قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, March 29, 1890
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, March 29, 1890
flying
In front at the winning-post bend—
Shall we triumph, or, fruitlessly trying,
Row it out, game to the end?
Point after point we are clearing,
Mile after mile we have sped;
Multiplied roaring and cheering
Sound as they sound to the dead.
Surely the end we are nearing!
Yes, but I know they're ahead!
Then is the toiling and straining
Out of the tail of my eye
Somehow I see we are gaining—
Look at the wash running by!
Now, in the minutes remaining,
Somehow we'll do it, or die.
There are blades flashing beside us,
Dropping astern one by one.
Now they creep up—they have tied us—
No! The spurt dies—they are done!
Gods of the 'Varsity guide us!—
Bang! "Easy all!" We have won!
The Coal Strike was easily settled, as all that had to be discussed were "Miner Considerations."
"FOR THIS RELIEF, MUCH THANKS!"
"As a sign of this gratitude, I confer upon you the dignity of Duke of Lauenburg, and shall also send you my life-sized Portrait."—The German Emperor to Prince Bismarck.
God bless you, dear Prince! Since your purpose is fixed,
It is useless, I know, to dissuade you.
I permit you to go, though my feelings are mixed,
And unmake, as my grandfather made, you.
Yet deem not ungrateful your Emperor and King;
Let me pay you my thanks at the Court rate.
So I make you a Duke, ere I let you take wing,
And, O Prince, I will send you my Portrait!
O Pilot undaunted, brave heart and strong hand
When our planks were all riven asunder,
You alone grasped the helm, and took boldly your stand,
Nor blanched at the blast and the thunder.
And now, safe in port, we award you a prize
Of a value that men of your sort rate.
So, Prince, I will have myself painted life-size
Every inch, and I'll send you the Portrait.
Fresh storms may be brewing. I'll face them myself.
I am young, and, O Prince, you grow older.
Stay ashore, if you wish it, retire to the shelf,
And let those steer the ship who are bolder.
Yet it shall not be said that, in parting from you,
Your King gave his thanks at a short rate;
So be henceforth a Duke, and accept as your due
What I gratefully grant you—my Portrait!
A RATEPAYER'S REPLY.
Your story's good, Stanhope, as far as it runs,
For John Bull, at last, looks like getting his guns.
But though you talk big on the strength of the four
With which you've just managed to arm Singapore,
We would like you to state precisely how long
'Twill take you to get the next batch to Hong Kong!
For you talk in a not very confident way
Of those that are destined to guard Table Bay.
Your speech, too, with doubt seems decidedly laden,
When noting the present defences of Aden.
Though you finish the list with the news, meant to cheer
That Ceylon "should be" safe by the end of the year.
You think, to sum up, that a gratified nation
Should greet your glad statement with wild jubilation!
Well, the country does not get too often a chance
Of an honest excuse for a genuine dance,
And would step it quite gladly, if only assured
It could once from old dodges feel safely secured,
Being certain its guns, before setting to caper,
Do not exist merely on War-Office paper!
MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
"You are one of the few people with whom I can really enjoy a quiet talk, all to our two selves;" i.e., "I should be very sorry to introduce you to any of my set."
"What, YOU here?"; i.e., "Wonder how the deuce this confounded cad got an invitation."
"Ah, by the way, just let me introduce you to Farrodust. You two fellows ought to know each other;" i.e., "Call that killing two bores with one stone."
"Thanks for a most delightful evening. So sorry to have to run away;" i.e., "Bored to extinction, and fairly famished. Must run down to the Club for a snack and a smoke."
"I'll look at my list when I get home;" i.e., "You don't catch me."
"Drop in any day;" i.e., "When the chances are I shan't be in."
"No party;" i.e., "Must ask him, and do it as cheaply as possible."
"Come as you are;" i.e., "Be careful to wear evening dress."
"Don't trouble to answer;" i.e., "Think it very rude if you don't."
"What! going already!" i.e., "Thank goodness! Thought she'd never move."
"What a fine child!" i.e., "Don't know whether the brat is a boy or girl, but must say something."
MODERN TYPES.
No. VI.—THE POLITICAL WOMAN.
The Political Woman is one upon whom, if she may be believed, the world has never smiled. She avenges herself by recounting her wrongs and those of her sex to all who can be induced to listen to her. In early youth she will have taught herself by a superficial study of political history that all great movements have depended for their success upon Women, and that men, though they may ride on the whirlwind have had but little hand in directing the storm. The base ingratitude which has hitherto attended feminine effort in general, has aroused in her breast a quite particular and personal resentment against all men who have the misfortune to disagree with her. Hence it comes that the males who bask in the sunshine of her approval are but few. It is noticeable, that although she openly despises men, she makes herself, and wishes to make her fellow women as masculine as is compatible with the wearing of petticoats, and the cultivation of habitual inaccuracy of mind. Moreover, although she has a fine contempt, of which she makes no concealment, for
