "a moth-eaten, moss-gathering malingerer of unparalleled ferocity."
Mr.