head;

I've a horror, too, of "trippers,"

'Arrys, 'Arriets, and "nippers,"

So a jolly quiet holi-

Day I spent at home in bed.

No Difference.—English Customer (to Manager of restaurant). I see, Signor Maraschino, that the American gentleman and his wife who have just left drank nothing but water with their dinner. Does that make much difference in their bill?

Signor Maraschino. Noting, sir. They pay same as yourself and lady, who 'ave champagne. Oderwise 'ow should we live?

What did Mr. Punch do in the Easter Recess?—Volunteer review! Not a bit of it! He just popped over, and had a few days of delightful dolce far niente at Venice.

Papa, Maman, et Bébé s'en vont à la pêche aux crevettes.

Fin De La Saison.—(At a Cercle Anglais. "Le Fiv' o'clock," i.e., Afternoon Tea.)

Britisher. "Coming to the ball to-night, Count?"

Monsieur le Comte. "Moi, mon cher? Ah, non. I am tired. I have the ache everywhere. I have play the football!"

Britisher. "Good! What?—Forward, half-back?"

Monsieur le Comte. "Forward! Half-back! Par exemple, I am 'Arbitre'—how you say it?—Referee!"

IMPRESSIONS FROM ABROAD

Impressions on my hat after going down the salt mine at Berchtesgaden.

Impressions on my alpenstock after looking at the Alpine Peaks from below with an opera-glass.

Impressions on my nose and forehead by the mosquitoes, when I would be poetical and stay all the evening on the Rialto at Venice.

Impressions on my ears by the bad language of my guide, when I refused to pay for the echoes awakened on the Rhine by an ancient howitzer.

Impressions on my heart by memories of that pretty little Frenchwoman I travelled with from Turin.

Impressions on my feet by her sweet little bottines.

Impression on my mind, after Mrs. P. detected those bottines too near my boots, that it would be better not to be so susceptible another time.

Thought By A Tourist.—Too many Cook's Excursionists spoil the table d'hôte.

THE RULING PASSION

Customs Official. "Have you anything to declare?"

Absent-minded Traveller (Bridge-player, just catching last word). "Oh,