قراءة كتاب A Preliminary Study of the Emotion of Love between the Sexes
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A Preliminary Study of the Emotion of Love between the Sexes
she passes around and locks his hands about the leader's waist. The second one who makes the same choice locks her hands about the first one's waist, and so on till all have in turn been made captive and have joined one or the other side. The two lines, whose leaders still face each other with hands joined, are now ready for the struggle that ends in the downfall of London Bridge. The following stanzas are sung, at the conclusion of which the pulling begins that usually results in a general downfall and tumbling over one another:
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
London Bridge is falling down,
So fare you well, my lady love.
What will it take to build it up,
Build it up, build it up?
What will it take to build it up?
So fare you well, my lady love.
Lime and water will build it up,
Build it up, build it up.
Lime and water will build it up,
So fare you well, my lady love.
Blackman is a catching and clutching game, and furnishes the opportunity for hugging long enough for saying, “One, two, three, pretty good blackman for me;” and it often happens that this is not said as rapidly as it could be,—especially if it be the favored one who is caught. Of course there is much promiscuous catching, and the game is satisfying other instincts than that of love, for instance the instinct of pursuing and catching; but it is quite noticeable that the boys have their favorite girls and catch them first, often showing jealousy if the girls are caught by any one else. The girls are often aggressive in selecting boys to catch in the event that they themselves are caught first. Prison-Base and Handkerchief are pursuing and touching games, and furnish opportunity for indirect love confessions. Skip-to-My-Lou involves the choice of “My Lou” together with skipping with her, which is done while holding her hand or with arm about her waist as in round dancing. Green Grows the Willow Tree, involves holding hands, hugging and kissing. It is a ring game, with the one who does the choosing placed in the middle of the ring. The following is the song that furnishes the suggestions for the acting that accompanies it:
Green grows the willow tree,
Green grows the willow tree.
Come my love where have you been?
Come and sit at the side of me.
O, how she blushes so!
Kiss her sweet and let her go,
But don't you let her mother know.
Tag and I Spy are other games that furnish opportunities for love to discriminate in favor of its chosen ones. In fact there is scarcely a social game indulged in by both sexes wherein the incidents are not turned to the emotion's account by the young lovers. It must not be understood that all of the children who take part in these games are to be considered as lovers. As was suggested above the games may appeal to many other instincts and be indulged in on that account rather than on account of the love sentiment that characterizes them. On the other hand many of the games whose content does not suggest love may be turned into a love opportunity and expression.
The routine of the school furnishes other opportunities that are taken advantage of. Lovers will manage some way to sit or stand together, and are thrilled by touching. One boy who sat behind his sweetheart would place his arm along the back of the desk where she would come in contact with it. Others carry on their courtship by touching their feet under the desks, etc. It is common to see favoritism in recitations wherein pupils make the corrections; the lover seldom corrects the sweetheart, and vice versa. In contests such as spelling, words are purposely misspelled in order to favor the sweetheart or to keep from “turning her down.” The eye glance is another means as efficacious with children as with adults. One pair of young lovers, whose unsympathetic teacher forbade their looking at each other, brought hand mirrors by means of which they continued to exchange their “love messages.”
Few teachers complain of the love affairs of children in these first two periods as interfering with school work,—except when one of the lovers is absent. A score or more of the observers assert that during the absence of one of the lovers, the other does not do as good work and often becomes moody and irritable. On the other hand it very materially quickens the efforts of many who want to appear well before their lovers. One boy, nine years old, who had been quite lazy and was looked upon as being rather dull, braced up and for two years led his class, in order, as he said, “to win his Ottilia.” During the adolescent stage that follows this the emotion becomes so intense and all absorbing as to interfere very much with school work, or with anything else that requires application.
Akin to the disturbance caused by the absence of the lover from school is the grief that comes from being more or less permanently separated, as by moving away or by the death of one. In some instances the grief is very intense and protracted. Four cases of attempts at suicide are reported: one boy eight years old; another nine; a girl nine and another eleven. Six cases of nervous illness are reported as due, either to separation or jilting. Ordinarily, however, weaning is comparatively an easy matter.
Teasing breaks up many of these love affairs, and not infrequently causes the lovers to hate each other; in which case they childishly look upon each other as the cause instead of the occasion of the torment. Also under the spur of the taunts of mates the lovers are stimulated to say things to or about each other that lead to estrangement. In some instances, however, the persecution is taken as a sort of martyrdom and is enjoyed. Jealousy is another potent factor in separating these young lovers. Teasing is not the primary cause of the tendency to conceal the emotion.
The season of the year seems to have its effect upon the intensity of the emotion of sex-love among children. One teacher from Texas, who furnished me with seventy-six cases, said that he had noticed that the matter of love among children seemed “fairly to break out in the spring-time.” Many of the others who reported, incidentally mentioned the love affairs as beginning in the spring. This also agrees with my own observations. It may partly be accounted for by the fact that during the winter months the children have much less freedom in playing together, and hence fewer opportunities for forming and showing preferences. On the other hand the suggestion inevitably occurs that there is some connection between this and the pairing season among animals and the sexual periodicity among primitive peoples.
“Showing-off” as a method of courtship is not only as old as the human race, but is perhaps the most common one used by animals. While the complete discussion of this topic is reserved for the chapter upon courtship, the picture of love as it is experienced by the young people in this second stage would not be complete without at least a passing reference to it. It constitutes one of the chief numbers in the boy's repertory of love charms, and is not totally absent from the girl's. It is a most common sight to see the boys taxing their resources in devising means of exposing their own excellences, and often doing the most ridiculous and extravagant things. Running, jumping, dancing, prancing, sparring, wrestling, turning hand-springs, somersaults,—backward, forward, double,—climbing, walking fences, singing, giving yodels and yells, whistling, imitating the movements of animals, “taking people off,” courting danger, affecting courage, are some of its