PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. CL.

April 26, 1916.

CHARIVARIA.

General Villa, in pursuit of whom a United States army has already penetrated four hundred miles into Mexico, is alleged to have died. It is not considered likely, however, that he will escape as easily as all that.

"Germans net the Sound," says a recent issue of a contemporary. We don't know what profit they will get out of it, but we ourselves in these hard times are only too glad to net anything.

Bags of coffee taken from a Norwegian steamer and destined for German consumption have been found to contain rubber. Once more the immeasurable superiority of the German chemist as a deviser of synthetic substitutes for ordinary household commodities is clearly illustrated. What a contrast to our own scientists, whose use of this most valuable food substitute has never gone far beyond an occasional fowl or beefsteak.

It has been suggested that in honour of the tercentenary of Shakspeare's birth Barclay's brewery should be replaced by a new theatre, a replica of the old Globe Theatre, whose site it is supposed to occupy; and Mr. Reginald McKenna is understood to have stated that it is quite immaterial to him.

"Horseflesh is on sale in the West End," says The Daily Telegraph, "and the public analyst at Westminster reports having examined a smoked horseflesh sausage and found it genuine." It is only fair to our readers, however, to point out that the method of testing sausages now in vogue, i.e. with a stethoscope, is only useful for ascertaining the identity of the animal (if any) contained therein, and is valueless in the case of sausages that are filled with sawdust, india-rubber shavings, horsehair and other vegetables.

Wandsworth Borough has refused the offer of a horse trough on the ground that there are not enough horses to use it. But there are always plenty of shirkers.

Colonel Churchill was reported on Tuesday last as having been seen entering the side door of No. 11, Downing Street. It was, of course, the critical stage door.

The Austrian Government has issued an appeal for dogs "for sanitary purposes." The valuable properties of the dog for sterilising sausage casings have long been a secret of the Teuton.

Commercial Candour.

"Real Harris Hand-Knitted Socks, 1s. 6d.: worth 2s. 6d.; unwearable."—Scotch Paper.

Shopkeeper. "Yes, I want a good useful lad to be partly indoors and partly outdoors."

Applicant. "And what becomes of me when the door slams?"

A Chance for the Illiterate.

"Wanted, a good, all-round Gardener; illegible."—Provincial Paper.

"Gardener.—Wanted at once, clever experienced man with good knowledge of toms., cucs., mums., &c., to work up small nursery."

Provincial Paper.

One with a knowledge of nursery language preferred.

"Manchester, Eng. The election of directors of the Manchester Chamber of Commerce resulted in the return of eighteen out of twenty-two directors who are definitely committed to the policy of no free trade with the 60th Canadian Battalion."

Victoria Colonist (B.C.).

We hope the battalion will not retaliate by refusing protection to Manchester, Eng.

THE CURSE OF BABEL.

Let me tell you about the Baronne de Blanqueville and her grandson.

The Baronne is a Belgian lady who came to England in the early days of the refugee movement, and established herself here in our village.

With her came her younger daughter and Lou-lou, the infant son of an elder daughter, who had for some reason to be left behind in Belgium.

Lou-lou was a year old when, with his grandmother and his aunt, he settled in England as an émigré. He was then inarticulate; now he has gained the use of his tongue.

He has had a little English nursemaid to attend on him, and he has become a familiar object in many English families of the neighbourhood.

In fact, he has had a very English bringing up, and now that he is more than two years old and can talk, he insists on talking English with volubility and understanding it with completeness.

I may mention, by the way, that someone has taught him some expressions unusual in so young a mouth. The other day I met him in his perambulator. He said, "I take the air. I'm damn comfable;" whereupon the nursemaid blushed and chid him.

That, however, is not the point—at any rate, not the whole of it.

What I wish to make clear is this: the Baronne neither speaks nor understands English, whereas Lou-lou speaks a great deal of English and no French at all. He rejects that language with a violent shake of his curly head. He stamps his small foot and tells his adoring grandmother to speak English or leave him alone.

Thus a gulf has begun to yawn between the Baronne and her beloved Lou-lou. Communications are all but broken off. Lou-lou's aunt is in better case, for she is slowly acquiring English; but the Baronne, I think, will never learn any English.

What is to be done?

"The rage for flower-trimming is nothing short of an obeisance."—Evening Paper.

In spite of the War we still bow to the decrees of fashion.

THE JOY TAX.

[By one who is prepared to accept it like a patriot without further protest.]

O.S.

A VOLUNTEER CASUALTY.

We were "standing easy" prior to the assault on the undefended