in all things, or quit professing.

RECLAIMED

One night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get where the Lord would have me to be even if I should have to pray all night. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one thing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I would enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last yes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's forgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and saves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and although I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had experienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing to believe God's promise.

When I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear, which deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded my will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the promise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the Lord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, salvation does not come by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). I said to the Lord, "Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have me to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe that, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now." Quietly but earnestly I said from the depths of my heart, "Jesus saves me now." In a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew that my sins were forgiven.

After spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to sleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my gratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had ever been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived during the past few years.

CONFLICT WITH DOUBTS

When I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul; but Satan faintly whispered, "Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last night; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation." He suggested also, "You do not feel quite so joyful as you did." In spite of all this, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had previously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for me, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun to live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one, I testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While testifying, I was blessed again.

FEELINGS

I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to suggest, "Where is your joy? You must be losing out." At these times I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer. However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved, although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day, if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts would come back again.

SEVERE TEMPTATIONS

I was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had seemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with renewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete deliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying.

RESTITUTION

After some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although I had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet I need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain individuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered a good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and reared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the favor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good Christian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It, therefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to make these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the required restitution.

GOING TO EXTREMES

At first Satan tried to keep me from making any restitution. Then, after I had started, and he saw he could not prevent me, he pushed me to the other extreme. One little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to mind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation. These little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that, as I now review them, I am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or else merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge, and that they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by all parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them.

The following will suffice as a fair sample: I had by oversight forgotten to return a borrowed lead pencil, which had been about three-fourths used up. Months afterwards I happened to think of it, and I became so worried and accused that I finally attempted restitution, as I had already done in perhaps dozens of other just such trivial instances.

I was also driven to the consideration of my past conduct in the light of my present experience. I then made apologies one after another for my past failures. In some instances this was perfectly proper; but again I was driven to such extremes that I scarcely had any peace. The natural result was that I watched every word and act so carefully that often I was afraid to smile, for fear I might laugh at the wrong time. I was so busy watching myself that I did not get much enjoyment out of my religious experience. Indeed, the standard I set for myself was so rigid that I speedily came into bondage. I was unhappy myself and made others unhappy about me. However, I had no intention of going back into sin.

BECOMING ASCETIC

I took a great interest in reading religious books and papers. Although doubtless the motives of those who wrote these were high and noble, and their sole aim and purpose was to further the interests of God's kingdom on earth, yet some of these productions were written in such a manner as to cause a conscientious soul to feel that it is almost impossible for an ordinary person to reach a standard of experience and life such as they set up. My natural tendency, however, impelled me to try in my weak way to pattern after the most rigid examples. I noticed that some of the characters mentioned were given to much fasting and to abstinence from all except the very plainest of foods. My tendency toward extremes again asserted itself, and sometimes I felt condemned for enjoying even a wholesome meal. I remember one occasion when I worried because I had indulged in eating a reasonable amount of