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the Lord High Chamberlain
(The Kindest and the Best of Men),
He went good-naturedly and

took
A Perfectly Enormous Book
Called People Qualified to Be
Attendant on His Majesty,
And murmured, as he scanned the list
(To see that no one should be missed),
“There’s

William Coutts has got the Flue,

And Billy Higgs would never do,

And Guy de Vere is far too young,

And ... wasn’t D’Alton’s Father hung?
And as for Alexander Byng!— ...
I think I know the kind of thing,
A Churchman, cleanly, nobly born,
Come

let us say Godolphin Horne?”
But hardly had he said the word
When Murmurs of Dissent were heard.
The King of Iceland’s Eldest Son
Said, “Thank you! I am taking none!”
The Aged Duchess of Athlone
Remarked, in her sub-acid tone,
“I doubt if He is what we need!”
With which the Bishops all agreed;
And even Lady Mary Flood
(So Kind, and oh! so really good)
Said, “No! He wouldn’t do at all,
He’d make us feel a lot too small,”
The Chamberlain said,

“ ... Well, well, well!
No doubt you’re right.... One cannot tell!”
He took his Gold and Diamond Pen
And

Scratched Godolphin out again.
So now Godolphin is the Boy
Who blacks the Boots at the Savoy.

Algernon,

Who played with a Loaded Gun, and, on missing his Sister was reprimanded by his Father.

Young Algernon, the Doctor’s Son,
Was

playing with a Loaded Gun.
He pointed it towards his sister,
Aimed very carefully, but

Missed her!

His Father, who was standing near,

The Loud Explosion chanced to Hear,

And reprimanded Algernon
For playing with a Loaded Gun.

Hildebrand,

Who was frightened by a Passing Motor, and was brought to Reason.

“Oh, Murder! What was that, Papa!”
“My child,

It was a Motor-Car,
A Most Ingenious Toy!

Designed to Captivate and Charm
Much rather than to rouse Alarm
In any English Boy.

“What would your Great Grandfather who

Was Aide-de-Camp to General Brue,

And lost a leg at

Waterloo,

And

Quatre-Bras and

Ligny too!

And died at Trafalgar!—

What would he have remarked to hear
His Young Descendant shriek with fear,
Because he happened to be near
A Harmless Motor-Car!
But do not fret about it! Come!
We’ll off to Town

And purchase some!”

Lord Lundy,

Who was too Freely Moved to Tears, and thereby ruined his Political Career.