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قراءة كتاب More Misrepresentative Men
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اللغة: English
الصفحة رقم: 4
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Behind a manner mild as mouse,
Blue-spectacled and inoffensive,
He hid a judgment and a nous
As overwhelming as extensive,
And cloaked a soul immune from wrong
Beneath an ample ong-bong-pong.
Blue-spectacled and inoffensive,
He hid a judgment and a nous
As overwhelming as extensive,
And cloaked a soul immune from wrong
Beneath an ample ong-bong-pong.
To rows of conscientious youths,
Whom 'twas his duty to take care of,
He loved to prove the truth of truths
Which they already were aware of;
They learnt to look politely bored,
Where modern students would have snored.
Whom 'twas his duty to take care of,
He loved to prove the truth of truths
Which they already were aware of;
They learnt to look politely bored,
Where modern students would have snored.
To show that Two and Two make Four,
That All is greater than a Portion,
Requires no dialectic lore,
Nor any cerebral contortion;
The public's faith in facts was steady,
Before the days of Mrs. Eddy.
That All is greater than a Portion,
Requires no dialectic lore,
Nor any cerebral contortion;
The public's faith in facts was steady,
Before the days of Mrs. Eddy.
But what was hard to overlook
(From which Society still suffers)
Was all the trouble Euclid took
To teach the game of Bridge to duffers.
Insisting, when he got a quorum,
On "Pons" (he called it) "Asinorum."
(From which Society still suffers)
Was all the trouble Euclid took
To teach the game of Bridge to duffers.
Insisting, when he got a quorum,
On "Pons" (he called it) "Asinorum."
The guileless methods of his game
Provoked his partner's strongest strictures;
He hardly knew the cards by name,
But realised that some had pictures;
Exhausting ev'rybody's patience
By his perpetual revocations.
Provoked his partner's strongest strictures;
He hardly knew the cards by name,
But realised that some had pictures;
Exhausting ev'rybody's patience
By his perpetual revocations.
For weary hours, in deep concern,
O'er dummy's hand he loved to linger,
Denoting ev'ry card in turn,
With timid indecisive finger;
And stopped to say, at each delay,
"I really don't know what to play!"
O'er dummy's hand he loved to linger,
Denoting ev'ry card in turn,
With timid indecisive finger;
And stopped to say, at each delay,
"I really don't know what to play!"
He sought, at any cost, to win
His ev'ry suit in turn unguarding;
He trumped his partner's "best card in,"
His own egregiously discarding;
Remarking sadly, when in doubt,
"I quite forgot the King was out!"
His ev'ry suit in turn unguarding;
He trumped his partner's "best card in,"
His own egregiously discarding;
Remarking sadly, when in doubt,
"I quite forgot the King was out!"
Alert opponents always knew,
By what the look upon his face was,
When safety lay in leading through,
And where, of course, the fatal ace was;
Assuring the complete successes
Of bold but hazardous "finesses."
By what the look upon his face was,
When safety lay in leading through,
And where, of course, the fatal ace was;
Assuring the complete successes
Of bold but hazardous "finesses."
But nowadays we find no trace,
From distant Assouan to Cairo,
To mark the place where dwelt a race
Mistaught by so absurd a tyro;
And nothing but occult inscriptions
Recall the sports of past Egyptians.
From distant Assouan to Cairo,
To mark the place where dwelt a race
Mistaught by so absurd a tyro;
And nothing but occult inscriptions
Recall the sports of past Egyptians.
Yes, "autre temps" and "autre moeurs,"
"Où sont indeed les neiges d'antan?"
The modern native much prefers
Debauching in some café chantant,
Nor ever shows the least ambition
To solve a single Proposition.
"Où sont indeed les neiges d'antan?"
The modern native much prefers
Debauching in some café chantant,
Nor ever shows the least ambition
To solve a single Proposition.
O Euclid, luckiest of men!
You knew no English interloper;
For Allah's Garden was not then
The pleasure-ground of Alleh Sloper,
Nor (broth-like) had your country's looks
Been spoilt by an excess of "Cooks."
