couples paired off, of course, in a manner calculated to give satisfaction to their friends and relations. This was the entire plot. There was now and again some attempts to turn amateur theatricals into feeble ridicule by the introduction of a party of village histrions, who were allowed to "clown" to their heart's content; and voilà tout!

The mounting is excellent. Nothing better than "a Wood near Athens," painted by Mr. Hemsley, has been seen since Professor Herkomer startled the world with his representation of village life at Bushey. The music, too (chiefly from the works of Mendelssohn), is always charming, and frequently appropriate. Moreover, Mr. Benson, no doubt feeling that his author required every possible support, has introduced a number of pretty dances, executed by comely maidens of ages varying from seven to (say) seven-and-twenty.

Of course, such a play required very ordinary acting. Mr. Benson was, on the whole, a gentlemanly Lysander, Mr. Otho Stuart a dignified Oberon, and Mr. Stephen Phillips quite the best of the village histrions. Miss Grace Geraldine was also fanciful in the rôle of a sort of gnome. But, allowing for the music, and the scenery, and the acting, the piece itself was unquestionably dull. And now, having given you my unbiassed opinion, I beg to sign myself, Your Unprejudiced Contributor.

P.S.—I am told that the author of A Midsummer's Dream wrote a number of other plays of considerable merit. This I challenge, the more especially as those who swear by Mr. William Shakspeare candidly admit that his name is a deterrent rather than an attraction on a play-bill.

1890 Almanack for Funny Dogs.—Evidently "Whitty Curs' Almanack."

MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC-HALL DRAMAS.

No. II.—JOE, THE JAM-EATER.

A Musical Spectacular and Sensational Interlude. (Dedicated respectfully to Mr. McDougall and the L. C. C.)

The Music-hall Dramatist, like Shakspeare, has a right to take his material from any source that may seem good to him. Mr. Punch, therefore, makes no secret of the fact, that he has based the following piece upon the well-known poem of "The Purloiner," by the Sisters Jane and Ann Taylor, who were not, as might be too hastily concluded, "Song and Dance Duettists," but two estimable ladies, who composed "cautionary" verses for the young, and whose works are a perfect mine of wealth for Moral Dramatists. In this dramatic version the Author has tried to infuse something of the old Greek sense of an overruling destiny, without detriment to prevailing ideas of moral responsibility. Those who have the misfortune to be born with a propensity for illicit jam, may learn from our Drama the terrible results of failing to overcome it early in life.

Dramatis Personæ

Jam-loving Joe. By that renowned Melodramatic Serio-Comic, Miss Connie Curdler.

Joe's Mother (the very part for Mrs. Bancroft if she can only be induced to make her re-appearance).

John, a Gardener. By the great Pink-eyed Unmusical Zulu.

Jim-Jam, the Fermentation Fiend. By Mr. Beerbohm Tree (who has kindly consented to undertake the part).

Chorus of Plum and Pear Gatherers, from the Savoy (by kind permission of Mr. D'Oyly Carte).

Scene.—The Store-room at sunset, with view of exterior of Jam Cupboard, and orchard in distance.

Enter Joe.

"As Joe was at play, Near the cupboard one day, When he thought no one saw him but himself."—Vide Poem.

Joe (dreamily). 'Tis passing strange that I so partial am
To playing in the neighbourhood of Jam!

[Here Miss Curdler will introduce her great humorous Satirical Medley, illustrative of the Sports of Childhood, and entitled, "Some Little Gymes we all of us 'ave Plied;" after which, Enter Joe's Mother, followed by John and the Chorus, with baskets, ladders, &c., for gathering fruit.

"His Mother and John, To the garden had gone, To gather ripe pears and ripe plums."—Poem.

Joe's Mother (with forced cheerfulness)—
Let's hope, my friends, to find our pears and plums,
Unharmed by wopses, and untouched by wums.

[Chorus signify assent in the usual manner by holding up the right hand.

Solo—John.
Fruit when gathered ripe, is wholesome—
Otherwise if eaten green.
Once I knew a boy who stole some—
[With a glance at Joe, who turns aside to conceal his confusion.
His internal pangs were keen!

Chorus (virtuously). 'Tis the doom of all who're mean,
Their internal pangs are keen!

Joe's Mother (aside). By what misgivings is a mother tortured!
I'll keep my eye on Joseph in the orchard.
[She invites him with a gesture to follow.

Joe (earnestly). Nay, Mother, here I'll stay till you have done.
Temptation it is ever best to shun!

Joe's M. So laudable his wish, I would not cross it—
(Mysteriously.) He knows not there are jam-pots in yon closet!

Chorus. Away we go tripping,
From boughs to be stripping
Each pear, plum, and pippin
Pomona supplies!
When homeward we've brought 'em,
Those products of Autumn,
We'll carefully sort 'em
(One of our old Music-hall rhymes),
According to size! [Repeat as they caper out.

[Joe's Mother, after one fond, lingering look behind, follows: the voices are heard more and more faintly in the distance. Stage darkens; the last ray of sunset illumines key of jam-cupboard door.

Joe. At last I am alone! Suppose I tried
That cupboard—just to see what's kept inside?
[Seems drawn towards it by some fatal fascination.
There might be Guava jelly, and a plummy cake,
For such a prize I'd laugh to scorn a stomach-ache!
[Laughs a stomach-ache to scorn.
And yet (hesitating) who knows?—a pill?... perchance—a powder!
(Desperately). What then? To scorn I'll laugh them—even louder!

[Fetches chair and unlocks cupboard. Doors fall open with loud clang, revealing Interior of Jam Closet (painted by Hawes Craven). Joe mounts chair to explore shelves. Vide poem, "How sorry I am, He ate raspberry jam, And currants that stood on the shelf!"

Joe (speaking with mouth full, and back to audience). 'Tis raspberry—of all the jams my favourite;
I'll clear the pot, whate'er I have to pay for it!
And finish up with currants from this shelf....
Who'll ever see me?