Letter‌—‌Addressing the Envelope‌—‌Letter of Condolence‌—‌Acknowledging a Letter of Condolence‌—‌Etiquette of the Friendly Letter‌—‌The Child's Letter‌—‌Letters to Persons of Title.

  VII. Parents and Children 254   The Home‌—‌Appearance of the House‌—‌Dress‌—‌Dress for Children‌—‌ Children and Development‌—‌Know Your Children!‌—‌Imitation‌—‌The Child's Speech‌—‌At the Table‌—‌Playmates‌—‌Children's Parties‌—‌ Planning Surprises‌—‌Receiving the Young Guests‌—‌About the Birthday Party‌—‌When the Young Guests Leave‌—‌Children's Entertainments Away from Home‌—‌Children and Dancing‌—‌A Word to Parents‌—‌Amusements‌—‌Let the Child be Natural‌—‌The Young Girl‌—‌The Girl's Manner‌—‌The Chaperon‌—‌The Young Country Miss ‌—‌The Girl and Her Mother‌—‌For the Shy and Self-Conscious‌—‌ Forget About Yourself‌—‌Why the Shy are Awkward‌—‌Self-Confidence Versus Conceit‌—‌Country Hospitality‌—‌Importance of Simplicity‌—‌ The Hostess‌—‌The Guest‌—‌For Country Folks‌—‌The Endless Round of Hospitality‌—‌When to Invite‌—‌The Guests and Their Duties‌—‌ Addressing Titled People.  

---

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

On Her Wedding Day	Frontispiece
PAGE
Church Decorated for a Formal Wedding	62
An Altar for a Home Wedding	142
Decorations for a Wedding in a Small Church	190

---

PART I

"The power of manners is incessant—an element as unconcealable as fire. The nobility cannot in any country be disguised, and no more in a republic or a democracy than in a kingdom. There are certain manners which are learned in good society, of that force that, if a person have them, he or she must be considered, and is everywhere welcome, though without beauty, or wealth, or genius."

—From Emerson's Essays.

 

CHAPTER I

INTRODUCTION TO ETIQUETTE

WHAT IS ETIQUETTE?

At a meeting of army officers during the Civil War, one of them began to relate a questionable story, remarking, as if to excuse his lack of good taste, that "there were no ladies present." General Grant, who was acting as chairman of the meeting, remarked, "No, but there are gentlemen"—and he refused to allow the officer to continue the story.

What is a gentleman? The question is an old one. It cannot be ancestry, for often the son of most noble and honored parentage is merely a coarse compound of clay and money, offered to society as a gentleman, It cannot be dress—for surely Beau Brummell was not what the world loves to call a gentleman, despite his stiffly starched cravats and brightly polished boots. It cannot be money, for then many a common thief, made wealthy by his ill-gotten gains, would be entitled to the name of gentleman.

No, it is something that goes deeper than ancestry or dress or wealth—something that is nobler and finer than any, or all, of these. Perhaps it can be best expressed by this beautiful example of what true etiquette can mean:

Henry Ward Beecher, on a very cold day, stopped to buy a newspaper from a ragged youngster who stood shivering on a corner. "Poor little fellow," he said, "aren't you cold standing here?" The boy looked up with a smile and said, "I was, sir—before you passed."

The word etiquette itself does not mean very much. It comes from the same origin as the word "ticket" and originally meant the rules of court ceremony printed on tickets that were given to each person presented at court. But through generations the ideal of perfected culture surged, until to-day we have a code of manners that is the pride and inspiration of refined living.

LAWS OF SOCIETY

Etiquette, after all, is not the finished work, but merely a tool that opens the portals to a broader life, to a greater social happiness. Through its influence we are brought into close companionship with the really worth-while minds of our day. By faithful constancy to its rules we gradually mold our characters until, in our outward dignity and charm, the world reads and understands our ideals.

There is in every human nature the desire for social happiness—which is, frankly, in other words, the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be. And it is only by adhering to the fundamental laws of good society that this social happiness can ever be attained.

In observing the established etiquette of modern society it is necessary to pay particular attention to one's appearance, manner, and speech. It must be remembered that the world is a harsh judge and is perfectly willing to condemn us by outward appearances. In the street-car, in the ball-room, at the theater—every day people are reading the story of our characters and ideals.

Society has its own definite code of manners that must be observed before one can enter its portals. There are certain rules that must be followed before one can enter its envied circle. There are conventionalities that must be observed in requesting a lady to dance, in acknowledging an introduction, in using the knife and fork at the dinner table. There are certain prevailing modes in dressing for the theater and reception. To know and adhere to these laws is to be admitted to the highest society and enjoy the company of the most brilliant minds.

Etiquette is an art—the art of doing and saying the correct thing at the correct time—the art of being able to hold oneself always in hand, no matter how exacting the circumstance. And like music or painting or writing, the more you study it, the more you apply yourself to its principles, the more perfectly your own character is molded.

CONTROL OF THE IMPULSES

The cultured man is never angry, never impatient, never demonstrative. His actions and speech are tempered with a dispassionate calmness and tranquillity that the French admiringly call sang froid. He knows how to control his emotions so effectively that no one can read, in his self-possessed expression, whether he is angry or pleased, discouraged or eager.

Perhaps the most striking and admirable thing about a man of breeding is his carefully disciplined impulses. He may at times lose