You knew no English interloper;
For Allah's Garden was not then
The pleasure-ground of Alleh Sloper,
Nor (broth-like) had your country's looks
Been spoilt by an excess of "Cooks."
The Nile to your untutored ears
Discoursed in dull but tender tones;
Not yours the modern Dahabeahs,
Supplied with strident gramophones,
Imploring, in a loud refrain,
Bill Bailey to come home again.
Discoursed in dull but tender tones;
Not yours the modern Dahabeahs,
Supplied with strident gramophones,
Imploring, in a loud refrain,
Bill Bailey to come home again.
Your cars, the older-fashioned sort,
And drawn, perhaps, by alligators,
Were not the modern Juggernaut-
Child-dog-and-space-obliterators,
Those "stormy petrols" of the land
Which deal decease on either hand.
And drawn, perhaps, by alligators,
Were not the modern Juggernaut-
Child-dog-and-space-obliterators,
Those "stormy petrols" of the land
Which deal decease on either hand.
No European tourist wags
Defiled the desert's dusky face
With orange peel and paper bags,
Those emblems of a cultured race;
Or cut the noble name of Jones,
On tombs which held a monarch's bones.
Defiled the desert's dusky face
With orange peel and paper bags,
Those emblems of a cultured race;
Or cut the noble name of Jones,
On tombs which held a monarch's bones.
O Euclid! Could you see to-day
The sunny clime you once frequented,
And note the way we moderns play
The game you thoughtfully invented,
The knowledge of your guilt would force yer
To feelings of internal nausea!
The sunny clime you once frequented,
And note the way we moderns play
The game you thoughtfully invented,
The knowledge of your guilt would force yer
To feelings of internal nausea!
J. M. Barrie
(O tiniest of tiny men!
So wise, so whimsical, so witty!
Whose magic little fairy-pen
Is steeped in human pity;
Whose humour plays so quaint a tune,
From Peter Pan to Pantaloon!)
So wise, so whimsical, so witty!
Whose magic little fairy-pen
Is steeped in human pity;
Whose humour plays so quaint a tune,
From Peter Pan to Pantaloon!)
So wide a sympathy has he,
Such kindliness without an end,
That children clamber on his knee,
And claim him as a friend;
They somehow know he understands,
And doesn't mind their sticky hands.
Such kindliness without an end,
That children clamber on his knee,
And claim him as a friend;
They somehow know he understands,
And doesn't mind their sticky hands.
And so they swarm about his neck,
With energy that nothing wearies,
Assured that he will never check
Their ceaseless flow of queries,
And grateful, with a warm affection,
For his avuncular protection.
With energy that nothing wearies,
Assured that he will never check
Their ceaseless flow of queries,
And grateful, with a warm affection,
For his avuncular protection.
And when his watch he opens wide,
Or beats them all at blowing bubbles,
They tell him how the dormouse died,
And all their tiny troubles;
And drag him, if he seems deprest,
To see the baby squirrel's nest.
Or beats them all at blowing bubbles,
They tell him how the dormouse died,
And all their tiny troubles;
And drag him, if he seems deprest,
To see the baby squirrel's nest.
For hidden treasure he can dig,
Pursue the Indians in the wood,
Feed the prolific guinea-pig
With inappropriate food;
Do all the things that mattered so
In happy days of long ago.
Pursue the Indians in the wood,
Feed the prolific guinea-pig
With inappropriate food;
Do all the things that mattered so
In happy days of long ago.
All this he can achieve, and more!
For, 'neath the magic of his brain,
The young are younger than before,
The old grow young again,
To dream of Beauty and of Truth
For hearts that win eternal youth.
For, 'neath the magic of his brain,
The young are younger than before,
The old grow young again,
To dream of Beauty and of Truth
For hearts that win eternal youth.
Fat apoplectic men I know,
With well-developed Little Marys,
Look almost human when they show
Their faith in Barrie's fairies;
Their blank lethargic faces lighten
In admiration of his Crichton.
