Traveller. "Can you direct me to Hollow Meadows?"

Hodge (who stutters frightfully). "Ye-ye-ye-yes. You t-t-t-t-take the f-f-f-first t-t-t-t-turning on th-the right, and ku-ku-ku-keep straight on ower th' b-b-b-brig. Bu-bub-bub-but you'd bub-bub-bub-better be gu-gu-gu-gangin' on. You'll gu-gu-get there quicker th-th-th-than I can t-t-t-tell you!"

MUCH PLEASANTER FOR ALFRED

Constance (adding the last straw). "There, darling! I hope I've forgotten nothing. And oh, Alfred! how much, much pleasanter to carry our things ourselves, and be alone together, than to have a horrid servant trotting behind us, and listening to every word we say!"

SOMETHING FROM THE PROVINCES

Excursionist (politely). "Can you kindly direct me the nearest way to Slagley?"

Powerful Navvy. "Ah can poonch th' head o' thee!"

    [Excursionist retires hastily.

ON THE COLONIAL TOUR

Famous Pianist. "Himmel! how hot it is! I really think I might just have half an inch cut off—just round the nape of my neck you know. Just thinned a little——"

His Agent. "Out of the question, my boy. Remember clause seven in the agreement—'Your hair not to be cut till the last concert in Australia is over'!"

EVOLUTION EXTRAORDINARY

British Tourist (who has been served with a pig's foot). "What's this? I ordered quail!"

Negro Waiter. "Wall—y'ev got quail!"

British Tourist. "Quail! Why a quail's a bird!"

Negro Waiter. "Not here!"