WORRYING WON'T WIN

BY

MONTAGUE GLASS

ILLUSTRATED

HARPER & BROTHERS
PUBLISHERS
NEW YORK AND LONDON

Worrying Won't Win
Copyright, 1918, by Harper & Brothers
Printed in the United States of America
Published May, 1918

CONTENTS

• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss the Czar Business
• Potash and Perlmutter on Soap-boxers and Peace Fellers
• Potash and Perlmutter on Financing the War
• Potash and Perlmutter on Bernstorff's Expense Account
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss On the Front Page and Off
• Potash and Perlmutter on Hooverizing the Overhead
• Potash and Perlmutter on Foreign Affairs
• Potash and Perlmutter on Lordnorthcliffing versus Colonelhousing
• Potash and Perlmutter on National Music and National Currency
• Potash and Perlmutter on Revolutionizing the Revolution Business
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss the Sugar Question
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss How to Put the Spurt in the Expert
• Potash and Perlmutter on Being an Optician and Looking on the Bright Side
• The Liquor Question—Shall It Be Dry or Extra Dry?
• Potash and Perlmutter on Peace with Victory and without Brokers, Either
• Potash and Perlmutter on Keeping It Dark
• Potash and Perlmutter on the Peace Program, Including the Added Extra Feature and the Supper Turn
• Potash and Perlmutter on the New National Holidays
• Mr. Wilson: That's All
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss the Grand-opera Business
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss the Magazine in War-times
• Potash and Perlmutter on Saving Daylight, Coal, and Breath
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss Why Is a Play-goer?
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss Society—New York, Human, and American
• Potash and Perlmutter Discuss This Here Income Tax

ILLUSTRATIONS

"And the only kick they've got, Mawruss," Abe said, "is that President Wilson won't expose his hand, which, if he did, he might just so well throw the game to Germany and be done with it."

"I bet yer over half a czar's morning mail already is circulars from casket concerns alone, Abe."

"'So,' Mrs. Hoover says, 'you had one of them sixty-cent table-d'hôte lunches to-day again, and now of course you 'ain't got no appetite. How many times did I tell you you shouldn't eat that poison?'"

"Perhaps it's because this here Lord George and King George is related maybe," Morris suggested. "I don't think so," Abe replied. "The name is only a quincidence."

"'Well, if we are such big