With well-developed Little Marys,
Look almost human when they show
Their faith in Barrie's fairies;
Their blank lethargic faces lighten
In admiration of his Crichton.
To lovers who, with fingers cold,
Attempt to fan some dying ember,
He brings the happy days of old,
And bids their hearts remember;
Recalling in romantic fashion
The tenderness of earlier passion.
Attempt to fan some dying ember,
He brings the happy days of old,
And bids their hearts remember;
Recalling in romantic fashion
The tenderness of earlier passion.
And modern matrons who can find
So little leisure for the Nurs'ry,
Whose interest in babykind
Is eminently curs'ry,
New views on Motherhood acquire
From Alice-sitting-by-the-Fire!
So little leisure for the Nurs'ry,
Whose interest in babykind
Is eminently curs'ry,
New views on Motherhood acquire
From Alice-sitting-by-the-Fire!
While men of every sort and kind,
At times of sunshine or of trouble,
In Sentimental Tommy find
Their own amazing double;
To each in turn the mem'ry comes
Of some belov'd forgotten Thrums.
At times of sunshine or of trouble,
In Sentimental Tommy find
Their own amazing double;
To each in turn the mem'ry comes
Of some belov'd forgotten Thrums.
To Barrie's literary art
That strong poetic sense is clinging
Which hears, in ev'ry human heart,
A "late lark" faintly singing,
A bird that bears upon its wing
The promise of perpetual Spring.
That strong poetic sense is clinging
Which hears, in ev'ry human heart,
A "late lark" faintly singing,
A bird that bears upon its wing
The promise of perpetual Spring.
Omar Khayyam
HOUGH many a great Philosopher
Has earned the Epicure's diploma,
Not one of them, as I aver,
So much deserved the prize as Omar;
For he, without the least misgiving,
Combined High Thinking and High Living.
Has earned the Epicure's diploma,
Not one of them, as I aver,
So much deserved the prize as Omar;
For he, without the least misgiving,
Combined High Thinking and High Living.
He lived in Persia, long ago,
Upon a somewhat slender pittance;
And Persia is, as you may know,
The home of Shahs and fubsy kittens,
(A quite consistent habitat,
Since "Shah," of course, is French for "cat.")
Upon a somewhat slender pittance;
And Persia is, as you may know,
The home of Shahs and fubsy kittens,
(A quite consistent habitat,
Since "Shah," of course, is French for "cat.")
He lived—as I was saying, when
You interrupted, impolitely—
Not loosely, like his fellow-men,
But, vicê versâ, rather tightly;
And drank his share, so runs the story,
And other people's, con amore.
You interrupted, impolitely—
Not loosely, like his fellow-men,
But, vicê versâ, rather tightly;
And drank his share, so runs the story,
And other people's, con amore.
A great Astronomer, no doubt,
He often found some Constellation
Which others could not see without
Profuse internal irrigation;
And snakes he saw, and crimson mice,
Until his colleagues rang for ice.
He often found some Constellation
Which others could not see without
Profuse internal irrigation;
And snakes he saw, and crimson mice,
Until his colleagues rang for ice.
Omar, who owned a length of throat
As dry as the proverbial "drummer,"
And quite believed that (let me quote)
"One swallow does not make a summer,"
Supplied a model to society
Of frank, persistent insobriety.
* * * * *
Ah, fill the cup with nectar sweet,
Until, when indisposed for more,
Your puzzled, inadhesive feet
Elude the smooth revolving floor.
What matter doubts, despair or sorrow?
To-day is Yesterday To-morrow!
As dry as the proverbial "drummer,"
And quite believed that (let me quote)
"One swallow does not make a summer,"
Supplied a model to society
Of frank, persistent insobriety.
* * * * *
Ah, fill the cup with nectar sweet,
Until, when indisposed for more,
Your puzzled, inadhesive feet
Elude the smooth revolving floor.
What matter doubts, despair or sorrow?
To-day is Yesterday To-morrow!